By Fairy Means or Foul: A Starfig Investigations Novel(40)

I stuck my hand out and she slid one finger into my grip. We shook. I turned to Krofom. “Barkeep, a drink for my new friend here.”

The cyclops nodded and passed a teacup the size of my head to Judag.

“’Preciate it, Twig. A giant gets thirsty.” Her pinky shot into the air as she raised her cup to drink. The slurping ruined the effect. Drinking the cup until she’d drained every last drop, she set it carefully on the counter. Using the back of her hand, she then wiped her mouth. A large belch followed. “Good stuff.”

“Glad you enjoyed.”

“You really gonna challenge Burningwood?” she asked.

“Yep.”

“You ain’t struck me as the type to chase after glory.” She shrugged as if to say she could be wrong.

“Nah, not glory. She’s got something belonging to someone else, and I’ve been hired to get it back.”

Judag scratched her head. A large branch fell out and crashed down next to Quinn. Quinn ducked and cursed under his breath.

“Sorry ’bout that, little man. I ain’t used to spending time around you tiny folk.”

“I’m not tiny,” he groused, but without any heat behind it.

“He’s a moody one, ain’t he?” Judag tilted her head to better study Quinn.

“I’m right here,” Quinn crossed his arms over his chest. “You could try talking to me. I’m able to talk, and think, and”—he gasped—“state my own opinions.”

“Uh, sorry there, little man—”

“Quinn—”

“I just didn’t think you was allowed to speak without your master’s permission. That’s all.”

“It’s complicated,” I said. “Maybe if you pretend he’s a wizard?”

“Ah, okay. Is he?” The giant examined Quinn’s pink, sparkly collar.

Quinn shut his eyes and clapped his hands together like he was trying not to choke the life out of the giant. This was a side I only saw of Quinn in private. I suppose if I’d activated the anti-resistor clause like he said, he’d have to curb his tongue at least somewhat. I liked him like this, though. Puppets were never my thing.

“Ask him,” I finally said.

“You a witch?” the giant asked, lowering her face to better see Quinn.

“No,” Quinn bit off.

“Don’t believe it. You got the attitude of a witch.”

“Witches don’t have dicks.”

The giant’s beady little eyes widened and then she bellowed, a big belly laugh that almost blew Quinn off his stool.

“Witches don’t have dicks! You hear this tiny human?” She called to the other patrons. She laughed harder and we heard the others join in. Fat tears rolled down Judag’s cheeks. “I think I might like you even better than Twig.”

“I’m so relieved. My life is complete now.”

“Twig, is all human males like him? If so, I gotta start going to the Hominus Realm. He’s funny.”

“No, I’d say he’s one of a kind.” I smiled fondly at Quinn. He didn’t smile back.

“Have you heard much about Burningwood?” Quinn asked. “Anything that might help us?”

“You sure you set on going, teeny witch? She ain’t right.” Judag tapped her head. “She ain’t known for showing mercy, neither.”

“I’m not a witch—”

“We’re going,” I said.

“She have a manor house in the middle of the Quagmire. You prob’ly won’t make it there, ’cause of all the zombies. They guard that swamp like you ain’t never seen. Come up from the ground.” The giant shivered. “Don’t like ’em. Unnatural creatures.”

“Any way to stop them?”

“Don’t rightly know.” Judag scratched her ear. “Nah, that ain’t exactly true. Fire. Those things burn like dry wood. Only problem, that’s hard to do in a swamp. Always lots of mist. A dismal a place as you is likely to see.”

“So you’ve been?”

“Oh, yeah, once I been. Wanted to see it for myself.” She leaned in close until her rancid breath made me want to take a step back. I stood my ground because it would be rude and as I was on the bar stool, I’d be in for a hard landing if I moved away. “I’m not the smartest of the bunch here. Likes to see things for myself.” She winked.

“I haven’t been,” Krofom chimed in. “But I’ve seen it in visions.” He shuddered. “Many travelers pass through with the idea of besting Burningwood. But none ever come out alive.”

“There’s always a first time,” I said.

Quinn nodded his agreement.

The barkeep pressed his lips into a fine line, then moved down the bar and turned his back to us. He began polishing glasses.

“Don’t mind him none. Seeing the future are unnerving. Pain to always know something and not been able to change how it come out.”

“Did he see something then?” I asked. Not sure why, since if we were going to be zombie fodder, I’d rather not know in advance.

“Dunno. You’d has to ask him, I suppose. Wouldn’t want to know, if it were me.”

“I think you’re right.”