Blood of Wonderland (Queen of Hearts Saga #2)(57)

Wardley shook his head. “If we are captured, our fate will be much more terrible than dying quickly on the battlefield. They will throw us into the Black Towers to rot, until we become one with the tree or worse. The King of Hearts is a hateful man.” He looked over at Dinah, his brown eyes gazing with adoration and sadness on her drawn face. “I swear to you this day, here in this place, that I will kill you before I let the king torture you. And I hope you will do the same for me.”

Dinah smiled back at him, knowing that she would never be able to take Wardley’s life. No, not even to save him. Love had made her impassively hard and needlessly soft at the same time.

“I keep thinking,” he muttered, “that this might be the last time I do anything. The last time I eat bread. The last time I dip my foot in a pool. The last time that I get to speak with you as a friend, and not as a commander to his queen. Are we ready for that? Am I still to be your king?”

There was an edge in his voice, a need to share with her. Dinah realized with a ragged breath that their relationship was about to change. Her heart started to gallop within her chest, racing so fast she felt it might explode. Despite all the oxygen running through her veins, she was frozen in place. Wardley seemed oblivious to her discomfort. He leaned back onto the mossy ground, stretching his arms above his head, his words shaping her world.

“Tonight could be the last night that I watch the stars simply to remember my place in this world. Everything that we have can be taken away. It will be taken away for many men that rest in those tents, maybe from you, maybe from me. There is no time to waste.”

Dinah felt a fury climbing up through her chest, only this time it was different. This was a longing, a need, something that felt like falling, like a string was yanking her heart out of her chest. Toward him, only him, always him. She was no longer in control—all she could feel was the desire to touch him. The passion crawled up through her until she became its puppet. It moved her limbs, her mind, her lips. She wanted him. She had waited long enough, and had almost lost him once.

“If this is the last time we will be together, then there is something . . . Dinah, what are you doing?”

He was still speaking when Dinah leaned over him, her arms on either side of his body.

Tenderly, she bent over him, her lips brushing his, as gentle and soft as dew drops on a petal. His were warm and moist, and tipped with everything good Dinah had ever tasted. Her red lips dusted across his, feeling his mouth staying painfully still. He lay motionless, frozen. What am I doing? Dinah yanked her head back and looked down at him with confusion and hesitation.

Wardley remained perfectly still for a moment, and then he grabbed the back of her head roughly and pressed his lips hard against hers. Dinah gasped at the force with which he kissed her. It was a hungry kiss with more than a hint of anger beneath it. With a grunt, he flipped Dinah onto her back and leveled his body over hers before he started kissing her again, ever harder, until Dinah felt her lips going numb. She lost herself in him, tasting the sweet hint of mint leaves on his tongue, feeling the muscles rippled across his shoulders as he pressed down against her. A whimper escaped his lips, falling into her own, hungrily sucked down into her core. The kisses were delicious and full of pleasure, and yet, something wasn’t right. His weight was too heavy, his motions too hard. Wardley’s hands were pressed against her shoulders as if he was holding himself back. His pose was defensive, his body tensed in anger. As he kissed her furiously, Dinah felt a wet tear drip down his face onto her cheek. She pushed his face back. It took her a minute to catch her breath. This was not how she dreamed their first true kiss would be—aggressive and accompanied by tears.

“Wardley, what is wrong? What are you doing?” Her eyes traveled over the face she knew so well, and she could feel her heart wrench painfully when she recognized his grim determination. He was forcing himself to kiss her. Dinah felt the creepings of a familiar dark emotion as she looked up at the man she loved so much: rejection.

“I’m sorry, Dinah.” He turned away from her, his voice shaking. “I can’t do this.”

Dinah’s hands clenched. “What do you mean, you can’t do this?”

Wardley sat back and extended his hand to help her up. Dinah slapped it away. “Please don’t touch me.” She sat up, her limbs trembling with unfulfilled passion.

This couldn’t be happening. No.

“Dinah!” Wardley grabbed her roughly, his hands on the sides of her neck, his forehead pushed up against hers. His voice was filled with desperation. “Don’t you understand? I want to love you this way. I’ve never wanted anything as much as I want to love you in this way, the way you love me. I’ve begged and pleaded with the gods to give me those feelings for you! I want to be your king, your husband, your lover. But I cannot . . .” He struggled with the words. “I can’t force myself to feel those things for you, no matter how much I wish it.”

“You don’t mean it. I can’t . . .” Her voice trembled.

Wardley jerked backward, and the look of devastation in his eyes shattered her hopeful, delicate heart.

Dinah finished. “I can’t lose you too.”

Wardley cringed.

“You are my best friend, a part of me! I will fight for your right to rule to my death! Does that mean anything?” His face was contorted in agony as he looked into her black eyes. “Dinah, please say something. I can’t bear the silence.”