Blindness(70)

I’m not able to talk with Cody throughout the entire dinner, but the overall conversation and tone of the day is so different from the last family meal I had in this room. Jim doesn’t talk to Cody directly, but he’s not openly mean to him either. He keeps talking with Trevor about the new deal, and how he thinks it might work. The way he ignores Cody offends me, and I dig my nails into my knee to keep myself calm and remind myself that Cody seems to be okay with how things are going.

When dinner is done, I catch the two of them actually shaking hands, and when I lock eyes with Cody, he flashes me my favorite smile—the one that says everything is right in the world. And even though I’ve lost a piece of my past, I feel somehow healed knowing Cody might get to keep his.

Trevor walks out with the Sumners, and he and Kevin make plans for a few drinks back at the hotel. Trevor’s relentless in begging me to join them, but I know I can’t keep up my performance for any longer tonight. I’m cracking at the seams, and all I want to do is lay on the grass and talk to Mac. I finally agree that we all go out and celebrate with Cody tomorrow, and he seems satisfied to join them on his own tonight.

I almost sprint outside as soon as Trevor leaves the driveway. The air is cold and crisp, and the early afternoon light is beaming on the dew and ice left on the tree branches. I find my spot at the side of the house, just outside of anyone’s view. I know Jim will spend the rest of the day watching football or drinking brandy in his office, and Shelly is already drunk.

Satisfied that I’m on my own, I lay back and drop my forearm over my eyes to block out the sun.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. You talking to Mac?” Cody says.

I squint and sit up to look at him, a little embarrassed that he’s caught me again. I half-smile and shrug. “Yeah, I’m a little lost today…sorry, I thought you left to take Kyla home?” I say, looking around Cody’s legs, hoping not to see her.

“Not yet. She’s…upstairs,” he says, gesturing behind him. I swallow hard realizing what he means. She’s in his bedroom, and he’s out here, which probably means she isn’t decent, or she’s in his bed, or in his shower…waiting.

“Stop,” Cody says, almost like he can read my thoughts. “She had to print some things from her email is all. She has a shoot tomorrow and needed her schedule.”

He squats down next to me, his hands buried in the front of his hoodie, and his hat low over his face. I laugh lightly and look away as I lie back down.

“What’s funny,” he says, sitting down completely now and pulling his knees in.

“You, you’re funny,” I say, biting my lip with a half smile, a little worried about offending him with what I’m going to say next. “You were so out of your element in that suit. How long did it take you to run upstairs and change, like two minutes?”

“Thirty seconds,” he says, stretching his legs out and laying down next to me. My fingers tingle on instinct, but I don’t reach for him. “Seriously, I actually jogged across the driveway and up the stairs so I could change.”

We’re both laughing, and when we stop, the silence feels thick, like we both have so much to say, but too much in the way.

“So, it went well?” I ask, already knowing it did, but wanting to hear Cody’s version of the day.

He smiles at me, leaning his head to the side to face me, then bites at his cheek before finally speaking. “Yeah. Somehow, I think it went well,” he says.

“Come on, you have to have faith,” I say, and Cody laughs. I push at him with my hand, his arm hard and warm under the softness of his sweatshirt. “What? There’s nothing wrong with being an optimist.”

He pushes back, and I think he’s mocking me at first, but he leaves his hand slightly on my arm. “You’re right, you’re right. I’ve just…well, let’s just say I’ve gotten used to Jim shitting all over me and my dreams; I might be a little jaded.”

I nod in understanding, but all I can think about is how close Cody’s hand is to mine, how we’re barely touching. And then he leans into me again, for the briefest moment—my body tremors.

“Your desk…” Cody says. He doesn’t know how to finish, and I don’t know how to begin. My eyes tear at just the mention of it.

“He was trying to be nice,” I say, swallowing hard on my emotions.

“Yeah, I know,” Cody says, finally giving in and reaching for my fingers now. At the slightest touch, I grasp for him, my hand hungry for his, and he holds it tightly, reassuring me. “Thing is, though, as much as I don’t do suits, neither do you, Charlie. And Trevor? He’s all suits, and ties, and…modern furniture.”

I close my eyes from the bright sun. I’ve told myself everything Cody is saying. But no matter what my heart wants, my head has me stuck. I feel responsible—loyal. “So, Trevor wants to go out tomorrow night, all of us, and celebrate your deal,” I say, trying to change the subject.

“Oooooooh, where we going?” her voice is like a phone-sex line, and it’s so f*cking disruptive, I actually jar my neck when I sit up with Cody to look at her. He’s on his feet in seconds, dusting off his jeans and moving toward Kyla.

“Sorry, I thought you’d be a while. I was just catching up with Charlie,” he says, almost like he feels guilty at getting caught with me—like he has something to hide.