Bring Me Back(40)

Loraine chokes on a sob. “Ben’s … Ben’s baby?”

“Of course,” I snap in anger. “Who else’s would it be?”

“I’m sorry.” She rubs her eyes. “I’m just surprised. That’s all.”

“Me too,” I whisper, the anger leaving me. “The first test was negative, but when I took another a while later it was positive. I guess I took it too soon,” I muse. “The doctor confirmed it this morning. Here—” I hand her the envelope, which I forgot I was holding “—that’s our baby.”

She opens the envelope flap slowly and pulls out the photos even slower. There’s only three of them and they’re hooked together.

“Oh wow,” she murmurs, lifting a hand to her mouth. Jacob sits beside her staring at the photos with an open mouth. Jacob, speechless—that’s a first. “What a miracle,” she breathes. “A complete and utter miracle. Come here, hun. I need to hug you.” She stands and crosses the small space to me.

I stand too, and she wraps her arms tightly around me. I sob into her shoulder. My emotions are all over the place today.

“He should be here,” I cry against her. “We should be telling you together.”

“I know.” She runs her fingers through my hair, trying to soothe me. “I miss him too.” She pulls away and takes my face between her hands. “You’re a brave, strong, woman, Blaire. Don’t ever forget that. Even when the bad days seem endless, remember that. Promise me?”

“I promise.”

“And remember, you have me. You have Jacob. Just because Ben’s gone it doesn’t mean we are too.”

I nod and hug her again. I then go to hug Jacob.

“Congratulations,” he whispers in my ear and hugs me tight.

“Thank you.” I step back and wipe at my eyes. I let out a little laugh and point at my face. “All I do is cry.”

“Me too.” Loraine points at her own tear-stained cheeks. “Do you want to stay for lunch?” she asks.

I bite my lip, torn. I know my mom’s probably waiting for me to get home and worrying herself endlessly, but I haven’t seen Loraine since the funeral. Finally, I nod. “Yeah, I’ll stay.”

“Great.” She claps her hands together. “I don’t feel like cooking. Jacob, why don’t you go pick up Chinese and bring it back here?”

Jacob chuckles under his breath and bumps my shoulder with his. “The irony,” he mutters.

“I heard that.” Loraine swats him playfully.

“I’ll call it in and be back,” he says, pulling his car keys and phone from his pocket. “Don’t burn the house down while I’m gone.”

Loraine rolls her eyes, but he doesn’t see. To me she says, “He’s a worry-wart.”

“I heard that,” he yells before the front door closes behind him.

While he’s gone, Loraine and I chat about all the random things we can think of. Neither of us really wants to talk about Ben; it’s too painful.

Jacob returns with enough food to feed ten people.

I’d worried about being here, but in the end, I enjoy myself, and I promise to come back soon. I can’t shut Ben’s family out just because it hurts. They’re in as much pain as I am.





I stand in line waiting to order a cup of hot tea. I’m meeting a potential client in an hour for breakfast, but I needed out of the house and away from my mom. Now that I’m pregnant, she’s become even more of a clinger than normal. “B, are you hungry? Blaire, you should really eat something. Here, let me clean that.” I’m trying to work on not snapping at her, so I decided to leave this morning.

I finally reach the register and place my order for a hot tea and muffin. I pull out my wallet and search for my debit card.

“Here, I got it,” a voice calls before I can hand over my card. I look up and see Ryder walking over with a ten-dollar bill extended to the cashier. I’m too shocked to stop him. “Blaire, right?” he says with a crooked smile.

“Um, yeah.” I nod. “Thanks,” I say, when the cashier hands over the receipt and change.

“No problem.” He shoves the coins in his pocket. “I thought that was you, and I thought I’d do something nice.” He flashes another smile. He’s dressed for work in a pair of gray dress pants and a white, button-down shirt.

“Well, thank you,” I say again. “It’s … uh … nice to see you.” The words come out stiff and awkward.

He chuckles and grabs my tea and muffin bag. “I’m sitting over here, if you’d like to join me?” he asks, tilting his head toward a table where a cup of coffee and a breakfast sandwich waits. He holds my items out to me, though, giving me the option to take them and leave.

A big part of me wants to do just that—leave—but it feels rude. So instead, I nod and tuck a piece of hair behind my ear. “Um, yeah, sure,” I say. “I’ll join you.”

“Great.” He smiles widely and carries my things over to the table. He sets them down across from his stuff and pulls out a chair for me.

“Thanks,” I say with a grateful smile. Thanks and thank you seem to be all I can say to him.

Ryder sits down across from me and his knee bumps mine. “Sorry,” he says immediately and scoots back a bit. He picks up his coffee and takes a sip. “How are you?” he asks and then cringes. “Stupid question, don’t answer that. It was my least favorite question when I lost my wife.” He takes a bite of his sandwich, not missing a beat.