Changing Course (Wrecked and Ruined #1)(95)

“Yes, and I broke it today too. I can’t believe you had Caleb frame it for you. That was something special he only did for Manda, and you had the audacity to put a picture of her in one of Manda’s frames.”

“How the hell did you see the frame? Were you in my apartment?” I ask in shock. Suddenly all the details of the day snap into place. “Shit, that’s one of my guns isn’t it?”

“Oh, don’t sound so surprised. I really thought you would have changed the combination to your safe over the last four years. Before you go and get all ‘officer of the law’ on me, technically, I didn’t break in either. You gave me a key years ago.”

“So you decided to do what? To use my gun to hurt Jesse? Destroy me once again? What the hell is going through your mind right now?”

“She won’t make you happy!” she screams breaking down all over again.

“And you will? Listen to yourself. You don’t want me, you just can’t stand the idea that I don’t want you. This whole situation sucks because there is no one to blame. Not you. Not me. Just the crazy f*cked up universe. If I could just point a finger at someone, I think I could have handled this a little better. I’m pretty sure that’s the only way Caleb has been able to survive losing Manda. Blaming you.”

I hear her sobs from around the corner. I need to see her. I know it’s going to scare Jesse, but I need to look into Sarah’s eyes when I say these next words. She needs to know I mean them with every fiber of my being.

I turn to lock eyes with Jesse and whisper, “I’m sorry for this too.”

Just as her eyes go wide with fear, I step around the corner coming face to face with the barrel of Sarah’s gun.

Her hands are shaking and her eyes are wild. Despite the fact that she’s already shot at me once tonight, I know she won’t do it again. I don’t know why I know that with such certainty, but I do. I slowly reach forward and push the gun down.

“Sarah, I don’t blame you for the wreck. Not even a little bit. Even if you were drunk that night, I know you never would have chosen this life for any of us. You were…you are a good person. Give me the gun, sweetheart.”

“No.” She begins to frantically back away from me.

“What would Manda say if she was here? Jesus, she loved you so much. She would lose her shit at the idea of you hurting yourself. She was so tiny, barely even reaching your chest, but that never kept her from getting in your face.” I can see the memories flood into her mind, making her smile, before overwhelming her and knocking her to the ground.

She drops to her knees, and throws her hands to her face, desperate to scrub the memories from her mind. I take the moment of weakness to quickly reach forward and pull the weapon from her hand and pass it out the door to one of the officers waiting. Finally, with the threat gone, I begin to say all of the things I should have said in the beginning.

Here, on an unusually warm evening with the true love of my life listening around the corner, is where it ends.

“Sarah, look at me. You have to get some help. For me, for Manda, for Casey, for your sister, for everyone who loves you, but most of all, for yourself. Even Caleb needs to see you get better.”

“What would have happened to us?” she whispers still covering her face.

“I have no idea what could have been with us, but I finally know what will never be. You can be happy again. I never thought I would get there, but I have and I know you can too one day.” She lifts her head and stares into my eyes.

“What’s it feel like, Brett? To be happy again?” Her chin quivers at the question.

“It’s indescribable. I feel alive in a way I never have before. After all of the hell we have been through, we know how rock bottom feels. But when you find happiness again, those lows only make the highs even higher. You have to understand you’re not stuck, you’ve just stalled. You can still move forward, figure out who you are, and eventually find someone who will complete the picture.

“Is that what she does for you, complete the picture?” she snaps in angry tone.

Her sudden shift startles me. Her anger doesn’t seem real though, and I begin to realize she lashes out as way to protect herself from the answer.

“Yes, it is,” I say as calmly as possible, not wanting to put her back on the defense.

“I don’t even know how to be happy again.” I know this isn’t one of her games. I can feel the fear in her voice.

“Look at me, beautiful.” Her sad red eyes rise to meet mine. “There will never be another Sarah Kate Erickson Sharp, but that doesn’t mean you can’t choose to be someone better. You’re so angry all the time, and that’s enough to make anyone miserable. You just have to open yourself up enough to let happiness in.” She begins to laugh, but there is no humor in it.

“Yeah, happiness worked out so well for us,” she says sarcastically.

“You and I weren’t meant to be together. We were fated for failure from the very beginning. This was never the course I intended to take, but there is no doubt it led me to where I was supposed to be. I’m in love with Jesse. I’m sorry if that hurts, I really am. But you have to understand there is nothing I would change from the last six months. Not even the ability to go back in time. As much as you were my life, Jesse is my future.

“This is the end of any ‘us’ that you might think still exists. I loved you once. If you remember what it felt like to love me, I’m begging you to please get some help. Find your own happily ever after. Find someone who will love you not for the person you were, but for the person you are. Just give it a chance. I swear to you, life won’t always hurt this much. One day the sun will appear, and when it does, I promise you won’t want to miss it.”