Changing Course (Wrecked and Ruined #1)(68)

"Fuck." Maybe not the most romantic of words, but definitely the most appropriate for the way she looks.

"Look at you!” she squeals walking over to me.

"I told you the uniform was hot!" Kara says as I remain speechless, silently drooling over the woman who will be on my arm tonight.

"You sure you want to go to this thing? We could always just stay in, order some take out," I finally find my words.

"Oh come on, you promised me a night of dinner, drinks, and dancing. I might even drink some liquor, and you know what that means for you when we get home." She winks in my direction. See, totally new Jesse.

"Alright, you kids have fun." Kara pats me on the ass. I'm shocked, but Jesse just laughs. “Be safe JJ, and if you decide to go streaking later make sure you call me first,” she says, causing me to look down at Jesse questioningly.

"Shut up. Thanks again for the dress." Jesse hugs Kara as we head for the door.

"No problem. Really it's Brett who should be thanking me when he sees what you have under-" Jess slams her hand across Kara's mouth and whispers something into her ear.

"Okay, okay," Kara says, muffled by Jesse's hand.

"Let's go," she says calmly as if the last ten seconds never happened.

"Um, sure." I place my hand just above her ass and guide her out the door. "Later, Kara," I shout over my shoulder.

"Night, hot stuff. Don't forget you owe me. We can talk about payment later." She bursts into a howling fit of laughter as she closes the door.

"What was that all about?" I ask Jesse when we get outside.

"You'll see later." She tosses me a sexy grin.

"If you aren't giving away any of the fun details, then at least tell me why everyone calls you JJ? I've been meaning to ask you since Thanksgiving."

"My name is Jesse James Addison," she answers, causing me to stop walking. Surely she's joking. Who names their daughter Jesse James?

"No, it's not," I laugh, only to stop when she flashes me some "Oh yes it is" attitude. "Wait, you're serious?"

"Yep, my dad was a big fan of westerns. My mom thought I was going to be a boy, so when my dad threw a fit about wanting to name me Jesse James, she gave in. It wasn't an issue until I was born without a penis. Mom says she argued with him, but the other names he chose were so bad she eventually gave in.”

"Can I say something about it without you getting pissed?" The look on her face implies I obviously cannot, but that doesn't stop me from saying it anyway. "That name is f*cking hot! Don't ask me why, but it's definitely hot."

"It's a porn star or a stripper’s name." A flash of insecure Jesse peeks out.

"No babe, it’s your name. It fits you. If I've learned anything about you over the last few months, it's that you're a dichotomy. You have one side you allow people see. Then you have this ballsy alter ego that you only show when someone get close. I like this Jesse James woman." I pull her into me and roll my hips into hers.

I know her weakness; at some point Jesse became a sexual beast. While her soft moan ensures that I’m turned on too, a wave of something else passes over me. I feel a sense of contentment with her wrapped in my arms. So I open my mouth and say words I have no business saying.

"I love..." Thank God, I stop myself before I get to the most important word of all. But that doesn't stop my brain from firing one last absurdity. I'm going to marry this woman.

What. The. Fuck. I have no idea where that ridiculous notion came from. It's absurd at best. First of all, I can't marry her, I'm already married. Secondly, I will never allow myself to get into another relationship like I did with Sarah. I can't lose her again. Damn it, Jesse isn't Sarah! I scream to myself. I mean that in all the good ways, and the bad. Damn it. I hate my life. This inner dialog is killing me, so I try to focus back on the woman in my arms.

Jess doesn't react, so like an idiot, I breathe a sigh of relief. She must not have heard me. I should have learned by now though-God hates me. Big brown eyes look up at me, standing on the sidewalk outside her apartment, she asks a question. The one damn question that could change everything.

"What do you love, Brett?" You. Oh for f*ck sake, what is wrong with me? This is dating. Get your shit together * and answer the center of your world’s question. Jesus Christ. I'm getting all poetic now. I need to shut up and get in the car before my mouth starts spewing Shakespeare.

"I love that your name is Jesse James. I have every intention of chanting it later tonight." Sex. Yes, sex is a safe topic. Let's stick with that.

"Oh...um, yeah. I like the sound of that." She tries to pretend she isn't disappointed by my answer. I can see it in her eyes. I know she was hoping for more, but I have nothing more.

"Come on gorgeous, I owe you dinner, drinks, and dancing." She stays silent and disappointment paints her face.

Damn it, this was supposed to be a good night, but once again I've screwed everything up. I need to bring her back to me. So I leave out the questionable parts and tell her the truth.

Backing her into the side of my car, I tell her some things she doesn't know. It's not what she wants to hear but hopefully it’s enough to make the spark flicker back into her eyes.