Bring Me Back(73)

“It’s the truth,” she sighs and stands. “Seriously, where is that man?” she mutters to herself as she leaves.

“So what’s new with you?” Ivy asks.

I rub my stomach. “This little lady is giving me hell.” I sigh. “I think she’s preparing me for the sleepless nights because she’s wide awake all night rolling around in there. Other than that, I’m moving.”

Her eyes widen in surprise. “You’re moving?”

I nod. “Yeah, it’s for the best. I mean, I’m not thrilled, but I know this is what I need to do.”

Ivy shakes her head. “I wish I was that spunky. I’d probably be better off if I moved. There are too many reminders of my husband at my house.”

“I know what you mean.” I sigh, lovingly stroking my stomach when my daughter gives a kick. “I still haven’t gotten rid of any of Ben’s things. His clothes are still in the closet, but I keep telling myself that when I move I have to get rid of them.”

“It’s hard,” she agrees. “Moving on … It takes guts.”

“Yeah, I agree.”

I fear that I’m not moving on. I’m scared I’m running away from my problems out of desperation. Who knows? I still feel so lost. Sometimes I’m worried I’ll never find my way.

“I’ll be right back,” she says. “I’m going to get something to eat.”

I nod as she leaves and my attention is drawn to Cole. He’s now running through a sprinkler, his laughter echoing through the yard. He’s happy, not a care in the world. He’s too young to truly understand that his mommy isn’t around. I don’t know how you explain to a child that their mom or dad is gone. How can you show them that the person loved them as much as you do when they’re not here? It’s one of my biggest fears with my daughter.

I quickly dismiss those thoughts from my mind. I came here to have fun and that’s what I’m going to do.

I finish eating as Ivy returns and we chat about the baby and my move. I talk about how I plan to decorate the nursery and already I can feel myself getting back into a better headspace.

Soon, music begins to play and people dance. Cole jumps around, doing his own interpretation of dancing, and it’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. He jumps and flails his arms, even wagging his tongue. Ryder scoops him up and the little boy cackles in happiness. I’m surprised when Ryder comes over to me.

“Dance with us?” He holds out his hand, urging me up.

“I don’t know,” I hedge, shaking my head.

“Come on,” he coaxes. “You don’t want to make us sad, right, Cole?”

The little boy nods and pouts his bottom lip. Ryder laughs at him and then does the same, curling his bottom lip under.

“Well—” my lips quirk “—I can’t refuse those faces, can I?” I stand and take Ryder’s hand.

The three of us make our way over to where everyone else is dancing. Ryder spins me around and I laugh.

I let my fear and worries fade away and I’m simply Blaire—spending the Fourth with the guy she likes, friends, and family.

Ryder pulls me against his chest, and of course, my belly gets in the way. He laughs and looks down, bouncing Cole in his other arm. “It’s like there’s a person between us.” He winks.

I laugh at his corniness. “Something like that.”

We sway to the music awkwardly—thanks to my stomach and Cole. I don’t mind, though, it feels right.

Ryder lowers his head and presses his forehead to mine. “I want to go on a date with you so bad.” There’s so much longing in his voice. “I know you’re not ready, but I’m putting that out there.” His lips brush my forehead before he pulls back.

I adjust my arms around his neck and purse my lips. “A date might not be so bad,” I whisper.

His eyes widen in surprise. “Really?”

I shrug. “I’d … I’d like to get to know you better. Just something casual—no fancy dinners, please. That’s not my thing.”

His lips crook up in a lopsided smile. “Next Saturday good for you?”

I nod. “Yeah.”

His smile widens further. “Thank you,” he says.

I laugh. “Don’t thank me yet. I still might run away,” I joke. “But I’m trying. I like you.” I swallow thickly and gaze up at him. I’ve gotten to know Ryder a lot over the last few months, and he’s honestly one of the nicest guys I’ve ever known. And I know my mom’s right when she says Ben would want me to move on—he’d want me to do whatever made me happy. But trusting my heart—especially one that’s been so broken is no easy feat.

Ryder brushes his nose against mine. “If you run, I’ll run too, this time. Not away, but I’ll be right there beside you. You’re not alone, Blaire. You have so many people that love and care about you.”

I hold on tighter to his shoulders. “I know.”

That’s what scares me most.





I’m going on a date with Ryder.

I believe if I keep repeating the words to myself I’ll somehow become desensitized to them. So far, my theory isn’t working. Ryder is the first man, besides Ben, that I’ve gone on a date with in years. Seven, almost eight, if I remember correctly. That’s insane to me. I’ve been out of the game for nearly a decade.