Dear Life(119)

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Dear Life,

I once blamed you for making me a widow at such a young age. I tore you apart for tearing me apart. I swore at you every day, hating what you did to me, giving me such heartache.

But as I write this letter, my shoulder pressing against Jace’s, I get it. Life isn’t always about the good; it’s about the trials and tribulations and how you come back from them.

I thought I lost everything when Eric passed. I cowered away from what you had to offer because I was too scared to put myself out there again. Now I’m glad I did because the joy I feel being in Jace’s life eclipses the pain I once felt from losing Eric.

I will always remember, love, and reminisce about him, but he’s my past, and I’m now focusing on my future. I’m proving my existence.

Sincerely,

Hollyn.



Dear Life,

Singin’ in the Rain is one of my favorite musicals of all time, not just because the tap dancing is mesmerizing and the vocals are exquisite, but because the backstory of the making of the movie resonates with me. Debbie Reynolds was the underdog coming in when it came to dancing. Gene Kelly and Donald O’Connor were magicians when it came to tapping, leaving Debbie behind, having to practice over and over again until her feet were bleeding. Everyone knew she was the underdog, and even Gene Kelly made a comment saying her dancing wasn’t up to par.

But then a white knight came along. Fred Astaire guided her, helped her, and gave her the confidence and opportunity to succeed.

Carter is my Fred Astaire. Without him, I don’t think I would have succeeded in this program. I don’t know if I would have been able to continue to step out of my comfort zone and become that woman in the mirror. But I have.

I’m her. I’m vivacious, outgoing, assertive, and able to live, truly, from the depths of my body, live.

It’s never too late to learn how to live, and I’m just glad I started now.

Sincerely,

Daisy



Dear Life,

You gave me a daughter when I couldn’t take care of her.

You gave me a love when she wasn’t ready.

You gave me an indecisive baby mama who put me through hell and back.

You gave me a lying best friend who would do just about anything to protect the woman he loves.

You gave me two strangers with kind and warm hearts.

Weirdly if you add it all up, what you really gave me is a family, and for that, I will forever be grateful.

Jace



Dear Life,

Thank you.

Carter



Dear Life,

January 11, 2016, was a pivotal day for me. At the time, I was blind to the meaning of it all, not sure why you would throw me for such a loop when my wife and I were trying to adopt a baby. Why you would take away something so meaningful to me, something I enjoyed and took pride in. I didn’t get it.

January 11, 2016, I was let go from my job, for reasons I still don’t understand. Probably for reasons I will never understand. Driving home that day, a box full of my belongings in the back of my car, all I could do was cry and think about how ashamed, embarrassed, angry, and upset I felt. I experienced every bitter emotion you could conjure up. I curled up on my couch and waited for my wife to get home, only to cry onto her shoulder while she held me, never letting go until I was ready.

Unsure of our future, our adoption chances, with a few adoption misses already under our belt, I dove head first into becoming a full-time author, hoping and praying it worked out for me, but with the worry in the back of my mind that losing my job would affect any chance we had at adopting a baby.

Ten days later, ten short days later, in the midst of the release of a book, I got a phone call that would alter my world forever. It was from our adoption advisor. A birth mom in Florida picked our profile. We were expecting a baby boy in May.

Those were the hardest five months of my life. I wasn’t the same person. The normally jovial, sarcastic, crazy person I am was nowhere to be found and in her place was a worrisome, numb, shell of a woman. I didn’t want to become emotionally invested, knowing there was a chance the birth mom could change her mind and we would lose everything.

I will never forget that day, in the hospital, when I watched my birth mom say goodbye to her son and hand him over to me. I will never forget it. The sterile smell of the room, the small, quiet sobs from the birth mom, the nearly silent clicking of photos, and the precious coos coming from the little boy I soon would call my son. It’s branded in my memory, forever reminding me that in this crazy, upturned world, there are still selfless people out there, making decisions that don’t necessarily benefit themselves, but instead benefit others.

When I was at my lowest, I didn’t know there was a grander scheme out there for me, a bigger picture I was unable to formulate in my mind.

You see, Life, I thought you took away my job just to put a fork in my road, but instead, you took away my job so I could prepare myself to be a stay-at-home, working mom. You took away my job so I can spend my days watching my little boy grow, laugh, smile, and look at me with those deep-chocolate eyes with such love that I don’t think I will ever feel more fulfilled in my life.

I thought you were trying to ruin me, when in fact, you were preparing me for the next chapter in my life.

You took away my job and in return made me a mommy. It’s the best job replacement I could ever ask for. So, thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you. I’m forever indebted to you.