Blakeshire (Insight #9)(3)

I knew exactly what Zander was saying to me. He wanted me to cross a line I had never crossed with Willow. To make a commitment to Madison. To open her wing. To give her a home. Something my father’s people would consider sacred.

Madison was from Infante. I would dare say the tradition would be lost on her, so Zander was not suggesting this to appease Madison, but to make me think, to force me to make a choice right here, right now, lying on this floor weak as hell.

I always told myself that the reason I hadn’t opened that wing and strolled Willow through it was that she was still blindly in love with Landen, that he more than likely had presented her with such a gift. That I would wait until she was mine to unveil it.

Right now, I was getting a harsh dose of pride shoved down my throat. Willow had told me a million times over that she was not mine, that there was another girl, that there had to be. But I was drunk on power, grief, and rage. I would not listen to her. Stubborn as ever, with fate on her side she proved me wrong. She found Madison Marie.

Merely a week ago, I was at death’s door, ready to succumb to the defeat. The Realm had captured both Landen and me, our minds were turned against us. In that wicked place, I began to see my dreams with more clarity. I knew that with each breath, each life, all souls change, but as my past lives were brought forth I could clearly see, or rather believe, that there could be two green-eyed girls. That from life to life, at times Willow’s energy, her touch, felt different. Vastly different. It almost felt wrong. Like a sin.

I woke from death with a warm kiss. With a kiss that was not laced in sin, but with life itself. A kiss that made me feel whole, that washed away my dark childhood, evil dreams. Lips so tender that they made the hell I’d lived through worth it.

Madison Marie ran from me. Who could blame her?

When I saw her again, we were in this very palace, in a room that was not protected from the eyes and ears of the ghost of Donalt. I had no choice but to play a part for both her and Willow. I could not let Donalt or anyone else know that I’d found the missing part of my soul—for if I did, she would be taken just as surely as my heart beats in my chest.

The only problem was that I was the only one who knew I was playing a part; to everyone else, I looked like a ruthless king pining for Willow Haywood, too prideful to admit I had been fooled.

My mind, soul, and heart were at war. It was so hard for me to understand why my life had been plotted the way it was. Why Willow was put before me in the first place, and not only in this life, but past ones.

I would only dare admit it to myself, but I was terrified of rejection. Willow had broken my heart a hundred times over the past few months, and it was entirely my fault. I feared walking up to Madison Marie and her taking what was left of me and shredding it to dust. And she had every right to. If I were in her place—if I had found my soul mate lusting after a man that looked just like me, using memories of me to persuade him, I would have been murderous. I would not have had the courage to stick around to hear the pleas of my true lover. Madison Marie had. I’m not a fool. I have no doubt she had done that to protect her friends; nevertheless, she had not run where so many others would have.

Last night, I had taken her on a real date. It began in my world with a ball for my kingdom to see, a stage we were all but forced to stand on, but it ended in her world, in the life she had abandoned to come and save my ass a week before.

I fell asleep with her in my arms, and for the first time in my life I slept without dreams of any life beyond this one. Even though we’d been awakened by a call to war, I kept finding myself smiling when no one else was looking. I let myself believe I was breaking down her walls. I was reaching her. But now, if she truly were without emotion, I had no idea where I would stand with her. Emotions feed the heart; without them black and white reasoning comes into play, and I knew without a doubt reason would not be on my side.

“My friend, my patience with this world has long since thinned. I have reason to take you and my mother and flee. Madison Marie should at the very least see the home I built for her before that time comes.”

Zander grinned broadly, which was rare in and of itself. “So you plan to claim her openly?”

“As openly as I can and not put her in danger.”

His smile faded.

“What?”

Silence.

“Listen, if you have seen anything, past or present, that tells you that I am wrong again—tell me now.”

He stared at me endlessly before sucking in a harsh breath.

“What? Zander!” I yelled as I shot up from the floor and went to shake him out of whatever spell he was under. His visions were dangerous. They had been known to pull him so far away that death was nearly declared. I held his chin, forcing him to look me in the eye. A second later, he focused on me.

“Honest.”

“Honest what?” I asked as my heart thundered.

“If you must stand on a stage, sire, tell her why. Never let a lie leave your lips when your words are aimed at her.”

My thoughts rushed back, questioning how many times I had already done that.

“Too late.”

His stare told me I was wrong. “Be honest now. She is your queen.”

“A queen to a world that you yourself said I would not rule. Am I set to make her a widower? Is that what you are saying?”

Zander was back completely now. He leaned away from me. “What the hell is your problem? Why is death your way out of everything?”