Casanova(59)

“So that’s where you go,” she said on a quiet exhale.

“Yep. That’s where I go. My good deed. My little secret.” Because the big one, The Thing was fucking destructive.

Lani reached up and pulled her hair out of its tie. It fell down around her shoulders in one big wave. The kink from where she had it tied up looked strange, but she didn’t care as she ran her fingers through it. “I can’t say I ever would have imagined you there,” she quietly admitted. “I don’t know what I thought, actually. But not that.”

“Yeah.” I looked out as the sea crashed against the sand in sprays of pure white. “But we’re done now, so you get what you want. Ask me whatever you want to know.”

“Are you sure?” She looked over at me, tucking hair behind her ear. “Because...you don’t have to.”

“No, I made you promise. I’ll answer what you want about the shelter and me. Anything.” I met her gaze. “I swear, Lani. Ask me whatever. It’s yours to know, and then you can write your article and tell everybody that I’m actually the kind of person they don’t think I am.”

She looked at me long and hard for a moment, her long, dark lashes like thick curtains every time she blinked. “Why?” she asked. “Why do you go and do what you do?”

“Why do I do it today or how I started?”

Her eyes narrowed the tiniest bit. “Everything.”

I took a deep breath and looked back out at the sea. “When I was twenty-three, I hit probably my lowest point in what the people in this goddamn town would call my spiral into nothing. I had no limits. I drank every night, I really didn’t respect women at all, and on occasion, I smoked pot.”

Her inhale was sharp.

I couldn’t look at her. She was looking at me, but I couldn’t do it back.

“Drugs are big here. You might not think it, but they are. At least they were more then.” I rested my elbows on my knees and dove my fingers into my hair. Focusing on a small, cracked shell buried in the sand, I said, “I had friends then who were into it. I wasn’t big on it and it was never a real issue for me, but for them, it was. They needed it. One night, I was driving to a party in Miami and we got stopped just before we left town. There was two hundred dollars’ worth of pot in my trunk.”

Lani said nothing. She didn’t move either.

“My uncle gave me a warning. He let me off easy. He didn’t tell my parents either, and I don’t know why he didn’t. But he said if I did it again, he would. That was a bigger threat than going to jail.” I paused.

“You did it again, didn’t you?” she whispered.

“Not intentionally,” I said honestly. “One of the guys got bail, and we were headed into the center of town for a few beers. My uncle and the rest of Whiskey PD were in the habit of stopping me randomly to check I wasn’t carrying drugs. That happened to be a night I got stopped. The guy I was with had enough cocaine on him that he couldn’t claim personal use.”

“Did you go to jail?”

I shook my head. “They saw my innocence. For some reason, the officers that stopped us believed I wasn’t involved and it was just timing. But my uncle told my parents about both times. Mom cried, and Dad was so mad he ordered Uncle Sam to lock me up. He refused, but he said I had to do something good or he would. He told me to find some good I could do in the world within two weeks or he was arresting me.”

“Oh my god,” Lani whispered. She didn’t seem capable of talking loudly, and I didn’t blame her.

“I was looking for charities when I found Hope Building. Sali was trying to fundraise online. She needed new plumbing, and I thought a donation to cover that would be enough.”

“And it wasn’t?”

“It was, but then she invited me to see who I was helping. My parents pretty much forced me to go, but within thirty minutes of being there, I kinda fell in love with it.” I pulled my lips to the side and looked up. “They were so grateful for my money and that I cared enough to come down and see them. Of course, it wasn’t me, but I didn’t want to tell them that. So a couple weeks later, I took down some sports stuff. Soccer ball, football, baseball gear.”

Lani brushed her fingers against my arm. “And you didn’t have to?”

I shook my head. “As far as my family was concerned, I was home free. I’d done something good. But I wasn’t so sure.”

“How could you not be sure?”

“I got a rush,” I admitted. “Knowing I’d helped them when nobody else would? Sick rush of pleasure. I don’t understand it, but I just feel so fucking good when I’ve been there.”

“It’s not sick or weird,” she said quietly. “I feel the same right now and I haven’t even done anything. I just watched you do it.”

“Yeah... I don’t get it, Lani. Those women are afraid of every man but me. It doesn’t make sense.”

“No, it does.” She turned and placed her hand against my cheek. She forced my head around until I was looking her dead in the eye. “Total sense, Brett. You’re there for them when nobody else is. Those kids look up to you and they love you. They respect you. I saw it. How can they be afraid of you? You’re not scary or dangerous. You’re an asshole, but you’re a good one.”