Caged by Damnation (Caged #2)(74)

"I wasn't trying to...." I dropped off, realizing that I had been lying to myself. "It's not right to play with someone else's mind like this."

"Then it's good that I wasn't playing." As he spoke, Nicolai's hair fell forward, like a hood shadowing his face. His eyes burned like volcanic rocks, seemingly capable of dividing the darkness and withstanding it. He looked menacing.

Torn, I closed my eyes and spoke lightly. "You don't have the right to make that choice. Besides, there are other ways to get me to put my guard down, but losing my trust is definitely not one of them."

Inhaling the frigid night air, I gazed at Nicolai, waiting for any response. His stance was that of a soldier, with his arms crossed and feet evenly spread apart. His body language told me that he stood by his decision. He didn't regret making a rash decision that would affect me, rather than him.

"What is it about men that makes them think they have the right to dictate to the world around them? I'm not a puppet whose strings you can pull or cut whenever you wish. This is my mind, not yours, and you have no place in it."

Nicolai moved closer until his eyes were level with mine. "I wasn't trying to screw with your mind. I was preventing your cowardice."

My hand snapped out and before I knew what was happening, I had smacked him clean across the face. He remained still, then slowly turned his head to face me with thunder in every line and curve of his face.

He thought I was a coward, but after a life of constant war, death, pain, and heartache, it was actually a form of self-preservation. I had witnessed so many horrible things that they would have corrupted me over time if it hadn't been for my mind’s haven.

"You don't know anything about me."

I left him standing in the woods alone. Right then I preferred the solace of the cottage to the voice of an ignorant, self-involved, know-it-all!





CHAPTER 17


WILLOW

When I woke up, my skin felt too tight. As the day wore on, the feeling worsened until I couldn't stand it any longer. I hadn't seen the Hellhounds since the night before. Somehow, I knew my body chemistry drawing me to the pack.

Maloc had given me instructions on navigating the tunnels beneath the cottage. They were brief, however, since he’d seemed anxious to get back to Maye. He had spent the morning telling her and Josephine stories about his life as a warrior.

Izzy startled me when she walked out of a room in the tunnels, which had a camouflaged look to it. "Mind if I borrow you for a minute?" Her voice was oddly detached, making me itch with the strangeness of it.

"Sure, what's up?"

Orbs of light stretched on either side of the highway-like tunnel, illuminating her twitching wings and the curls of her hair. She began pacing nervously, displaying significant effort to rid herself of what was on her mind.

"Would you still have made the same choice if it hadn't been for me? Knowing what you do now, would you do it again?" Izzy's pupils dilated, obliterating all traces of her irises.

"Yes to both. Iz, I would have become a Hellhound either way, but this way you get a second chance at life. I would make the same choice a million times over." I smiled, but her serious expression made me rethink the question.

"Even though I'm not human, and your life is no longer your own?"

What did Izzy want me to say, that I wished she had stayed dead? I was wary of the direction her questions were leading. She circled me, watching and waiting. She was like a carrion bird, scavenging for scraps of information, waiting until I was led astray to feast on my foolishness.

"Iz, you're still you and I'm fine. I feel right with the Hellhounds, like I was always supposed to follow this path. I don't know what you want me to say, but I can't regret my choices."

Her neck stiffened before twitching in sync with her ruffled feathers. She reminded me of a bird in a pet shop that hadn't been hand-fed and therefore would bite, drawing blood from the flesh of the unwary.

"You should have left the choice to me, discussed it beforehand. Now I am going to be alone for all eternity. I'm unnatural, a creature that shouldn't exist. I'm dangerous." Izzy backed away, her horrorstruck face carving into my well intended gift.

I reached out, but she evaded my touch. "Where is this coming from? Everyone can be dangerous, if they choose to be. You still have your willpower, and I didn't know that you would turn out like this. I thought you would be human again."

"You really don't get it." Izzy sighed as her hands clenched a small book in her left hand. "A human is like an ant; they can be dangerous, but they're limited. I'm not. Why didn't you ask Death about the consequences before tossing me into an eternity which will shred away my humanity? I will constantly fight my basic nature. I'm lethal, poisonous … I have more power than anyone should have!"

Izzy lifted the book, revealing its true identity as a journal. "Maye gave me this. It showed me things ... about what I am...." She trailed off, hugging herself, as if by chasing the cold away, her fears would evaporate, too.

"What did it show you?"

Izzy's gaze was heavy and glazed. It was as though an image had been painted over the reality we stood in and it was something only she could see. Her eyes looked directly through me, then she dropped them to the ground, avoiding my gaze.