Broken Course (Wrecked and Ruined #3)(82)

"You’ve been out of the program for over a year now, Leo," Sarah snaps.

I can tell my explanation is doing nothing to help our current situation. "All right. I’m done here. There’s your story. Now, everyone out but Sarah," I say roughly.

"You haven’t told me shit!" Erica yells.

"No. But we can talk about it later. Right now, I need to talk to Sarah. Alone." I quickly click the button on the mouse to end the call. "Out," I tell Johnson, who slaps me on the back before exiting the room. Then I settle down in the chair and motion for her to join me. "Come here, ángel."

"No. Talk," she demands from across the room. "I heard what you said. I understand your situation, but I can’t for the f*cking life of me figure out how you thought it would be okay to never mention that you have a kid? We’re getting married, Leo. You don’t think you should have been a little more upfront about something this big?" She pauses. "Just so you know, I wouldn’t have cared. It wouldn’t even have fazed me, but you making yet another lie of omission is damn near killing me. God damn it, Leo! I can’t spend the rest of my life wondering what else you are keeping from me."

"I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to admit it to myself!" I explode out of the chair. "Sarah, if I told you I had a daughter I’ve never met, what would you have done? No, wait. I can tell you what you what you would have done. You would have given me some grand pep talk and forced me to go find her. You wouldn’t have stopped until she was calling me Daddy and I was walking her to school. That’s what you do. You try to fix me. But this is not something I was ready to face yet."

"You’re damn right I would have tried to fix this."

"And it would have ruined us!" I yell at her. "I would have fought you, and it wouldn’t have been pretty. Fuck, Sarah, I should have the right to deal with my own shit on my own time without you forcing it down my throat."

"Forcing it down your throat, huh? So let me get this straight. You don’t mention that you have a kid, and somehow I’m in the wrong for some assumed transgression that never even happened? Don’t worry, Leo. I won’t try to fix anything for you anymore." She reaches down, rips off her engagement ring, and throws it at me. It bounces off my chest then clinks against the floor, but I don’t take my eyes off her. "You can do it all on your own from now on."

"Sarah, stop. That’s not what I meant." I rush after her, grabbing her arm before she can make it to the front door.

"I don’t give a f*ck what you meant." She snatches her arm from my hand. "Your words and actions have said more than enough."

"What do you want me to say? I know I should have mentioned it to you, but saying it out loud feels a whole lot like accepting it."

"She’s a person, Leo. It’s a fact. It’s not some idea you have to accept."

"God damn it. You’re already doing it. Stop."

"That is not me trying to fix you. That’s me telling you the f*cking truth. Although now I understand why you might not recognize what that sounds like," she seethes.

"That’s not fair and you know it. Damn it, Sarah. I’m sorry. It’s just… I’m not the same person I was a few years ago. I know you wouldn’t have listened to that though. You would have pushed me to make contact. But what exactly am I supposed to say to her? ‘Hi, Liv. I’m your dad. I’ve allowed women to be raped, planned to kill myself, and spend a week every few months depressed and hiding in my bedroom. I hate myself most days and suffer from paralyzing PTSD when it comes to your Auntie Erica, who coincidentally is the same woman who I allowed to be assaulted. Come to Papa’?" I say sarcastically.

"Jesus Christ, Leo." She shakes her head.

"Too much?" I ask roughly. "You wanted the truth right? Well, there it is." I suck in a breath and try to calm down. She doesn’t deserve this. I push my hands in my hair as the entire day becomes just too much for me to take. "I love you. I’m just so overwhelmed right now. Yes, I hate that you try to fix everything for me, but I’m not sure I could do it without you."

"Maybe you should have thought about that before you decided to keep all of this from me." She heads for the door and my eyes go wide.

"Stop. Just wait. Please. Stop!" I shout as loud as my jagged voice will allow. "I can’t do this now. I can’t keep up. I have to figure out everything with Liv right now, and I can’t process all of this at once. I’m sorry. Just…please." I panic.

"I’m sorry, too." She snatches her purse off the table and walks out the door.

I silently stare at the door for a few minutes, completely lost on how to even begin processing the last hour. Sarah’s gone, Amy’s dead, and Liv is alone. Oh God.

I end up on my couch, though how I got here will forever remain a mystery. It’s still light outside, so I know it hasn’t been hours, but the Earth might as well have done a full rotation for the way I feel. I’m lost. My life barely even resembles what it was when I woke up this morning, but lying here won’t change anything. I need Sarah in order to breathe, but right now, I can’t be selfish enough to worry about the ache in my lungs. There’s a little girl who’s never even seen my face and needs me most of all right now.