Bender (The Core Four #1)(80)

So many emotions flitted across his face, and I attempted to read every one of them. “Why would you?” His voice sounded timid, which was completely out of the norm for him.

“Because I’m spinning toward the ground and I’m twenty thousand feet up with no safety net. This is not the kind of control that I’m willing to let go of. Today showed me something that’s been blaring in my face for weeks now and just when I’m finally seeing it, I can’t process it. I need a little bit of time.”

“Blue, what do you mean by time?” He reached up and cupped my cheek. I placed my hand over his and felt his compassion seeping into me. Why did he look like I was about to crush him?

Tears were streaming down my face, and I let out a small sob. “You kept something important from me Camden. Honesty could have prevented this whole thing from happening. Not just what you did, but what I did too. I love you, and there’s nothing I can do about it. But I need to take some time to figure out how this makes me feel, how all of this can even work.”

He leaned forward and put his forehead on mine. “We can talk this out, time isn’t necessary.”

“It is.” I had nothing else to say. Stepping away from him, his hand dropped from my face, and I opened the shower door. Getting out I wrapped myself in a towel and walked to my room, retreating into my own space.



Camden didn’t follow me that night. He left me alone to wallow in my thoughts and resolve what a jumbled mess my head had become. I never even let him respond to my news breaking revelation. I hadn’t a clue if the feelings were even mutual, but I doubted it. It was like over the last few weeks I’d compartmentalized the feelings I’d established for Camden and tucked them away because I felt that he wasn’t ready for it. I wasn’t ready for it. Then the issue with Bree? I would have been understanding, I really would have. There was no reason for him to hide it from me. But obviously he didn’t feel that we were close enough that he could share something like that. That was the part the stung the most.

This morning at school I’d run into Dodger, and he apologized profusely for not telling me about Bree, but because he’d just found out himself I forgave him. I asked him some questions about her, which he gladly answered. I think he feared any negative repercussions from Macie. He confirmed that she has always taken to Camden more than the other three brothers, but mostly because he was the protective one, and he figured Camden made her feel safe. Apparently when you tell him something, that secret was on lockdown and he wouldn’t say a word. Yeah… no kidding! When I asked about the pregnancy, he didn’t seem to know much more than I did, except that she apparently had a one night stand with a bartender in the town that she lived and now she didn’t know what to do. I could understand why she’d be waffling about it. Not knowing if this guy was going to stick around when you hadn’t planned on a long term relationship with him, and then the sheer fact that her own mother had considered aborting her; she has quite a bit on her plate right now. I liked Breslin and the little bit that I knew of her now. And it turned out that she was thoroughly amused with my ass kicking of Camden’s car and had approved of me right then and there. She said if I dealt with Camden’s shit like that every time, I’d survive in this family. It made me smile for the first time in twenty-four hours.

I had just gotten home from work and plopped down on the couch. I thought I’d order a pizza and pop in a movie until Camden got home then we could talk. My phone was sitting next to me when it went off. MOM appeared on the screen.

“Hello?”

“Keegan! Oh God Keegan, I can’t find her.”

“Can’t find who, slow down Mom. Where’s Sarah?” My heart started beating in my chest.

She sounded frantic. “Sarah. She’s not here. I picked her up from school, and I thought she went upstairs to her room, but when I called her down for dinner she didn’t answer. Oh my God I can’t find her anywhere!”

I abruptly stood up and looked around my living room. Okay, okay… don’t panic. Where did I put my goddamn keys? “Have you checked outside?”

“Yes!”

“Did you look across the street at the park? Sometimes she likes to hide under the slide.”

“Yes, yes…Keegan oh God she was mad at me.”

I found my keys on the counter by my purse, and I took off for my car. “Did you two get into a fight?”

“I told her I was going to have your uncle pick her up from school tomorrow, because I had to work late, and she got upset. She told me that I’m never home anymore, so I said that she was being overdramatic.” Her voice quivered.

“Mom! You aren’t ever home! She misses you. She was trying to talk to you about it, and you blew her off.” I was fuming mad and terrified that something bad had happened to my little sister.

“Don’t yell at me, you’re not helping.”

“Shut up Mom, just shut up! I’m on my way. I swear if something has happened to her, I’m never going to forgive you!” I hung up not wanting to hear anything else she had to say. I called Macie on my way and told her what was happening. She tried to calm me down, but I was too worked up. She said she would meet me at the house and make some phone calls to places around town to ask if they’d seen her, then she’d let Dodger know. I needed Camden. All I wanted was for him to hold me and tell me that everything was going to be okay and that we’d find her. I was going to call him but I was pulling up to my mom’s house and I didn’t because I wanted to go in and search for Sarah.