Blink(25)

Yes! Behind it all, I am still here. My eyes gleamed. They did!

‘It’s probably just the pupils contracting with the serum,’ Dr Chance says, staring down at me without expression. ‘Or a trick of the light.’

Look again! I shout. Please, look again.

‘You’re probably right.’ She tilts her head, studying me. Still reluctant to look away. ‘For a second it just felt there was some sort of presence there, behind her eyes, you know?’

‘We all want to believe that,’ Dr Chance says, stepping away. ‘It’s hard to accept the loss of life, when the patient looks so normal.’

‘You’re right,’ she says, finally looking away from me. ‘But in some ways, I suppose anything is better than this.’ Her eyes flick back to me and she squeezes them shut briefly, before opening them again. ‘It sounds harsh, but death has got to be better than barely existing.’





22





Three Years Earlier





Toni





I stepped out of Gregory’s Property Services and into the street. I felt a little better after inhaling a few deep breaths of fresh air. Being cooped up in that tiny office, under pressure, had been testing to say the least.

I slipped off my jacket, folded it over my arm and began walking briskly down the street towards my car. Soon, my heart rate would calm down and my face would stop burning.

I had plenty of time left on my parking ticket. But it was nearly three forty-five and Evie would already be home from school.

I was so excited to hear about how her first day had gone.

I fired off a quick text to say I was on my way and how was Evie, but Mum didn’t reply. I felt a stab of annoyance. Of all days, you’d think she would let me know how Evie had coped on her first day at big school.

There was more traffic on the journey home than I’d expected but I didn’t mind because it gave me a little thinking time. I wound the windows down slightly, enjoying the warm breeze but wishing the car had air con.

Maybe, just maybe, this job could get me a newer car and a weekend break away for Evie and I. Those things might not be as unreachable as they felt right now.

There had been a point during the interview when Bryony seemed to be so openly hostile that I questioned if I really wanted to work there.

But why should I let someone so obviously bitter put a dampener on my plans for a better life? I really liked Dale and although I hadn’t had a chance to speak to the other female agent at the desk, Gregory’s seemed a nice enough place to work.

I managed to find a parking space outside the house and as I got out of the car, I expected to see Evie banging excitedly on the living room window, desperate to tell me about her day.

We’d already developed a habit of using the back kitchen door, rather than the front door which led directly into the living room, so I walked around the side of the house.

I noticed that the yard was overgrown with more weeds than actual grass and it looked like the entire population of the estate’s cats were used to treating the borders as the local litter tray.

Mum was adamant we should always keep the doors locked ‘in an area like this’ so I wasn’t surprised when I tried the handle and the door didn’t open.

Rather than start ferreting in my bag for the bunch of keys I’d just thrown in there, I tapped on the opaque, patterned glass and waited. Nobody came to the door.

I eventually found my keys and unlocked it.

‘Hello?’ I called as I stepped inside the house.

Something about the silence and the stillness of the air within told me nobody was home, which was surprising. I glanced at the kitchen clock. It was nearly four fifteen, a full hour after Evie had finished, and I knew from this morning that walking at a leisurely pace to school took only fifteen minutes.

I pulled my phone out of my handbag and checked for messages. Nothing.

I dialled Mum’s number and it went straight through to answerphone.

My heart rate started to pick up pace again.

‘It’s fine,’ I murmured out loud. ‘Everything is fine.’

I dialled St Saviour’s and waited for the administrator to answer, but a recorded message informed me that the school office was now closed.

I sat down at the tiny kitchen table, my chest rising and falling far too fast. Since Andrew’s accident, my mind went straight from nought to a hundred miles per hour, seeing a crisis in everything. It sped to the worst case scenario every time.

Mum wouldn’t have forgotten it was Evie’s first day, I knew for sure she’d have been there to pick her up. So where could they be?

I couldn’t just sit here, doing nothing. I dumped my jacket and handbag and dashed from the house, clutching only my phone and keys.

So many awful what if scenarios sped through my mind, I could barely keep track.

What if there had been a road accident involving Mum and Evie?

What if Mum had collapsed and Evie had run into the road in a panic?

What if Mum was ill and unconscious somewhere and Evie had somehow managed to wander home on her own?

I emerged on to the street, my eyes prickling and mouth dry, and that’s when I saw them. Turning the corner into Muriel Crescent.

‘Yoo-hoo!’ Mum called, waving.

Evie had an ice cream in her hand and seemed subdued. Usually, I’d expect her to break away from Mum and run to me.