Beyond the Horizon (Sons of Templar MC #4)(52)

I closed my eyes fastening my shaking hands around the nebulizer. I tried to slow my heartbeat, picture the beautiful sunset, the horizon, my mom living beyond that, in that better place.

It took a while, to get past the panic that came with getting robbed of breath, of realizing I could suck it in once more, but I got there.

I opened my eyes to Bex and Asher’s worried gazes. I slowly lowered my inhaler.

“I’m okay,” I rasped after sucking in some more oxygen.

Asher stared at me, his face was blank, blinking a couple of times. Then his whole body sagged with relief. He moved closer to me, to cup my neck, his eyes intent on mine, searching my face.

“I’m still calling an ambulance,” he declared, glancing down onto his phone.

I put my hand on his arm. “I’m okay. I don’t need an ambulance,” I protested in a husky voice.

His eyes cut back to me. “You stopped f*ckin’ breathing,” he said slowly, his voice ragged.

“It’s not the first time it’s happened,” I replied softly.

“It may be scary as shit, biker boy, but Lily’s right,” Bex put in from the other side of me, squeezing my hand. “She’s gone through this before. Not much the hospital can do now anyway. Trust me, I dragged her ass there the first time it happened,” she informed him with a shaky smile. I knew she was trying to mask her own fright. It wasn’t exactly cake when you watched someone suffocate on their own lungs. It wasn’t cake experiencing it either.

I smiled a sad smile at this. She had. She’d also called my mom in hysterics and then put her on the phone to me after locating my inhaler and thrusting it at me. Mom’s gentle voice had helped me focus on getting my breath back. That would never happen again. I’d never get that voice coaxing me out of the vortex of terror that came with my attacks. I blinked away the tears that came with this realization.

I unfastened the nebulizer and took a puff of the smaller part of the inhaler.

Asher’s eyes narrowed. “I didn’t even know she had asthma,” he muttered quietly. His voice was defeated as if he was angry at himself.

Bex gave him a sad smile. “Well, our Lily’s not about sharing much with the general public, in case you hadn’t noticed.” She winked at me. “She keeps this particular nugget close to her chest, excuse the expression.” She squeezed my hand again, her eyes turning serious. “You okay now, Lils babe?”

I nodded, my throat feeling too dry to speak. Plus, I was too busy trying to catch my breath, it was hard to both breathe and speak after an attack. Bex knew this, and reached over to the glass of water beside my bed, handing it to me. I gulped the water greedily, trying to swallow in between breaths. I gave her a smile in thanks.

She watched me drink with her eagle eye, as did Asher, but his gaze was intent, alert, as if he was expecting me to drop dead at any moment.

“Okay, my work here is done,” Bex exclaimed, pushing off the bed. “As much as I hate seeing you like that, at least I got a glimpse of your man shirtless. That’ll turn anyone breathless,” she winked at me then left the room.

I giggled slightly, the sound wheezy. Only Bex could make me laugh moments after an asthma attack.

Asher was not smiling. He was staring at me, his hand reached out to touch my throat lightly, then moved to my chest, laying it there for a moment. We were silent, his eyes didn’t leave mine, his hand moving on my chest with my breaths.

“Been in a lot of scary situations, babe,” he began quietly. “Been shot at, had to shoot at other people. Thought death might be around the corner on many of those occasions,” he continued, his eyes never leaving mine.

My heart started pounding under his hand, the image of Asher getting shot at causing more panic than the breath that had been stolen from me moments before.

“I’ve never been more afraid than just then, waking up to see you not being able to f*ckin’ breathe. Not knowing what was going on, or how to help you. Thinking you were going to f*cking die, right in front of me. Not being able to do a f*ckin’ thing. I’d take bullets over that any day,” he declared hotly. His hand moved to my jaw. “Me watching it was scary as shit. You experiencing it, f*ck, flower.” He actually grimaced, shaking his head. He was silent for a moment, looking down at my hand which was loosely grasping my inhaler. His own moved to cover it before he met my eyes once more. I almost flinched at the tortured look in his usually strong gaze. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked softly.

I shrugged. “Well, we haven’t exactly had much time to get to know the details of each other’s lives, if you haven’t noticed,” I pointed out, taking another puff of my inhaler.

Asher’s jaw went hard. “We’ve had two weeks of getting to know details,” he clipped, staring at my inhaler. “That’s a pretty important detail, Lily. Especially when you’re dancing on goddamned tables, and drinking yourself into the ground….” he paused, grimacing. “Jesus, letting me f*ck you like that….” he trailed off sounding disgusted in himself.

My stomach dropped. “That….” I whispered hoarsely, “that right there, is why I didn’t tell you. It’s not ... sexy. This….” I waved the inhaler, “I don’t want you treating me like glass. I like that you treat me like I won’t break, I never want you to look at me like you are now. Like I’m weak,” I whispered. I’d already had enough things that crippled me, my shyness, my inability to be bad ass in scary situations like Gwen and Amy, my utter normalcy. “I don’t want you to see me like I’m some weak flower, some damsel needing to be rescued. Someone you need to take care of. I’m not that. I don’t want to be your burden,” I continued, voicing my worst fear.