Conviction(9)

She’s older than me, about forty I reckon. She’s beautiful don’t get me wrong. She’s stunning and keeps herself in good shape, but none of that matters. Because she’s not her. None of them are her and that’s why none of them matter.

“Oh dear, stalker alert at two o’clock,” Jet says quietly from beside me as Lara sucks on his neck, her arms and legs wrapped around him as he continues to carry her like a baby monkey clinging to his chest.

“Yeah, I see. Don’t make eye contact.” We both keep looking straight ahead, aiming for the lift that’s only destination is to our room.

“Reed,” she calls out.

“Fuck,” Jet and I both whisper together. We both turn at the same time and face Amanda.

“Well, looky here, it’s Miss Mandy. You coming up to play with us sweetie?” Jet asks her. She knows what he’s asking. Amanda is aware of the kind of games we like to play, especially after a show. She’s seen what goes on and knows how we operate, even joining us once. I watch as her eyes move from me to Jet, to Lara and back to Jet again.

“I actually wondered if you fancied going for something to eat, Reed.” Her eyes move back to mine. Fuck, I don’t want to be an arsehole, but there’s no way I’m going anywhere with her.

“Sorry Amanda, I’ve already got plans,” I tell her.

“But you’re more than welcome to join us if you want,” Jet adds.

“Will I have your undivided attention if I do, Reed?”

I shake my head before she’s even finished speaking. “You know that’s not how we operate, Amanda. Now if you don’t mind, it’s been a long tour, and now it’s over I’m gonna go and have some fun before I fly home tomorrow.” We turn and head back toward the lift and leave her standing there. I feel bad, but I shouldn’t. We had a quick f*ck in an office at the studios one drunken night and then she joined Jet and me for a foursome with some other girl, whose name I don’t remember. Although technically, I just watched and directed the three of them in action, until the very last minute when I came in the mouth of the unnamed girl, pissing Amanda off big time. That was about three months ago, and despite me telling her from the start there was nothing more than sex between us since then, she’s constantly tried ways to be alone with me. She’s invited me out for drinks, lunch, coffee, and dinner. She’s tried them all. I’ve refused each and every offer and yet here she is, still trying, still not giving up. She’s persistent, I’ll give her that.





I step out of the shower and grab a towel off the rack and wrap it around my hips. I grab another and rub my hair dry with it while wandering into the bedroom. I sit on the bed and stare down at the carpet, mentally preparing myself for tonight’s events. We invited two couples and two girls back to join us. Plus, we’ve now added Lara to the mix.

The buzz from the coke I had earlier is wearing off and if the truth be told, I’d quite happily go straight to bed right now, but if I do that I’ll start to think, and the first and probably the last thing I’ll think about is her. I get the usual stab of pain in my gut and chest, the instant I allow her image to enter my head.

The night she didn’t show up, my life changed forever. That night, changed the course I thought my life was set on. Her not showing, resulted in my brother’s death and me going to prison. Ultimately, all of those things had led me to Jet and the band, but I’d give it all up in a heartbeat if it meant I got my brother back and if the accident hadn’t happened. I look up toward the door as it rattles and Jet calls my name.

“Reed, dude, hope you’re not in there getting all depressed. Get out here and have some fun. Stop thinking and come join us.”

I take a deep breath in and let it out slowly. It hurts. I don’t know why but by keeping my breaths short and shallow, it helps keeps the pain away. When I breathe deep, it’s like I let go of the tightness in my chest a little, which in turn, lets the ache and the pain out, or is it in? All these years later and it still hurts just as much.

“Reed, you hearing me?”

“Yeah man, I’ll be out in a minute. Go get them warmed up and wet. Put on a porno or something. Yeah, put on some gay porn. I wanna see how the bloke with the muscles reacts. Let’s see how far we can push him tonight.”

“You’re an evil, twisted genius, Conner Reed. I f*cking love you. Don’t be long.”

Twisted, now ain’t that the truth. I’d moved on from my days of just liking to take charge in the bedroom. I’d joined the band just as they’d made it big. I hadn’t had to do the hard yards with the rest of them. Two months after Jet found me busking at Tottenham Court Road Tube Station and asked me to audition, we’d signed a recording deal. I’d gone from living on the streets and in homeless shelters, busking for a living, to staying at the best hotels around the world and having a lump sum of two hundred and fifty grand US paid into my newly opened bank account, with a weekly expense allowance of another three thousand added to that. I’d seriously died and gone to rock star heaven. That was peanuts compared to what I’m earning now. I pay more than that in tax a year.

What I discovered along with all of that is that women will do anything, and I do mean anything, just to be a small part of my world. But the biggest surprise came, when I found out it wasn’t just women, it was blokes too. And being the twisted little freak that I am, I pushed and pushed, just to see how far people would go to get what they wanted, and I soon discovered it was pretty much all the f*cking way.