Broken Course (Wrecked and Ruined #3)(64)

"No." He tosses me an insincere smile and reaches down to squeeze my thigh.

"Okay. Well, my car’s at your place, but when we get back, I’ll go home and give you some space." I intertwine our fingers and kiss his knuckle.

He squeezes my hand in response before pulling it to his own lips. "Thank you," he tells the windshield.



WHEN WE arrive at his apartment, I walk upstairs to get my keys but decide not to linger.

"I’ll see you in the morning. Okay?" I say, heading right back out the door.

"Yeah. Sounds good." He gives me a gentle kiss and pulls the front door open.

"I love you," I call over my shoulder, but the door closes without another word spoken.

As I walk into the parking garage, my mind whips around, trying to figure out what’s really going on with Leo. I might have agreed to let him have some space, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to know what the hell is going on inside his head. I play back as much as I can remember about the last forty-eight hours, but nothing stands out. Nothing except for our odd conversation about Casey and Eli—the very same conversation we never finished.

He’s never even met Eli, and he’s only seen Casey a few times in passing. I can’t imagine that he has just suddenly developed these strong feelings. Yet, out of the blue tonight, he got pissed off about them still being my friends. It’s not like I have issues with his relationship with Erica—

Shit.

Finally, it hits me.

I rush back into his apartment, using my key to let myself in. I find him sitting on the couch with his elbows to his knees and his hands fisting his hair.

"I never answered your question about Casey and Eli," I announce.

He lets out a groan when he realizes I’ve returned. "We can talk tomorrow," he replies, not even turning to look at me.

"No. It’s Thursday and I want to tell you now."

"Sarah, for f*ck’s sake. Please!" he shouts as his frustration gets the better of him.

Ignoring his outburst, I begin to talk. "For five years, I carried the weight of that night on my shoulders. The guilt ate away at me until, eventually, the hate and anger seeped out onto everyone I came in contact with. Brett caught most of it because he was always there. He just wouldn’t leave me alone."

"Boy, do I know that feeling," he comments while leaning back against the couch.

"No, you can’t compare me to the way he handled things. Brett tried to force me to talk with hopes of me returning to our happy little life together. You don’t need to say a single word. I just want you to hear me. Then I’ll leave."

He rolls his eyes but motions for me to continue.

"I was absolutely vile to Brett. In some ways, I enjoyed the fact that he suffered right alongside me. I hated seeing people happy back then. I guess you could say I was jealous. I had no idea how the hell to get there, and it enraged me to see people moving forward with their lives when I was frozen in the past. I was horrible, Leo. I physically assaulted Brett on numerous occasions. I would just f*cking lose it. I threw things at him and slapped him more often than not. Hell, I even punched him once."

"Shit," he mumbles.

"You remember his wife from the bar? The tiny woman with the kind smile? Yeah, I hit her once too."

His eyes pop in surprise, and I walk over and crawl into his lap, straddling his legs. He may want to get rid of me, but for the next part of this, I need his full attention. If I’m right about why he’s on edge tonight, he needs to hear this more than anything else.

"It was the only way I could express the feelings that were constantly multiplying inside me. But I had an outlet. It may have been the wrong way of expelling the anguish, but it was something. Now I want you to imagine how excruciating it would have been if I had kept all of that shit bottled up. That’s what Casey went through. She had to live alone with the secrets and the knowledge of what she did."

"She didn’t have to, Sarah," he bites out.

"No talking, remember? I won’t get into Casey’s story or the whys. You should know there are a few factors from that night that may not excuse their actions but will definitely shed a new light on the choices that were made. One day, I’ll let her tell you her side, but tonight, I’m telling you mine." I loop my arms around his neck. "If I could go back to that night I broke into Jesse’s apartment, I would. Actually, I would change something about almost every day of my life, but that’s not possible. Casey is no different. She took off and left town, unable to face any of us. And Eli took a slightly different approach. He tried to make things right."

Leo’s shoulders stiffen, confirming my suspicions from earlier.

"Eli decided to become Brett’s and Caleb’s best friend. Did you know he once bought twenty chairs from Caleb when he found out that woodworking took Caleb’s mind off life? He dumped a huge amount of his savings on chairs that he just ended up giving away because he had no where to keep them.

"And if Brett needed something, Eli was always there. For the first few months after the wreck, I ran off every sitter Brett could hire. He didn’t want to leave my side, but he had to get back to work. He started working nights so I’d be asleep while he was gone. He still worried though, especially after the first time I tried to kill myself." I pause as the emotions creep into my throat. "Eli volunteered to start sleeping on our couch. They didn’t think I noticed since I never really came out of my room. But about ten minutes after Brett walked out of the house that first night, I heard Eli break down. I didn’t understand it back then, but the sound of this otherwise strong man sobbing lulled me to sleep. I’ll never forget it as long as I live.