Behold the Dreamers(100)
“How much have you been in touch?”
“We email each other a few times, nothing too special. He included me in his email list when he sent pictures of his fortieth birthday celebration with his boyfriend in Paris. I included him in my email also, when I emailed everyone to say that Timba had been born. He emailed me back congratulations and said he cannot wait for the day he has a child, too. Things like that.”
“I see.”
Neni nodded. “He told me that he and his boyfriend, they want to adopt very much, that is why two nights ago, when I was up thinking about my son, this idea just came to me like a lightning. I woke up in the morning and I could not think of anything else.”
“You haven’t told anybody yet, have you?”
“Who can I tell, Natasha? My friends will think I have become a madwoman, and my husband, I don’t even know how I will … That’s why I called you first, if you could help me talk to my husband, let him understand it will be the best thing for our son.”
“Do you really think that, Neni?”
Neni did not respond.
“You really believe that giving your son to this professor, who you barely know, and his partner will make your son happy? Make you happy? Because you’re going to have to—”
“If it means that my son can remain in America and become a citizen by being adopted by an American couple, I will be happy. I will tell him it is for the best for him and he will be happy, too. And I don’t care that they are gay, if they promise to treat him well.”
“But will your husband care that they’re gay? How does he feel about gays?”
“He’s not afraid of them.”
“Yes, but is he … never mind that. My bigger concern is not about them being gay. I think it’s wonderful that they’re gay, just like it’s wonderful that I’m not. What I care about is how this is all going to play out. Assuming you email the professor and meet and he tells you, sure, if you have to go back to Cameroon, my partner and I would love to adopt your boy. Assuming your son is happy with the arrangements, you kiss him goodbye at the airport and get on the plane, how do you think you’re going to feel the moment that plane gets in the air, knowing you might not see him for years?”
“I don’t know how I will feel … I will be worried for him, but … I don’t like to live my life thinking too much about how I’m going to feel. I just have to …”
Natasha leaned forward and pushed the box of tissues closer to Neni, who sniffled, but didn’t reach for a tissue.
“I know you came to see me,” the pastor said, “because you want me to validate you, tell you that you’re making a tough decision but it’s the right one. But I can’t do that … I really can’t, because I believe you will regret it. I don’t believe for a second that you’ll go through with it, knowing how much you love your son. But if you do … I’m sorry, Neni, but regret, especially when it comes to your child, it’s not something you want to live with.”
“I will not regret it,” Neni said. “I will not regret leaving him behind so he can become a citizen, grow up and be—”
“Are you even certain he can become a citizen if they adopt him?”
“I Googled it, and it says American citizens can adopt an illegal child and file for green card for him, and after a few years the child can become a citizen.”
“I’ve never heard of that. I would consult an adoption lawyer first, especially since the couple you have in mind is gay and there’s DOMA to worry about.”
“But I cannot take money to pay for a lawyer without telling my husband first!” Neni said, throwing her hands in the air. “And if I try to talk to him about this … I cannot even say anything to him these days without him …”
“Don’t worry about the money for now—I could always get you a free consultation somewhere or talk to the church board about helping you guys pay for a lawyer.”
“Oh, thank you so much, Natasha! From the bottom of my heart, I thank you so much!”
“But before we go ahead and start spending money on lawyers,” Natasha said, “I’ll ask you to please spend more time thinking—”
“Thinking about what?”
“Think about if this really is the best solution. Spend some more time—”
“I don’t have more time!” Neni cried. “My husband is ready to go back home right now, and I don’t know what else to do! I’m so angry at him, I cannot eat, I cannot sleep …”
“But there has to be another way to get your family out of this situation.”
“There are other ways but my husband says no!” Neni cried again, pulling tissues from the box and bawling into them. “He wants what he wants and I cannot do anything about it!”
Natasha leaned back in her seat and for almost a minute she said nothing, looking on as Neni finished her cry, wiped her eyes, and blew her nose. When Neni was done, Natasha stood up, picked up Neni’s used tissues from the floor, and brought her a new box of tissues.
“Oh, Natasha, what am I going to do?” Neni said as Natasha retook her seat. “Sometimes I feel as if I am in a movie about a crazy African woman.”
“We just have to trust God that the movie will have a happy ending, don’t we? And Neni and her family lived happily ever after!”