Caged by Damnation (Caged #2)(80)

The envelope was inscribed with two words: My Child. If the letter were about the trauma of giving me up, I would have thought that the envelope would swell with regrets. Instead, it was thin, barely suggesting a message was inside. Did that mean that the contents within would hold a gentle rejection? I doubted Maye would have given it to me if she thought it would hurt me.

As I had been considering the ramifications of reading the letter, I found that old habits had kicked in. Controlled memories of natural pathways I would normally follow when stressed had taken over. Inevitably, those paths lead to Ash, which is why I ended up standing outside his room within the cottage.

I could hear Wolfe and Cooper mocking one another in the distance. Down the hall, light shined into the hallway from the room Isis had chosen as her own. I was tempted to change my mind, avoid Ash and deal with the letter on my own, but then I would be creating yet another barrier between us.

Would my life ever take a route that wasn't tracked by strife, pain, and demons? Likely, if I ever managed to find such peace, I would die of shock or boredom. This constant battle had become an integral part of me.

I am Savannah Cross, an ever-struggling teen with the fate of the world awaiting my condemnation or deliverance. I am the girl who awakens each morning without knowing if I was evil masquerading, or good, destined to be pursued for the rest of my days.

I wasn't sure I was worth the trust that so many had placed with me, or if I wanted it. I had been born straddling too many worlds; each with a hold that wouldn't let up. I worried that one day it would result in my limbs being torn in opposing directions, leaving me a husk, dried up from too much survival and not enough choices.

I needed to take back control to avoid becoming a puppet for someone else's will. My decisions had a weight to them that they hadn't before. Sure, I might mean the end of the world, but as Nicolai had pointed out, I may be its savior.

Steeling myself, I gazed at the walnut-colored doorway. The world on Ash's side seemed frozen compared to the strident one on my own. He wasn't humming the way I had grown used to, nor was he anxiously pacing in the way that reminded me that I wasn't alone.

The room seemed empty; devoid of Ash's natural behavior that had always comforted me. Then again, this wasn't his room. It was a temporary resting place that could give the illusion of home, but never spark the knowledge of unproven safety or quiet calmness deep within one's soul.

Bracing myself, I twisted the doorknob, stifling feelings of impending doom. "Ash?" I peered around the door to find him walking from the bathroom.

My breath caught at the sight of him. Though he wore jeans, it was obvious that he had just taken a shower. Droplets of water crystallized against his sun-kissed skin. Ash paused from drying his hair with a bath towel. Slicking the dripping locks away from his face, his eyes drew me inward. Beads of water slipped against the shadowed paths his muscles left, causing me to suck in a sharp breath at the sight.

Suddenly, Ash cleared his throat, knocking me from my stupor. "S, you okay?" He crossed the room to place his hands on my shoulders in what was meant to be a worried embrace, but only made the situation worse for me.

"Uh..." Why was I here? Oh yeah, to find the courage to read a letter from a mother I had never known. It was not to gawk at Ash's nude torso or to imagine what it would feel like, if I reached out to catch the beads of water pooling in some decidedly tempting areas.

I handed Ash the envelope, slightly crushed from anxiously kneading it with my palm. "Maye gave me this. It's the letter from my mother. I don't want to read it alone." I shrugged, waiting for a reaction. It was getting more difficult to force my gaze to fasten on anything besides him. Why did he have to stand so close?

Sighing, I spoke in a helpless tone that sounded as if my inner child were speaking. "I want to read it, but not alone. I don't know what to expect from it."

Ash raised his right eyebrow; a dark arc that distracted me from my uncertainties. He allowed an amused grin to break forth from the side of his mouth. That grin matched with that artfully raised eyebrow were so distinctly Ash, that I was immediately comforted.

Ash leaned in to me, his arm reaching past my waist and ascending higher without touching me. I thought he was going to trap me in a blazing kiss that would cripple me in ecstasy. Instead, he moved away, his hand holding a long black sleeved shirt. As he pulled it on, I turned to see the hook on the door behind me, realizing that he had merely been trying to get dressed.

Ash gave a short laugh, shaking his head, and I realized that the awkwardness that had descended upon us since Asmodeus... was completely gone. Somewhere between the battle and now, we had healed. I started to point it out, but realized that verbally acknowledging it might bring it back tenfold.

"Figures, battling an army of demons doesn't faze you, but opening a 16-year-old letter leaves you wanting me to hold your hand." He tossed it into the bed, using his eyes to ask if he should be the one to read it.

I hesitated. Did I really want to take the easy road and allow him to read it aloud? If it hurt me in the end, would I begin to associate those painful sentences with Ash? I shuddered at the though and resigned myself to reading the letter myself.

"I'm going to read it, but could you just sit with me? It would help."

Ash's eyes glistened and he motioned towards the yellow envelope, echoing implications of what could happen, should we sit on that bed; what it could lead to. I was about to protest when I realized that the mattress was the only seating available.