Fidelity (Infidelity #5)(90)
Rationally I knew it wasn’t the same.
My mom had been alive. Jo was dead.
Nevertheless, I understood what that support must have meant to Oren. I wanted it from Jo. I prayed she was with us, beside me. I longed to let her know that I’d never forget her. I wanted to believe we had the kind of love that transcended loss. I wanted to think that she was happy for me—for us. I wanted her to know that I could do better. I could be the man I wasn’t for her. I could be that man for Charli, because in loving and losing her, I’d grown.
I prayed she knew that I was sorry I’d failed her, but with failure came wisdom.
I would have given my own life to save hers. Now I felt the same way about Charli.
Charli pulled my hand as she sat on the edge of the table. Quietly, she wiped my cheek.
I didn’t realize I’d been crying.
“It’s all right,” Charli said, “to think about her and the baby you lost.”
I shook my head. “No, I am, but not like you may think.”
“I think you lost two important people and now you’re faced with the possibility of history repeating itself. It won’t. I told you before that I would keep the promise she couldn’t. I never intended for this to happen. That doesn’t mean I won’t work to keep my promise.”
My cheeks rose. “About that. I guess the red-ass thing is off-limits for about eight months.”
Charli giggled. “I think if everything is the way it’s supposed to be, nothing is off-limits. That’s what Dr. Beck said.”
The door opened and Dr. Beck came in. “It’s good to see you both smiling. Are we ready to see this little Montague?”
“Demetri,” I corrected.
“Collins, actually,” Charli said as she lay back on the paper-covered table. “I’m surprised to see you, Dr. Beck. I expected a technician.”
“I told you that my babies having babies is one of my greatest joys. Would you really want me to pass this on to someone else?”
“No, thank you for everything.”
The old man smiled and patted her hand. “Let’s get this started. This is a little cold and may be uncomfortable. Due to the early stage of your pregnancy we’ll need to do this vaginally.”
Charli reached for my hand. “Whatever we need to do, we’re ready.”
NOX SQUEEZED MY hand as we rode toward the airport. The corner of his lips quirked upward and his light blue eyes shone. Beside me was the man I loved more than I ever thought possible. I’d trusted him with my hard limits and last night, in a small diagnostic-imaging room, he’d trusted me with his.
Maybe it wasn’t that together we hadn’t discovered my hard limits; maybe instead, it was that as long as he was the one with me, they didn’t exist. Or like last night, they faded away. Together we could push the boundaries that when separate were too much for either of us to handle.
In our possession we each had small black-and-white photos of Nox’s hard limit. Not really more than a peanut within a black womb—exactly where he or she belonged—the little life inside of me was more precious than any diamond or gem. He or she wasn’t an heir to a fortune; the future was yet to be written on what would become of Montague Corporation. There was no doubt that a long legal battle lay ahead for Momma and Alton.
None of that mattered.
This little life was the promise of a future free from ghosts and shadows. This child would never be dressed to perform in a dog-and-pony show, never lie in bed and pray that the yelling down the hall wouldn’t come to his or her room, and never have reason to doubt that he or she was conceived in love and loved unconditionally.
The measurements that Dr. Beck performed confirmed the gestational age. I was six weeks pregnant. Our little daughter or son would join us around the middle of July, a mere thirteen months after the trip Chelsea and I took to Del Mar.
I understood Nox’s obsession with safety. It was now mine too.
Yesterday I’d been willing to walk into a coffee shop, to put myself in harm’s way in order to save my friend.
Smiling at her across the car from me, I would do what I could for her. Putting the little peanut inside of me at risk, though, wasn’t an option.
Chelsea tilted her head. “Are you sure you’re okay? What did they see in the CT scan?”
Nox and I had agreed that Oren and Mother should be the first to learn our news.
“They said I’m fine. I bumped my head.”
She pursed her lips. “You just seem funny. Not ha-ha funny. Weird.”
“I’m just happy. We’re finally getting out of here.”
Chelsea sighed as she looked out the window. “I spoke to my mom last night. I should move back to California. Kelsey and I could get an apartment. I have some work experience on my resume.”
“Montague?”
“Yeah. I didn’t do much, but I can say I was employed.”
“Tell me who your supervisor was. I can try to help.”
Chelsea shook her head. “No. I was thinking about going back to school to get my master’s degree. Abnormal psychology has suddenly become more fascinating.”
“Can’t you do that in New York?” I asked.
“There is an apartment on the Upper West side waiting for an occupant,” Nox said.