Dear Aaron(127)

I could tell Aaron was uncomfortable. Embarrassed maybe. And honestly, I could have repeated to him a dozen times that it was fine he hadn’t been upfront about his family or who owned the beach house but… why? It had hurt my feelings a little when I’d found out and put the rest of the pieces together. I understood why he’d done it. I did.

But…

He still hadn’t told me, and it made me ache a hair. Just a hair. I couldn’t cure trust issues overnight.

“Ru—”

Getting up to my feet, I grabbed a log off the stack and walked around to the other side of the pit. “You need another one. I wasn’t an Eagle Scout, but I can tell that’s going to fall over in no time.”

Aaron’s mouth seemed to open before he closed it and pasted a tight smile on his mouth with a nod and a gulp he probably assumed I didn’t noticed, but I had.

“You still haven’t gotten the fire started?” came Max’s voice a moment before he started kicking up sand just a few feet away, stopping at the edge of the pit with his hands on his hips. “Do you need me to do it?”

Aaron huffed a tight laugh at the same time Max shot him a dirty look. “You do it? Right.”

Max rolled his eyes. “Some of us go into manhood knowing how to do things and don’t need to be in the Scouts.”

“Is that why you made me change your tire twice?”

Max blinked. “Fuck you.”

They bickered back and forth for the next hour while Aaron started the fire, after grumbling about kindling. Then Brittany, Des, and Mindy made their way to the beach with plastic grocery bags in their hands just as the sun completely fell behind the horizon and everything darkened. Down the beach, I could see another small bonfire going. I’d snagged a spot on one of the chairs they had brought from the house, rubbing my hands over my calves to warm them up while the fire grew larger. Mindy came over and took the seat beside me, spending almost all her time typing on her phone. As every minute passed, it got harder to accept that this was my last night here without making a big deal about it.

Aaron was in his element with his friends, arguing with Des and Max about everything and anything. I just watched him. At one point, just as they started busting out the bags of marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate bars, we made eye contact. I winked at him.

“I think I’m gonna go sit… over there,” Mindy said abruptly, getting up without hesitation and going over to the other side.

I watched Aaron smile as he got to his feet too and patted her on the shoulder while they passed each other. Then it was my turn to smile as he came to a stop in front of me, both his hands going to cup the top of my head before sliding down until they rested on my shoulders. “What are you doing sitting all the way over here by yourself?”

I shrugged. “Nothing. The chair was lonely over here.”

He frowned as he lowered himself to his knees on the sand, pushing my legs apart on the way. Aaron scooted into the space, his back against the seat, my knees on either side of his shoulders. His hands went to my ankles, circling them. The side of his cheek rested against the inside of my knee. I could feel his breath on it, and that’s what told me he was talking.

Leaning forward, I moved just close enough to hear him. “What did you say?”

He peeked at me out of the corner of his eye as he took my hand away from where I had it resting on my thigh, bringing the palm to sit right over those perfectly built pecs, the muscle taut, his body warm. But it was the feel of his heart beating steadily that relaxed me. “I said, I could sit right here for the rest of my life.”

“Oh? That’s all you said?”

I could see the corner of his mouth perk up into a slow smile. “Yeah.”

I rubbed my hand in a circle over his chest, feeling more of his body on me.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about it,” he said into my knee.

“It’s okay.”

He shook his head. “It’s not okay. I’m sorry, Ru. It’s just…”

I moved my hand to smooth over the short hair on his head, and he leaned into me.

“Where I’m from, everybody knows about my family. It’s no secret.”

“I’m sure.”

“No, I want to tell you I just… you live in your family’s shadow for so long, and when you don’t want to be in it anymore, everyone thinks you’re a dumbass.”

“You’re not dumb. Who made you feel like that?” I asked a little defensively.

“Everyone.” His mouth touched the inside of my knee. “That’s why I went into the military. I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but I knew I didn’t want to go to college and join the family business like my brother had done, and my dad had before him. It’s what everyone expected. It’s what everyone’s always done. Joined one of the family businesses.”

Were there more? But instead I asked, “But you don’t want to?”

One of Aaron’s hands wrapped around my bare calf. “No. Not really.” There was a pause. “I don’t know anymore, Ru.”

“Then don’t,” I told him as easily as he always told me I could do everything and anything. “Or do. This is going to sound really cliché, but it’s the truth: you can do whatever you want. Anything. You’ll figure it out. Just because you didn’t want to go to college years ago doesn’t mean you can’t in the future. You can stay in the military if you want. You can do anything. As long as you’re happy, you can never be a failure. You don’t have to make a ton of money to be successful, you know. Look at me, I’d rather be poor and stressed out than have a steady job that I hate.” I hesitated. “Maybe I’m not the best example. All I’m saying is, do whatever you want to do. That’s what you’re always preaching to me, isn’t it?”