Defiance (The Protectors #9)(58)

Or I could tell him the truth and then try to explain to him why none of it mattered…why it changed absolutely nothing.

So I settled for something that had served me well in the past.

I kept my mouth shut and turned away from him and let him believe whatever the hell he wanted. It was the coward’s way out, but for once, I didn’t care. I kept my eyes on the expansive view of my backyard. I ignored the urge to look at the spot by the pond where everything had changed…where I’d slid into his body for the first time and had been certain it had been made just for me.

But of course, that was exactly where my gaze took me.

And all the while, Nathan remained where he was. I wanted to scream at him. To tell him to look around him…that this was my life. A life I couldn’t condemn him to.

Or myself.

That was the crux of it.

Even if I thought there was something between us worth exploring beyond the intense chemistry, I couldn’t go through even another minute like the thirty I’d spent in my car racing back here. I couldn’t obsess over Nathan’s whereabouts every second of every day and wonder if today was the day my enemies made the connection…that I finally had a vulnerability I couldn’t protect.

The mere thought of putting Nathan in danger had me forcing coldness into my voice as I said, “Nathan, go pack. We’re leaving in ten minutes.”

He didn’t respond and I didn’t dare look at him. But it wouldn’t have mattered because he was pushing into my arms a moment later, his strong fingers reaching up to clasp the back of my neck. “No,” he said firmly. “You broke our deal when you left me. I don’t take orders anymore.” He yanked me down for a hard kiss. I tried to keep from kissing him back, but it was like trying to stop the coming tide. But it wasn’t until he whispered, “Only place you get to order me around is in that big bed of yours, Vincent” and nipped at my lips and then licked over them with his tongue, that I knew I wasn’t going to win this one.

“What do you want?” he asked huskily.

I knew that physically, he was no match for me. But that didn’t matter, because he’d said the right words. He’d flipped that switch inside me that had lain dormant since I’d lost David.

David, who’d been the only one I’d ever trusted enough to show him what I needed.

Until now.

“Get on your knees,” I growled.

Nathan’s breath came out in a rush and his eyes went dark. He slowly sank to his knees in front of me. I could tell he knew what I wanted and that, despite everything I’d done to him, he was nervous. It was exactly the reason I’d given the order.

But I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to go.

Or stay.

He made the decision for me when he lifted his eyes to meet mine and waited. His hands were resting on the outside of my thighs.

“Open my pants. Take me out.”

His fingers shook as he did what I said, and it took him longer than it probably should have. But all that did was turn me on. I loved this side of him…this side where he confronted his fear, despite the fact that it made him so open and vulnerable.

I let out a groan as his fingers grazed my skin as he carefully worked my dick free of my pants. My eyes were fastened on him as he stared hungrily at my cock. His fingers were gently gripping my base. I could see my own juices still clinging to my dick since I hadn’t had a chance to clean up after the encounter in the kitchen beyond washing my hands.

Nathan didn’t even wait for my next order. Instead, he leaned in and pressed his nose against my groin and inhaled deeply. His thumb toyed with my skin briefly, and then his warm breath wafted over my flesh as he tentatively licked the shaft. He’d already tasted himself the night before when I’d shared the essence of his release with him, but he lingered over my flavor for a brief moment before taking another lick.

And another.

Over and over he tongued my shaft, licking up the remnants of my cum. Then his mouth was closing over the head and he gave me a gentle suck.

“Harder,” I groaned as I let my fingers slide through his soft hair.

His eyes lifted to mine even as he took me back into his mouth. He sucked harder, then harder still, carefully gauging my reaction. I’d intended to use the encounter to test how far he was willing to go, but I had my answer pretty quickly because within a minute, he was eagerly trying to take me to the back of his throat. It didn’t work, of course, but my body didn’t give a shit about his inexperience. Nor did he seem embarrassed by it, because despite the fact that he couldn’t figure out how to deep throat me, he kept working my dick between his mouth and his hands until I was ready to blow.

I tried to warn him, but the orgasm was on me before I could stop it and then I was unloading down his throat. He sputtered and jerked his mouth in surprise, causing some of my cum to hit his chin and neck. Just as quickly, he drew my dick back into his mouth and swallowed as much of my release as he could. By the time the orgasm had started to wane, his skin was glistening from my release and his pupils were blown. I yanked him to his feet and crushed my mouth against his, and then lapped up every drop of cum I could find as I walked him backwards towards the bed. His back hit the mattress as I shoved him down, and in one move, I was on my knees and pulling his sweats down. I swallowed him down before he could say anything, and when he came in my mouth moments later, he cried out my name.