Dear Life(113)

As she chews, her eyes close briefly, and I take that as a good sign. Practically bouncing off the walls, I clasp my hands in front of my chest.

“What do you think?”

She set the fork down and gives me a smile. “When can you start?”

“Really?” I squeal and launch myself into Mary Fran’s arms. “Are you serious?” I shake the poor woman up and down as I hug her.

Stilling my shoulders, she gives us some space and laughs. “I’m serious. You have exactly what I’m looking for. We might have to work on our personal space, but I think you’re going to be the perfect addition.”

“Oh gosh, this is so exciting. Grams is going to drop dead from elation when I tell her. When can I start?”

“I asked you that same question.” The humor in Mary Fran’s voice reassures me that we’re going to get along just fine.

“Anytime. I’m free whenever.” I’m way too eager right now, but I don’t care, as this is my first job. My first ever job. Gah, someone is going to pay me to bake all day. How did I get so lucky?

If this isn’t proving my existence, then I don’t know what is.

It’s moments like these that I wish I still had my friend.

I wish I could share it with Carter.

HOLLYN

Wine in one hand, my phone in the other, my mind telling me to do one thing, my heart telling me to do another. With my legs propped up on my newly purchased nursing books for the classes I start this summer, my finger hits the button it’s been hovering over, his voice filling my dark, and semi-empty apartment.

“Hey, Twigs, picking up pizza now. I’ll be home in ten. You better be naked, you promised me a naked pizza party. Love you.”

Tears.

I rest my head on the back of the couch.

“Remember the day I found a German Shepherd in a cornfield and you wanted to keep it? You named him Cob. I kind of wish we did keep him. Cob would have been a fine addition to our little family, even if his farts were deathly.”

The deep timber of his voice . . .that voice, I miss it so much. It used to lull me to sleep when I wasn’t feeling good, or excite me about something new in my life. In the bedroom, or anywhere for that matter, just a whisper from those beautifully handsome lips would turn me on.

“Twigs, can you make dinner tonight? I’m going to be late. Grilled cheese and soup sounds amazing. P.S. I’m going to need some serious snuggle time with you. I miss you hard.”

Eyes to the ceiling. More tears. I try to catch my breath.

I miss you hard.

“I miss you hard, too, Eric.” My lip trembles as I scroll down to his very last message, the one message that has broken my heart time and time again.

“I’m sorry about our fight, Twigs. Please don’t be mad at me. When I get home, I want to talk some more. Until then, know I love you with all my heart.”

It’s so hard to breathe.

“I will always love you with all of my heart, Eric,” I say between sobs. “But I have to live.” Thinking about Jace, I continue, “You always said you want me to be happy, no matter what. Well, for a brief moment, Jace made me happy. I was just too scared to fully let him in. I think I’m ready to let that happen now.” I exit out of the app and press down on it. Each app on my phone starts to dance with little “Xs” in the top right corner. “A part of me believes you brought Jace to me, to help me finally get over this last hump. The fact that you did it in baseball form will not go unnoticed.” Taking a deep breath, I glance up at his urn that rests on my mantel. Garnering strength from him, I say, “I’m ready to live again, but please, Eric, please know that you will forever be in my heart. And when my time comes, you better be waiting for me, tossing a football and wearing that sexy smirk of yours.” Choking on a sob, I look at my phone. “I love you so hard, Eric. Always.” And with one last exhale, I press the X on my Voxer app, deleting his voice forever.

Everything around me fades as my actions sink in. His clothes have been donated, besides three items I couldn’t get rid of, his jersey being one of them. His cherished items around the house, all donated to people on Craigslist looking for a new start. His voice recordings, now a distant memory.

My heart is broken and battered, but a weight is lifting off my shoulders. It’s time. Time to embrace the new beginning in front of me.

Wiping my tears, I put my plan into action. The phone rings twice before he picks up.

“Hollyn, what’s up?”

Taking a deep breath, I say, “Matt, I need a favor.”

CARTER

I’ve been through a lot in my life. My parents were heroin addicts, overdosing and killing themselves from their own stupidity. Having to move in with my uncle who I thought resented me my entire life. Facing his unconventional way of parenting and emerging from that. All that seems like a cakewalk compared to what I’m about to do next.

I straighten my leather jacket and stop dicking around. I knock on the door in front of me, hoping and praying she isn’t home.

I wait a few seconds before Amanda opens the door to me, and yeah, not surprised to see that scowl. “Daisy doesn’t live here anymore and even if she did, I wouldn’t let you in.”

That welcome I expected. What I wasn’t expecting was Daisy living somewhere else. I can’t help but feel a little proud. She’s doing it. She’s living. Damn, I wish I’d been there to see her when she moved into her first place.