Bring Me Back(45)

Instead, I do something completely out of character and call Ryder.

As the phone’s ringing, I realize that it’s probably way too early to call on a weekend. It’s barely seven in the morning. Before I can hang up, though, he answers.

“Hello?”

I pause. “Um, hi … It’s Blaire.”

“Hey, Blaire,” his tone of voice brightens, “are you okay?” Before I can respond, he says, “Dumb question, you wouldn’t be calling me if you were okay. What’s up?”

I hop up on my bathroom counter and let my feet dangle. “Today’s a bad day,” I say simply.

“Ah, I see.”

“I was wondering if maybe we could meet for coffee or breakfast or something,” I ramble.

He hisses between his teeth. “I can’t, sorry. I have Cole today.”

I wince. “Oh, right. I forgot.”

“You could come by my house, if you don’t mind?” he asks. “I’d suggest meeting at a park so Cole can burn off some energy but it’s too cold.”

“Um …” I pause, nervously wringing the fabric of my pajama shirt in my hands. It feels awkward and like I’m crossing boundaries to go to his house, but then again, that’s silly. We’re two adults having a conversation, that’s it. “I can do that,” I finally say after a lengthy pause. “Can you text me your address?”

“Yeah,” he says. “And, Blaire?”

“Yes?”

“Bring coffee.”

I smile. “I can do that.”

“Good. See you soon.”

I hang up with Ryder and I already feel lighter. I change into a pair of jeans, a long-sleeved t-shirt, and a sweatshirt. I don’t feel like dressing nice, and I think Ryder will understand.

I slip my feet into a pair of flats and grab my purse, stuffing my phone inside.

Downstairs, my mom’s already awake, sitting on the couch reading a book.

She closes it immediately when she sees me and launches into a million questions, not even giving me a chance to answer. “How are you feeling? Did you sleep well? Are you hungry? Do you want juice? Tea? Is there anything I can do? Blaire?”

“I’m fine,” I tell her. “I’m … meeting a friend for breakfast.”

Her brows furrow. “I thought you were seeing the girls for lunch.”

I sigh. “I’m meeting someone from Group, okay, Mom?”

Her eyes widen in surprise, and her mouth parts slightly. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” I hedge toward the door. “So, I’ll see you later.”

“Okay,” she says. “Is there anything you want in particular for dinner?”

My mom, always concerned about what I’m going to eat. I think, for her, she feels like it’s one of the only things she can control in the chaos that is my life now.

“No,” I say, picking up my keys from the side table. “Whatever you want is fine with me.”

I can feel her frustration from across the room, but she only says, “Okay,” and goes back to reading her book.

I dash out the door before she can decide to ask me anything else.

Ryder has already texted me his address, so I put it into my navigation system and listen to the monotone British lady try to guide me to his house—she keeps telling me to turn around since I’m going to the coffee shop first. I’ve always wondered why the voices on navigation systems are British when we live in America. Is it some kind of conspiracy or something? Is it someone’s way of trying to tell us the British are coming? I frown when a memory prickles at my mind.

“Ben, I’m telling you, someone’s trying to warn us. A modern day Paul Revere. But instead of just saying, ‘The British are coming,’ they’ve used a British person for our navigation systems. Someone’s trying to communicate something to us. I know it.” He laughed at me. “Don’t laugh.” I glared at him.

He only laughed harder. “What?” he asked innocently. “Telling me not to laugh is only going to make me laugh harder. I think it’s pretty adorable that you’ve given this so much thought."

I crossed my arms over my chest and looked out the window. “It’ll be really adorable when I shove my foot up your ass,” I mumbled under my breath.

“What’s that?” he asked, grinning from ear to ear. I knew he heard me, so I didn’t repeat myself. “I know you’re trying to be menacing right now, but you look too cute for me to be afraid of.”

I frowned. With my puffy coat and pom-pom beanie, he was probably right. There was nothing frightening about me. “I’m not cute,” I said anyway.

“Beautiful?” he supplied. “Magnificent. Breathtaking. I can keep going.” I cracked a smile. “Ah, there it is.”

“What?”

“Your smile. Anytime you lose it, it’s my job to find it.”

The memory fades, and I fight against the tears that want to fall.

I miss him. So much I ache inside. There’s this vast emptiness that now lives inside my chest without Ben. He was my sun—and what am I supposed to do now that my world has fallen into complete darkness? Ben once called me his flower, but a flower cannot live without sun.

My hands tighten around the steering wheel as I turn into the lot of the coffee shop I saw Ryder at earlier in the week. It doesn’t have a drive-thru, so I park and head inside. I order him their regular coffee, since he didn’t specify, and also get him the sandwich he was eating the other day. Since I’m already here, I get myself a hot tea and a muffin. I ponder the menu a little longer and end up getting another muffin for his son. It doesn’t seem right to come in with food and not bring anything for his kid.