Darker Days (The Darker Agency #1)(63)

Thankfully, it was Saturday, which meant no school to worry about. My mind drifted to last night and everything Lukas had said. Mom was the optimist, not me. No matter how I fought it, I knew he was right. We were out of options. I couldn’t force him to pawn Wrath off on someone else. He’d never be able to live with himself. It didn’t matter how we felt or how long we’d both waited to find each other. The outcome had been inevitable from the start. Lukas knew that from the moment he’d entered the office, even if I hadn’t.

As for what Simon said about help, with no real clue, we had no idea where to start looking and time was short. There was only one day left, and Mom had raised me to be realistic. I knew I wouldn’t give up—I was too stubborn for that—but in my heart, I didn’t believe we’d find the answer in time.

There were two ways I could approach this. I could do what I always did—turn away and distance myself. Losing Lukas would hurt no matter what because I was past the point of no return. I’d fallen, and I’d fallen hard. I wanted the chance to get to know everything about him. What foods he liked and what he hated. I wanted to learn about all his annoying habits and have the opportunity to complain about them to my friends. To walk hand in hand in public, out in the sunshine and free… But that would never happen, and getting further involved would only make things worse.

For me.

But Lukas had said going back would be easier this time since he’d have something good to hold onto. Serenity.

The other option was for me to do what was best for Lukas. I could make our time together—what little we had left—count. Mom didn’t want me involved with finding the other Sins? Fine. I had more important things to do. I could squeeze in as many good memories as time would allow and give Lukas something real to hold onto.

Being a jump-in-without-looking kind of girl, I decided to do just that.

I gathered some clothes and tiptoed into the bathroom. I could hear Mom moving around downstairs but was hoping to get in and out of the house without running into her.

When I finally made it down to the office, everything was quiet. It looked like I was still in the clear. I was careful not to let the door slam as I slipped outside and into the sunshine. Mom might be able to sleep through a nuclear war, but when awake, her hearing was like a dog on steroids.

“You’re up early.”

“Yeah,” I said, shuffling closer to the sidewalk. So much for getting out unnoticed. I wasn’t sure why I’d even tried. “Stuff to do. Cases to crack. The usual.”

Mom took a step forward. “Where you off to?”

“Um, I wanted to hit the craft supply store.”

She looked confused. “Craft supply? Since when have you taken up macramé?”

“I was thinking of making you a macaroni picture for the fridge. Maybe a cute little kitten. Or a werewolf?” I rolled my eyes and took another subtle step toward the sidewalk. “Not for me. For Lukas.”

And just like that, she was down the walk and by the car, keys in hand. “I’ll go with you.” She held out the keys and flashed a tentative smile. “Wanna drive?”

I didn’t have to think twice. Mom’s car, a white 2011 Mustang GT with black and red stripes, was normally off limits. I snatched the keys and slid into the smooth leather driver’s seat before she had second thoughts.

We drove the entire way in silence, Mom breaking it only as we pulled into the parking lot of Michaels.

I went right for the door handle, but Mom cleared her throat. “I never once regretted it. You need to know that.”

I didn’t ask her what she meant. I knew. Letting go of the handle, I sank back into the seat and twisted sideways. She looked sad.

“You’re my entire world, Jessie. You and your father. And I know it seems to you that what we go through might not be worth it, but I assure you, it is. Every minute I have with him—borrowed, stolen or otherwise—is worth all the moments I spend missing him.”

“I’m sorry about what I said.”

She undid her seat belt and twisted to face me. “Don’t be sorry. Never be sorry to tell me what you think. But don’t be closed-minded, either. I made my choice, and I’ve never looked back.”

“I know you told me not to get attached…but I did.” I sucked in a deep breath. “You’ll say it’s only temporary and that my feelings will fade, but I’m not like that. I don’t know what it is I feel for him exactly, but I know I care, and I know that the thought of never seeing him again makes it hard to breathe.”

“Oh, honey. Your grandfather said exactly the same thing to me. I was younger than you when I met Damien, and I knew. From the moment I saw him, I knew. There has never been, and never will be, anyone else for me.”

I was dangerously close to crying.

She took my hand and squeezed. “Do I want that for you? Of course not. I want you to find someone normal and be blissfully happy. I want you to go to college and get married. I want you to have a real, conventional job that doesn’t involve mortal danger and bloodshed. I want you to be normal. But as you’ve pointed out—many times—you’re not normal. Maybe there will be someone else for you down the line—and maybe there won’t. But you can’t avoid love because you’re afraid to get hurt, and you can’t choose who you fall in love with. If Lukas is the right one, then I’m sorry you have to go through this.”