Dear Life(72)
She sits down on one of the rickety bar stools at my kitchen island and taps the counter a few times. “Gee, this is great.”
Is she being serious right now? I look around my apartment, making sure I’m seeing the same thing she is. She thinks my apartment is great? Is that even possible?
“Snowflake, this place is a shithole.”
She shakes her head. “You’re not looking at it properly.” Standing, she comes to my side, links our hands together, and waves them in front of us, gesturing to my living space. “You may see the scuffs on the floor or the old, broken-down furniture, but what I see is freedom.” She turns to me, that gorgeous smile I’ve come to crave gracing her beautiful face. “This is your sanctuary. To you, it might not be much, but it doesn’t have to be, it just has to be your space. Got it?” She repeats my words back to me, making me smile.
“Got it,” I reply.
“Good.” She claps her hands in excitement. “Look at me teaching you how to love your space. Oh!” She turns to me, eyes bright. “This could be the something new you learned for Dear Life.”
“Ah, come on. You know I don’t participate in that stuff.”
“Yeah, your dream board on a napkin was very winning,” she says sarcastically.
“That took me a long time.” There is laughter in my voice.
“I’m sure.” She floats around my apartment, touching things, exploring as she speaks. “Why don’t you participate? You have to go to the meetings and write the letters, since you’re already there, you might as well join in.”
“I join in just enough.”
“Oh, I forgot.” She plays with the sheets nailed over my windows. “You’re Carter Crawford. You don’t participate, you’re too cool for that. Instead, your contribution to society is making sure the masses don’t get lost in the clouds by putting them in place with your cheery disposition.”
“I’m sensing sarcasm from the girl who is often stuck in the clouds.” I move up behind her, crowding her space.
“Living in the clouds can be fun.”
“Yeah, but at some point you’re going to have to face reality, which will vastly disappoint you.”
“So why not live in the clouds then?” she asks, turning to face me, her fingers tangling together with mine.
“Because, Snowflake, some of us aren’t as lucky as you. We can’t all live off money Daddy left behind. Some of us have to work for what we want.”
“Hey.” She steps back, her brow furrowed again, but this time, it’s not a furrow that’s going to win me brownie points. “That wasn’t very nice, Carter. I didn’t know my dad left me that money, it was a surprise to me.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Then how did you mean it? Because right now, it seems like you’re being a jerk and for no reason.”
God, she’s mad, and I find it adorable.
“You’re taking this the wrong way. You don’t get it. You should feel lucky you don’t have to work as hard as I do just to stay afloat.”
She shakes her head. “No, Carter, you don’t get it. You think the world owes you something because so far you haven’t had the best luck. Well, guess what? You’re not the only person who thinks you were jousted by life. I’m twenty-one, I’ve never been on an airplane, and I’ve never been out of the state of Colorado. Friends? Didn’t know what they were until a few months ago. Being intimate with a man? Yeah, have no idea what that’s like. I’m so sheltered, so cut off from this world. For each new experience I have to constantly deal with high anxiety and the constant questioning of myself, making sure I’m not coming on too strong or being insensitive because the only true human interaction I had was with my grams. This is all new to me and don’t you think I feel like I’ve been missing out? Because I have. I’ve missed out on everything. Prom, first boyfriends, sneaking out just to spite my parents, and doing stupid stuff every teenager does just for the heck of it. That’s all foreign to me. You might feel like life owes you something, but it owes me too. Life isn’t all cotton candy and rainbows over here.”
“Then let’s change that,” I say, staring her down, like a wolf eyes his prey.
“What do you mean?” she asks, looking like a scared little lamb.
“You want reality? You want to fall from the clouds? How’s this for you?” I take a few steps toward her, closing the distance between us. “When I first saw you at Dear Life, in those hideous overalls and a turtleneck, all I could think about was what you might be hiding underneath. And then you opened your mouth.” I take another step. “Your voice, so innocent, so pure, it hit me straight in the gut like nothing I’d ever experienced before.” Another step. “Then you smiled, and I thought I got sucker-punched in the goddamn jaw. You were so bright, so untouched.” Finally reaching her, I cup her cheek. Is she this soft everywhere else? “And then I saw your heart, and I thought it was a fucking dream. How could this intricate snowflake, so crystal clear yet complex, how could she even want to talk to me?” Reaching with the other hand, I cup the back of her neck. “But you did, and fuck if I haven’t thought about you every day since then.” I take a deep breath and leap forward. “I like you, Daisy, more than I should, because we both know you should be hanging out with someone a whole lot better than me, but hell if I’ll let that happen, not when you still find me interesting. Call me a selfish prick, a fucking asshole, but you make me forget everything around me. You’re an authentic beauty, but not the everyday kind. You only meet a Daisy once in a lifetime, and fuck if I’m going to let this chance pass me by.”