Dear Aaron(128)

He made a chuffing sound against my leg as he stroked it from the calf down to the ankle and back up. Aaron didn’t say anything for a while, his gaze stayed forward on the fire.

With the hand not on his chest, I touched his soft blond hair and leaned in closer to his ear. “I don’t know what to do with my life either, you know. But someone I know told me not to give up on my dreams. You know I’ll help you figure it out in any way I can, just like I know you’ll help me any way you can. Ruron, remember?”

That had him tilting his face to the side, peering at me over his shoulder thoughtfully. Before I could react, before I could even think, he pressed his mouth against mine. Lip to lip, just a press, then a peck on the corner before he smiled softly and nodded almost hesitantly like he believed what I said but was still a little unsure.

And that was okay. Because I wasn’t going to quit telling him what he needed to hear. Not ever.

Neither one of us talked much as we ate smores roasted over the fire, and hours later, once the fire had finally died down enough for us to smother it completely, we trudged back to the house. My head had been full of all kinds of things I wanted to think about and all kinds of things I didn’t want to think about.

But there was one thing I couldn’t stop thinking about.

And that one particular thought stuck with me as we went back to the house and I detoured to shower because I smelled like smoke. With that same thought still in my head as I got dressed, I told myself that I only got to live this life once. Just once.

And somewhere deep down inside of me, I was the brave twenty-one-year-old who had done something I couldn’t ever imagine redoing. Except this time, it was with someone that every part of me was convinced loved me back. Loved me back and wouldn’t be afraid to hide it, if there was anything to hide.

But there wasn’t.

There wasn’t, but if there had been, Aaron would never make me his dirty secret.

Never.

So when I saw the sliver of light coming in from beneath the doorway of his room, the door slightly cracked, I shook off the tingling coming from my fingertips and told myself that I was a different person than I’d been even just a few days ago.

I pushed the door open a little more, nerves buzzing along my skin trying to convince me that I was scared. I ignored them as much as I could.

If I was going to be brave for anyone, it should be Aaron.

“Yoohoo?” I tried to ask, but it came out like a whisper.

He was kneeling in front of the bed, his suitcase wide open as he rummaged through it, but the moment I spoke, he stopped what he was doing and glanced over, smiling easily. “You okay?”

“Yes,” I said, pushing the door open wider. “Can I come in?”

“You don’t have to ask, Rubes,” he said in a chiding tone. “Like I’d ever tell you I don’t want to see you.”

How did he do this to me? How? Swallowing the knot in my throat, I finally opened the door wide and stepped inside, closing and locking the door behind me. Aaron’s eyes stayed on my face the entire time, obviously aware that I’d just gotten out of the shower from how wet my hair was, up in a knot at the top of my head. I smiled at him as I walked over to his bed, sitting on the edge of the corner closest to him.

“Good shower?” he asked, getting to his feet with a clean shirt and boxers in hand.

I nodded, trying my best to ignore the butterflies in my stomach going crazy at what the hell I was going to say.

Something must have been apparent on my face because Aaron made a goofy expression. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” I croaked out.

He raised an eyebrow.

“Nothing is wrong.”

His eyebrow still didn’t go anywhere.

“Aaron.”

“Ruby.”

“Aaron, for real.”

“Ruby, for real.”

I groaned and fell back on his bed with a sigh, staring up at the ceiling like it would give me magical steel balls I’d been missing my entire life. The mattress dipped and I didn’t need to see Aaron’s face to know he was right beside me… moving closer to my hip from the way the bed moved and from the heat hitting my skin.

His hand landed on the hand I had resting on my stomach, and he made a little sound. “Tell me what’s up.”

Did I want to look him in the eye as I said what I wanted to say? No. Not really.

Should I?

That answer to that was an unfortunate yes.

Sliding my elbows up over the comforter I’d just realized had been neatly made at some point, I propped myself up and let out the deep breath I hadn’t noticed I’d been holding. I’d brushed my teeth and rinsed out my mouth while I’d been in the bathroom, so there was that at least. Those brown eyes were on me and intent, and his mouth twisted just enough for that dimple of his to pop.

Now or never, Ruby. It was game time.

Swallowing the grapefruit in my throat, I pretty much whispered, “Can I sleep with you tonight?”

Brown eyes blinked.

Now or never, I repeated to myself. The world was for the strong.

So I kept going. “And by sleep, I mean later-later, if you know what I mean.”

He knew what I meant. He always knew what I meant.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” I rushed out, feeling my imaginary tiny, balls rolling away and hiding.