Dungeon Games (Masters and Mercenaries #6.5)(11)

“Give me just a second.” She remembered her manners. “Please, Sir.”

He nodded.

Why was it so much easier at the club? She had zero problems walking around Sanctum basically naked. She’d long ago accepted that she was an exhibitionist. Being naked felt good. When she was home alone, she rarely wore clothes unless she was cold. God only knew how many spankings she’d taken in her life. She enjoyed it. Another kink she accepted about herself.

Derek had seen her naked. He’d been at Sanctum plenty of times when she’d scened with one of her Dom friends. He’d seen the whole package, so why was she suddenly so self-conscious?

“If it helps, I think you’re beautiful, Karina.”

Kindness. It was the one thing that almost always disarmed her. She hadn’t had a whole lot of kindness from Derek Brighton, but then she hadn’t given him much of a chance. From the moment she’d laid eyes on him and felt that white-hot attraction she’d never felt before, she’d put up a wall between them.

“I thought I wasn’t your type.” She’d hated hearing those words and yet she fully understood that they weren’t compatible.

His mouth turned down, showing lines she hadn’t noticed before. Worry lines. She wanted to smooth them away. “I can still appreciate how beautiful you are. You know what I want from a submissive, right?”

She’d certainly heard the rumors. “You want a twenty-four seven relationship.”

“I do. I want a submissive who trusts me enough to take care of her. I want to be responsible for her. I want to take care of her financially, physically, and emotionally.”

She couldn’t do that. She knew deep down she wouldn’t be happy in that kind of a relationship. She enjoyed D/s, craved it, but she couldn’t give him what he needed. And she wasn’t sure she wanted to. She’d had the love of her life. A person only got one of those. He’d died five years before and she’d been alone ever since, likely would remain alone for all but small patches of time. She wouldn’t marry again, but did that mean she couldn’t ever have the comfort of another body against hers? The D/s scenes she performed with her friends didn’t ease the ache of loneliness inside her.

Was it really so wrong to take Derek up on his offer? Had she planned to spend the rest of her life without ever taking another lover?

“Just for the case.” She heard herself saying the words and her heart fluttered.

“Just for the case,” Derek agreed and patted his lap. “Trust me enough to take care of you as a Dom and as your partner.”

She was either in or out. It was so obvious. If she walked out the door, they might be able to work together, but she would never know why he made her heart pound in her chest when he walked in a room. Why did it have to be this one man? Why couldn’t it have been her husband who had earned her love?

Karina’s hands were shaking as she pushed the jeans over her hips and exposed her backside. Crisp chilly air hit her skin, but she still felt hot. Like her skin was too tight and she couldn’t make it stretch.

She pushed the jeans and underwear down and turned with as much grace as she could muster. She’d been in the lifestyle for a very long time, so she could handle turning with her legs bound. She managed to place herself over his lap and stared down at the floor.

Time seemed to stop. She stared at the clear plastic that protected the floor where Derek’s chair was placed. This was where he sat every day, and now he would have the memory of her laid out over his thighs. And she would have the memory of the way his cock pressed against her belly. He was so hard. Was that for her?

His hand covered her cheek, a soft touch as though he was the one hesitating now.

“Like I said, I think you’re quite beautiful, Karina. How long have you been in Dallas?”

His fingertips were skimming her ass, drawing out the anticipation of what would happen. She wanted to squirm, to make him move faster. She kind of thought he wouldn’t take that well. She settled for honesty. He had questions? She would give him answers. “Almost four years, Sir.”

She’d stayed in their Brooklyn apartment until she couldn’t handle the memories a second longer. She’d come to Dallas because she’d worked a job or two for Big Tag, and she didn’t have anywhere else to go. The heat of Texas hadn’t burned away her memories, but she’d been able to find her balance.

“You lived in New York?”

How little did he know about her? She figured after she’d called IA on his ass a year ago that he would do a search on her. “Yes. I was born in Queens, moved to Brooklyn. I decided I needed a change and Big Tag offered me a job.”

She didn’t mention Kevin. Somehow the thought of even saying her husband’s name seemed wrong here. This was between her and Derek.

His hand stopped its soft progress and he cupped her suddenly. “You’re not to make a sound unless it’s to tell me to stop. Do you understand?”

Oh, f*ck. He was going to do it. He was going to lay that big, callused hand on her backside and light her up. Her whole body went on alert, waiting for that second that he touched her again, for the little uptake of air that would be followed by the sound of his hand cracking on her ass and the flare of pain that signaled that she could rest.

Tears pricked her eyes because it had been so f*cking long. So long since she hadn’t simply scheduled this, since it came out of nowhere and she could turn her brain off for just a few seconds. She placed her hands on the floor to balance. She didn’t know how much he would want her to touch him so she wasn’t sure where to place her hands.