Blakeshire (Insight #9)(25)
With a trembling hand, she reached for the tattoo which was set on the inside of my arm and traced the tree and the dragon that was wrapped around it.
“Her name is not in my skin…those lost moments are,” I said against her neck before letting my lips kiss that tender skin.
She let out another breathy sigh; the sound was heaven to me. If fate was cruel and I discovered that she was not the girl I was searching for, there would be nothing left of me. I needed her to be real, for her to be the one I’d been yearning to hold again.
“I have been fooled so many times, and now those ploys are driving you away before you even get a chance to know me,” I confessed.
“I know you,” she said under her breath.
Not the promise I wanted.
“I’m going to cover this.”
“No,” she said, grasping my arm around her. “I believe you. I really do.”
“Do you want to know what terrifies me?” I said as I held her waist tighter.
She leaned her head back on my shoulder and stared into my eyes, clearly questioning if I could even feel the emotion of fear after what I’d lived through.
My hand rested on her neck. Her heart was hammering. “When I figured out her name was Willow, I took it as a sign. I tested Willow with every phrase I knew, and every once in a while she would almost have me convinced—that someone had blinded and spelled her against me.”
My hand tenderly moved down her neck until I reached the warm flesh above her heart. She trembled, and I went to pull away, but that near silent moan that left her lips gave me the courage to keep my hand exactly where I wanted it. “I’m terrified that you are going to vanish from my sight. I have tested you far more than you think you have tested me. That is why I have no choice but to be honest with you. To be blunt. I know you. I know that you will run from me if you manage to find any fault within my soul.” I let out a weary breath as my hand pressed against her chest. “I need this to be real. I need you to be real.”
“The only reason…the reason I fight this…is to keep you safe.”
My brow furrowed to question her.
“In some small way, I agree with the charade that you are trying to keep up with Willow for the sake of that ghost. I agree because the moment we decide to realize what’s between us, something sinister is going to plot to rip us apart.”
And there it was. The ugly truth. She feared that something would take me from her. I would be damned if I couldn’t swear that would not happen. Hell, I had all but been promised by Zander himself that I would not rule my kingdom, that my blood would. A reasonable man would walk away now and spare her from that pain, but I’m not reasonable. I’m starved for her.
“Decide to,” I nearly bit out, but it sounded softer because it was under my breath. She had to see that she was only a breath away from making me believe that she was who I thought she was. Dare I say, if she was, I would die a happy man knowing that I had held her in my arms at least once.
She glanced away, trying to hide her emotions from me. I had pushed her too far tonight. We were exhausted, and if I didn’t shut up now, I would honestly confess what Zander had all but promised me.
I reached for the lamp and turned it off, then adjusted us so that she was cradled in the cage of my arms. My hand rested above her heart as I held her. I could feel it pounding against my skin, which brought a smile to my face. Her body was reacting to me; her soul could not be far behind.
“Sooner or later, you are going to have to let me in, Madison Marie,” I said quietly into the darkness, which caused her heartbeat to hammer even faster. I breathed another smile to life, just before I kissed her temple and settled into a deep sleep.
Madison
I didn’t sleep. I stayed wide-eyed for hours. Thinking. Obsessing. Thinking over every word he ever spoke to me, every broken memory or dream that I had of the two of us. I knew if I didn’t get my head on straight, I was going to push him away. That he had been hurt too often by too many people that he trusted; so hurt that one more blow to his fragile heart would end him. Which meant the people he adored, his kingdom, would lose the one man that would rule them with an honest heart, the one man that would raise them above the torment that they had endured.
I made up my mind that even if I closed my eyes tonight and woke up in the hell that I had lived through just yesterday, even if fear were the only emotion I was forced to feel, I would face it. I was going to figure out who that woman was that haunted me my entire life, what secret—for better or worse—she was keeping me away from.
I was going to figure out who every single traitor in that kingdom was and personally ensure that I was responsible for the last breath that left their vessels. I was going to figure out what the seven deadly emotions were and what or if that had anything to do with me. I was going to protect this boy I loved. I may not have the courage to tell him any of this, but sometimes…actions speak louder than words.
Somewhere in the night, I moved out of his arms. I found a black sharpie in my bag.
I was a bit of an eccentric artist, meaning that sitting in front of a canvas poetically painting an image while music softly played in the background was not my style. When I created, really created, I used nearly every inch of my body. It was messy and consuming, so much so that no one had ever once witnessed the act. Well, maybe my mother, but I wasn’t counting her in the ‘anyone’ category simply because it had been her idea originally that I express myself that way.