Confessions of a Bad Boy(75)

“I was saving up to buy a house. I had the cash.”

“Nate!”

“But do you know why?” I say quickly, over her protestation. “I wanted a bigger place to take girls back to. Something impressive. Something that would boost my ego. Somewhere big enough to throw parties. And then I realized…I’m turning into my father.”

“No…you’ll never do that.”

I look at Jessie, shaking my head as we go through the gate and walk along the side of the house toward the back.

“Won’t I? A big house. Vacuous friendships. A ruined relationship. And a kid that I’ll never be a true father to.”

“Nate. Stop.”

I oblige, and stop walking to turn to her. We’re in the back yard now, in front of the big sprawling oak tree, the one with the treehouse. I look up at it, then back at her, smiling at the acknowledgment, but her face is pained and sad. I reach out and brush the tear suspended on her cheek, but she only seems to shake more at my touch. She blinks rapidly, and I take her in my arms, clutching her tightly, as if unable to do it softly, as if my body can’t afford to let her go again, even though my mind knows it’s already over.

“I love you Jessie,” I whisper into her ear. “I know it’s over. I know I’ve hurt you. I know pushing me away is probably the right thing. But I still love you. And I want you to know that I’ll always be there when you need me, either of you, no matter what happens.”

Jessie pulls herself back, just enough to look up at me. I look down at those eyes, at the face that’s become the background to my every thought, my every dream. A face that’s come to symbolize everything good and pure and right in my life. A face I’d given up on seeing this close ever again. A face I don’t deserve.

She parts her lips, and I hold on to the moment, every fiber of my being hoping that time will stop, here and now, so that I can live eternally in this final moment of pure happiness. Before she says whatever she’s going to say. Before she can tell me once again how I’ve disappointed and hurt her. Before she can explain to me so sweetly and yet so painfully why we can never be together. Before I have to walk away with the feeling that I did the right thing, but still lost somehow.

But she doesn’t. She doesn’t say anything at all. She just brings her lips to mine, and kisses me.

It’s a kiss that says more than words ever could. A kiss that seems to connect our souls as much as our bodies. At the soft, yearning push of her lips I feel all the baggage and regret crumble away from me like a cracked shell. It’s not just a kiss, it’s a gesture of love, a hint of the future. Years from now, wherever I am, and whatever I do until then, I know this’ll be the moment I remember as my best, as my most meaningful.

Our lips break apart, and I open my eyes to a world that seems like it’s in soft-focus. Small and intimate. A world that begins and ends at the lines of Jessie’s face. She smiles, and I feel like I could move mountains.

“Nate, I love you too. I want us to be together. Or, at least try.”

It takes me a moment to process her words, but what stands out most to me is the word ‘try.’ And I know I can do that – I’ve never wanted anything more. “We can make it work. I promise I won’t ever let you down again.”

Jessie laughs gently. “Don’t make that promise, Nate. Everybody makes mistakes.”

We turn and start walking back to the sidewalk, hand in hand.

“Well then, I promise I’ll try not to.”

Jessie looks at me, a lock of hair fallen against her face, the sunlight casting an ethereal tint in her eyes.

“That’s more like it.”

I glance over at her, unable to stop smiling.

“You know, I ended the whole video thing. It’s done.”

“I saw.”

“The ‘Bad Boy’ is officially dead.”

She swings herself in front of me and presses her body against me, a sly grin on her face and a mischievous look in her eye.

“Don’t say that,” she murmurs, fingering the gaps between the buttons on my shirt. “I wouldn’t mind spending some time with him myself.”

Grinning, I cup her chin and tilt her head back to kiss her again, and all of a sudden I feel like everything is going to be alright.





Epilogue





“Holy shit!”

“Nate…” Jessie hisses at me, before glancing apologetically at the woman in scrubs who’s guiding the ultrasound wand over her stomach.

“Sorry,” I say quickly, my eyes fixed on the screen as the fuzzy image starts to resolve. “I just…it’s amazing.”

“It’s okay, I’ve heard worse,” the technician says.

“There it is,” Jessie utters softly. “Our child.”

“I can’t believe it,” I murmur. “It’s…it’s alive.”

“Like Frankenstein’s monster?” Jessie teases, as she and the ultrasound tech exchange a quick snigger.

“And kicking,” the woman adds. “It’s a very healthy baby.”

“This is so f*cking surreal – sorry.”

I look down from the screen toward Jessie, and squeeze her hand.

“How do you feel?” I ask.