Dear Life(24)

She shakes her head. “No, I’m afraid I might die before I’m able to see Christian in action for all the movies.”

“Grams! Don’t say things like that.”

“I’m serious. What if I die before I get to see all the Fifty movies? How unfair would that be?”

I can’t even believe we’re having this conversation. My grams, the woman who told me that showing cleavage is unladylike, that has sworn me away from anything sexual my entire life, is talking about how she’s scared she might die before seeing all of her erotic romance movies. Who is this person and what did she do with my grams?

“Uh, I really don’t know how to respond to that.”

“Understandable.” She pats my hand. “It’s a hard notion to comprehend. Don’t worry, I’ll hold strong for Christian.”

Isn’t that a relief. My grams is living for this Christian fella. Here I thought she might want to keep living for me.

“So, tell me how you’re fitting in with Amanda and her fiancé.”

“They’re very nice. They’ve really welcomed me into their home, which I appreciate. They have a pretty big townhouse, at least big compared to our old two-bedroom apartment. I have my own room and bathroom.”

“Oh, how nice.”

“Yeah, and there is enough space in my bedroom for me to set up my craft table. That’s why I was able to finish my vest. They also have cable. I’ve dabbled in a few shows but nothing has really caught my interest until Amanda introduced me to the Hallmark channel. Oh Grams, you would love the delightful movies on this channel.”

“Romance?” she asks with a raised eyebrow.

I blush. She knows I’m that girl who loves love. From the early musicals I’ve watched, to some of the I Love Lucy episodes I’ve fawned over, I’ve always enjoyed the love storylines. Girl meets boy, they fall in love, boy loses girl and then boy gets girl back with a grand gesture. I’ve always wondered what it would feel like to be one of those girls, to experience a man fawning over them, doing anything possible to win their heart. Would he sing me a song like Gene Kelly in Singin’ in the Rain, would he propose to me out of the blue like in Meet Me in St. Louis, or would he get stupid drunk over my love like in There’s No Business like Show Business? Would it even happen for me?

Answering her question, I say, “Yes, there is romance in the movies. All innocent, nothing like the books and movies you speak of.”

“I’ll have to check out this Hallmark channel. We have cable here too.”

“You’ll love it.” Pausing for a second, I bite my bottom lip and say, “I also joined this program down at the church.”

“Program? Like volunteering?”

“No.” I shake my head, unsure how to approach this topic.

Why do I feel nervous telling her about Dear Life? Maybe because she’s one of the reasons I’m taking it. How do I tell her that I need to learn how to live in the real world without insulting her?

“Then what is it, dearie? It’s not some druggie thing, is it?”

“No.” I chuckle. “Believe me, I would never do anything like that. It’s a program called Dear Life.”

“Dear life? Sounds interesting. What’s it about?”

Taking a deep breath, I say, “It’s a program to help you learn how to live.”

Her brow furrows. “What do you mean?”

Nervously, I twist my hands on my lap, trying to find the right words. “Well, since I’ve been living with Amanda, I’ve realized there is a lot I don’t know. It’s kind of a culture shock since they live so differently from the way I did. I’m sure you experienced the same shock when you moved into community living.”

Her face lightens, understanding crosses her features. “Yes, it was quite startling at first, but I’ve adjusted.”

“So you understand where I’m coming from. There is so much going on in the world I had no idea about. It’s quite overwhelming. And to be honest, I’m not as outgoing as you. I would never be able to walk up to a group of women and ask to be in their book club, let alone discuss an erotic romance with others. I wish I was as brave as you.”

I don’t notice my face is cast down until Grams grips my chin and forces me to look her in the eyes. “You’re brave, dearie. You just have to find that bravery within you. So, is this program helping you find the new you?”

Slightly relieved, I nod. “Yeah, you could put it that way. So far I’ve attended one meeting, and I have the second tonight. That’s where I’m heading once I leave here.”

“That’s wonderful. Have you met anyone yet at these meetings? Made any friends?”

“Not really.” My lips quirk to the side in disappointment. “I actually think I’m in a dud group.”

“Why?”

Sitting back, I recollect my first meeting. “We were sectioned off into groups, based on where we were sitting. I happened to be sitting next to the guy who doesn’t want to be there, his archenemy who is a girl, and a man who barely looks like he’s surviving. I know we’re all at the meeting for a reason but none of them really want to share. It’s a little upsetting. I was hoping to be in a group who was jazzed about the program.”