Bound by Vengeance (Born in Blood Mafia Chronicles #5)(38)

“I thought you’d be happy,” Growl said as he led me to the front door.

I’d thought I’d be happy, but I felt guilty and miserable and scared. I forced a smile, worried Growl might decide it was better not to let me visit my mother, if it made me sad. That was the last thing I wanted even if setting foot into my old home made my stomach turn. “I am happy, just nervous.”

Growl looked doubtful but he rang the bell anyway. It took a long time until finally one of our old bodyguards, Daryl, opened the door. So he was guarding my mother? Had he always been Falcone’s spy? Probably. There was no loyalty in this world. Even my father had betrayed his boss for whatever reasons. Not that I didn’t understand him.

He stepped back, an expression of caution on his face as he watched Growl. I felt a sick satisfaction at his discomfort. I wasn’t scared of Growl anymore.

Daryl gave me a nod but I ignored him and quickly walked past him into the lobby. It was quiet in the house. Such a vast difference to the last time I’d been here.

“Cara?” came Mother’s meek voice from the living room. I rushed off toward my mother and found her sitting at the dining room table, which was set for lunch. I hesitated in the middle of the room. My mother had lost weight. Her cheeks were sunken in, her cheekbones protruding. She wore no make-up. She always had. And her dress was crinkled as if she couldn’t be bothered ironing it. Mother would have never worn a dress that hadn’t been ironed. She’d changed. I had changed. It was ridiculous to think that my mother or sister wouldn’t. God, Talia. How was she doing?

My mother rose from the chair and opened her arms. I didn’t hesitate. I flew into my mother’s arms. It felt good to embrace her, to smell her comforting scent. Mother buried her face in my hair and took a deep breath. I closed my eyes, allowing myself a few moments of peace.

“I need to leave now.”

Growl’s voice sliced through the quiet. My mother and I stepped apart. Mother glared at Growl with disgust and fear.

I nodded. “Ok.”

“I will pick you up in two to three hours.” There was a hint of warning in his voice. I didn’t say anything. I wanted him gone, worried that Mother might notice something strange between us. I almost sighed in relief when he’d left.

Daryl was still in the room though.

“Can you give my daughter and me some privacy?” Mother asked politely. She looked controlled now.

Daryl looked torn. “I’m outside the door. Remember there are cameras.”

Mother tilted her head, looking dignified, but the moment he closed the door, she grabbed the edge of the table and sank down on the chair. I pulled a chair up to Mother and grabbed her hand.

My mother searched my face, then checked my arms as if she was looking for bruises. “I’d thought I wouldn’t see you again. I was sure that monster would kill you.”

“Growl?” I said. “He didn’t hurt me.”

Mother shook her head. “Don’t lie to me. I know this world. I know the rules. I know more than I’ve let on in the past because I wanted to protect you and your sister.” She let out a sad laugh. “I failed.”

“You didn’t fail. What could you have done? They were armed. We had no chance against them.”

Mother touched my cheek, looking hopeless. “I wish I was stronger. I know I should ask what has happened to you but I’m not sure I can bear the truth. You are so much stronger than I am, Cara. That you are here, looking healthy and unbroken, I can’t fathom how that is even possible.”

I smiled shakily. “I’m really fine, Mother. Please don’t worry about me.”

Mother closed her eyes and shook her head. “I don’t know how you can even talk to me after what I did.”

“What did you do?”

“I’m working for Falcone, helping him. After he gave you to that monster, I shouldn’t help him, no matter what he threatens me with. If your father knew, he’d be disappointed. He wouldn’t even look at me now.”

“Father is the reason why this happened. He is the reason why we went through hell. It was his punishment that we had to bear. If he were alive, he wouldn’t have any right to judge you. He would have to apologize to us for being so selfish, and not thinking about the consequences!” It burst out of me. So far I hadn’t allowed myself to be angry, but now I realized I was. I was furious because Father should have known better. It was his job to protect us and he’d failed.

Mother watched me with widened eyes, uncomprehending. “Don’t talk about your father like that. He was the best husband I could have imagined and an even better father. He deserves nothing but our respect.”

That was a lie. Father hadn’t been the worst Father but he had been a far cry from a good father. He’d been too busy with his work, and often too impatient to spend time with his two chatty daughters. I’d loved him, and I missed him. I wished he were still alive and I’d forgiven him for what he’d done because he surely couldn’t have fathomed to what it would lead.

“I don’t want to fight,” I said quietly, squeezing Mother’s hand. “I know you’re grieving but eventually you’ll realize that Father did this to us.”

Mother stared. She didn’t protest again, but I could tell that she wasn’t ready to admit Father’s faults yet. His death was still too raw.