Boarlander Beast Boar (Boarlander Bears #4)(33)

No answer.

“Mason, tell me if it’s not the same for you. Please.”

“Did you mark Robbie?” he asked in a strangled voice.

She drew back in shock at his question. “No. I wanted to when Ryder was born, but I couldn’t. My animal wouldn’t let me claim a man who wasn’t my mate and, thank God, because I suffered enough rejection from that man. Breaking a bond would’ve killed me.”

“Yeah,” Mason rasped out. He cast her a quick glance, then dragged his eyes back to the road. “Esmerelda was my mate, and we were bound. It took me ten years to move on from the pain of her loss. Hell, I’m still hurting. I just want to make sure I never have to break a bond with you, too. I’m just asking for time.”

Loaded moments dragged on between them as she stared at his profile. He really wasn’t hers. Not like she’d thought. “You can take all the time you need.”

Before he could respond, she turned up the radio and gave her attention to the piney woods that blurred past her window. Any more rejection, and she would cry. And right now, she didn’t feel like sharing grief with any man, especially not one who had chipped away at her icy heart and made her vulnerable again. How dare he? She’d gotten so strong, so hardened, and he’d come along and ripped her defenses down. Now she was bleeding and raw again.

He’d given her hope for a different life. One where she wasn’t limping from day to day, alone in raising her child, sequestered away from other shifters, watching her rights and the rights of her son stripped away one by one. For a blinding, beautiful second, she’d imagined raising Ryder here with other shifter kids and families who supported what she was trying to do instead of a stupid ex who shamed her for the owl that lived inside of her. She’d dreamed of a life with Mason, trailer park and all, because he made her feel alive for the first time in so long. She had begun to think she deserved better than all the shit Robbie had put on her.

A tear streaked from the corner of her eye, but quick as a whip, she dashed it away. Clasping her hands in her lap, she blew out a long, steadying breath and collected herself. She had to mentally prepare to deal with Robbie, and right now, she had no room for her insecurities with Mason.

She would get through this, just like she did everything else. Alone.

Why? Because she was a fighter. And if Mason couldn’t see past his first mate to Beck’s value, then okay.

The problem with ghosts was it was easy to remember the good. It was easy to forget the bad when a broken heart wanted to cling to the happy, devoted memories.

The problem with ghosts was they weren’t around to remind the living of their imperfections.

If Mason wasn’t capable of letting Esmerelda go, Beck would just have to find her happiness elsewhere.





Chapter Sixteen


“I feel like you’re pulling away from me,” Mason said as he skidded to a stop in the parking lot of Sammy’s Bar.

Beck’s silence had slowly crippled him on the drive here. He’d hurt her again. He couldn’t seem to stop hurting her, an unfortunate byproduct of both of their baggage.

Beck had withered in the seat next to him, and now she sat there, avoiding his gaze, arms crossed over her chest like armor. Against him? Fuck.

He was trying to do this right. Claiming her when he was still spiraling over the death of another mate wasn’t fair to Beck. She deserved all of his heart, all of his attention.

Beck deserved all of him.

He could only imagine how she felt right now. Rejected, likely, but if she could only see how devoted to her he was already, maybe she would give him some slack. But Beck had been cheated on, time and time again, and she was at a point in her life where she wanted to be the top priority for a man. Good on her. She’d just picked Mason at the wrong time.

Wrong time? Her expression when he’d told her Essie had died ten years ago flashed across his mind. She’d been shocked that his first mate was still such a big part of his life after so long, he could tell. And maybe she was right.

Mason swallowed hard and slid his hand over her tense thigh. “Ten years is a long time to mourn. I know that, but it passed so quickly. It was like I sleepwalked through my life here in Damon’s mountains. I worked, ate, thought about how I’d screwed up her life, slept, and did it all again, day after day. And somewhere along the line, I forgot how to smile and breathe and feel, and then you came along and reminded me that I’m not dead yet.”

He tucked her red-gold hair behind her ear to see her face, but her eyes were closed and her bottom lip trembling, and God, he was breaking inside for what he was doing to her.

“I don’t want to be a reminder to live, Mason,” she whispered. “I want to be the one you choose. People come into your life for different reasons. Some are there to push you to become better or to teach you a lesson. But a few come in because they can give you honest-to-goodness, undiluted happiness, and they’re supposed to stay there.” She lifted tear-rimmed seafoam green eyes to his, and her voice trembled with honesty when she admitted, “I was hoping to be the one who stayed.”

“Babe,” he murmured, pulling her over onto his lap. She allowed it, so he cupped her cheeks and searched her eyes. “You are. Just because I didn’t give you a claiming mark the same day you gave me one doesn’t mean it isn’t on my mind. It doesn’t mean this thing between us is less-than. But I’m seeing Esmerelda. I’m hearing her, too. I’m haunted right now, and I don’t want to do this and you look back on this time and think you were a reaction. You’re no one’s reaction, Beck. You deserve your own time without Esmerelda’s ghost f*ckin’ with my head. Now, I haven’t seen or heard from her since you put this mark on me, and Beck, that mark means the world to me. I’m in this, even if I’m waiting a minute to mark you back. But I want to make sure she’s gone for good, okay?”