Caged by Damnation (Caged #2)(73)

Some part of me believed that if I stayed away, it would mean he was okay, as if my presence alone was enough to send him soaring to his grave. Realistically, I knew it wasn't the case and I was being a crappy friend. I hoped that Calla had used her medicinal powder on his injury, because it had done wonders for mine.

Lack of success made me antsy, persuading me to give in and seek fresh air. Outside, the moon bathed away my pain, the scent of autumn cleansed away my worries, and the crackle of sticks beneath my feet was a familiar friend.

I knew I was breaking the rules, outside without a guard, walking into the forest, which was definitely outside of the boundaries. I didn't care. I knew that I was destined to save or destroy a world, which meant I would live long enough to see it through. What did it matter if I took a midnight stroll by myself? No one would know.

My feet started to grow weary of the rough terrain; slippers were not created for hiking. I stopped to rest against a large, mangled cedar tree. The cold ground seeped through the thin layer of my nightgown. Drawing my legs up, I tucked them beneath my robe, hugging my knees to my chest and closing my eyes. It was peaceful there.

"You could have done that at the safe-house." Startled by the voice, I jumped up, suddenly wide awake. "If you had, I could be resting in my bed right now instead of stalking you." Nicolai's voice was dry, absent of humor.

His hair was tousled and he looked like he had been thrown out of his own bed. He was wearing a pair of black pants, the comfortable kind that flowed with movement, but didn't do much to protect against the weather. He had on a white T-shirt, and only socks between him and the ground.

Noticing my gaze, he said, "I didn't exactly have time to get dressed. I sensed you moving farther away from safety and had to hurry."

"Sensed me? What do you mean? Can all of you do that?"

"No, the rest of them are ignorant of your reckless stroll through dangerous woods in the middle of the night. They're sound asleep, as I should be." He sat on the ground at the tree next to the one that I had sought shelter from.

"They can't, but you can. Why?"

"You have my blood in you. I'll always know where you are. Why do you think I chose to be your guardian? Blood is power and you have mine." His gaze darkened, as if anger had set in at the mention of his blood.

I didn't understand why he would be upset with me. He was the one who had chosen to give me his blood. I hadn't asked for it. For all intents and purposes, I had been dead when he’d given it to me, and therefore could not be held responsible for his actions.

"I gave you life. The least you could do is cherish it. It's not as if we go around distributing our blood to every helpless girl."

I began to walk away. With a swift motion he stood and leapt into my path. "Not so fast."

"What? Now you want me to stay out here on this reckless stroll?" I was getting angry, something that seemed to be happening more often as of late. My breathing quickened as I tried to get hold of it.

Nicolai stood to the side with his arm across my abdomen, holding onto my waist, barring me from continuing. His gaze softened. "Why did you come out here?"

"I don't know." Taking a deep breath, I lifted my eyes to his and admitted, "I couldn't sleep; dreams. The cottage made me feel overwhelmed and…." I trailed off, afraid to voice my next thought. "Wouldn't it be better for everyone if some demon did find me? If there is a chance, even a minor one, that I could destroy the world, I can't fulfill that destiny if I'm dead."

"So, because you might do something horrible, you're going to give up? What if that is the choice that destroys everything? Maybe we need you to stick around long enough to save our hides." His hand tightened on my waist, turning me to face him dead on. "You want to give up, stop fighting, and lay down to be slaughtered? That prophecy is about someone with too much strength to allow herself to be at the mercy of fate. Am I wrong?"

Something broke within me, settled on my cage, and tore it down. I felt the bars crack, crumbling down around me until only their tarnished remains were left. Without the tiny hideaway, I crashed into emotions I had buried.

My inner self pulled at her hair, jerked in too many directions. A herd: madness, anger, fear, betrayal, loss, and a thousand others, demanded a portion of me. Each internal limb was strapped to a different emotion and torn in all directions.

"You?" I looked at Nicolai, stepping back in shock. "Why are you doing this to me?" Somehow, I knew that he had destroyed my cage. His blood, his consciousness, some piece of him had found my haven and obliterated it.

Before I realized what I was doing, my fists flew at him, pummeling him in the stomach and chest. My hand reached out to claw at his face, slashing across his cheek to create a fresh scratch along his scar.

He didn't move, letting me beat at him until finally he grabbed my wrists and I collapsed against him. "Are you done now?" I sobbed and he moved his arms away, as if disgusted by my touch.

Why had he awoken me? I had been safe, warm, hidden; in there I couldn't be touched. How had he done that?

I looked up at him, betrayal as stark across my face as the moonlight was against his scars. "Why?"

"I'll always know where you are. You think it's okay to secret yourself away? Feel nothing and you'll be safe? You're crippling yourself. I only wish I had seen the truth sooner. You're a very convincing actress, I'll give you that. Meanwhile, you have friends, family, and those who have vowed to protect you with their lives here." Nicolai's voice was incredulous, dripping with disappointment. "They have given you their loyalty and you abandon them for numbness?"