Court of Nightfall (The Nightfall Chronicles #1)(16)

I couldn't look anymore... not until I'd cleaned up.

I turned the water to the hottest setting until steam filled the bathroom, then stepped in, bracing myself against the burn of the water. I let it soak me as rivulets of bloody water circled the drain. I washed my hair four times, until nothing but clear water ran through it. And I scrubbed my skin until it nearly peeled off my body.

As the last of my parents' blood, now just a stain of pale pink, pooled at my feet, a dam inside of me broke, and I fell to my knees in the shower and sobbed, my body shaking with grief. I couldn't stop. Couldn't quiet myself as my sobs grew louder, a keening brokenness tearing out of me.

I didn't hear the knock at the door. Didn't realize Jax had come in until he entered the shower and wrapped his arms around me as he sat under the water, fully clothed, holding me.

In that moment, I didn't think about his lies, his alter-identity. I didn't think about what our future would be or what I would do tomorrow. I just clung to my friend, to the person I'd grown up with, to the only one who knew me inside and out. I clung to him as my heart broke, and he gave me his strength even as he mourned with me. Even as his tears mingled with mine. Even as the water chilled... still we sat there, embraced in our shared grief.

I hadn't been the only one who'd lost family today. My parents had been his family too. Whatever else had happened between us, whatever else would happen later, he was my brother in this loss, and I couldn't shut him out. I needed him too much.

Time passed, but I didn't feel it. Everything stood still until finally my sobs subsided, and I could breathe again. The pain didn't go away but buried itself in my heart. It created a new home in me, nursing on the anger that had begun to swell there.

I looked into Jax’s eyes, my eyelids heavy, tears staining my cheeks.

"I'm so sorry, Star. I loved them too. I miss them too.” He brushed wet hair off my cheek. “I'm so sorry. I should have been there. This is all my fault."

Star. He hadn't called me that since we were little. Only my parents still called me that. I waited for the grief to swell again, but I'd cried all I could cry for the night, and a ravenous hunger overcame me instead.

I pulled away, covering my breasts with my hands as he turned off the now cold water. "I know you do," I said. "They loved you like their own. I know they wouldn't blame you, and you shouldn't blame yourself either. Even if you'd been there, you couldn't have stopped the Nephilim. No one could have."

But I would. Someday, I would.

He averted his eyes and handed me a towel, which I wrapped around myself before standing. "I'll go get dressed."

I grabbed the clothes he'd given me and the tissue box and left him in the bathroom.

I heard the shower turn back on as I dried off and dressed, then shoved the tissue box into a corner under his bed until I could figure out how to keep my few precious belongings safe.

He came out a few minutes later in just a towel, his body more muscular than I remembered, the wolf pendant he always wore dangling around his neck. I turned my head while he shrugged into his own clothes.

He handed me a brown paper bag and sat across from me on his bed. "Some food and some Life Force. You need to get your blood sugar up."

"Thank you. I'm starving."

He had his own bag, and we ate our food in silence. I took a bite of the turkey sandwich he'd brought and nearly spit it out. "I think this meat is bad, or something," I said, holding it out to him.

He took a bite. "Tastes fine to me," he said with his mouth full.

"Mouth closed when chewing," I teased, slipping back into old me as if the day hadn't happened.

He opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue, bits of half eaten food making a grotesque vision.

"You are disgusting," I said. "Seriously."

We both smiled, but our humor faded fast. I put the sandwich back in the bag and picked up the packet of Life Force, ripping it open and sucking out the sweet nectar that promised "life, health and the zenith force." I felt instantly better. I'd never much cared for Life Force as an energy drink before. It always made me a bit jittery. But now I pulled out a second packet and drank that down quickly, feeling the unquenchable hunger in my gut finally subside.

Around me, colors brightened, and my senses became more alert. No wonder everyone loved this stuff.

Jax finished his sandwich and his own Life Force, and then we sat back, looking at each other.

"Jax, what's going on? What were my parents a part of?"

He shifted on the bed, avoiding eye contact with me. "I'm not sure I should be the one telling you this… "

"Jax, please… I need to know. I have the right to know."

He nodded. "Years ago, before we were born, your parents found some kind of weapon, something that could cripple the Orders, something that could potentially lead to the destruction of the world. Some of the councilors wanted to use it on their enemies. Your parents argued against it. They won their case and, under orders, went into hiding with the device. My father was charged with guarding them. Once I was old enough, I was charged with guarding you."

All these years we were sitting on something that could destroy the world? "Why did you never tell me?"

"The same reason as your parents," he said, sadly. "They didn't want this life for you. They didn't want you to be a Templar."