Before You (Before You #1)(52)
“What did he say was so important that he abandoned you in his apartment after not seeing you for over a month?”
“Come on, Sara. This was a last minute trip. He had things to take care of so we could spend the weekend together.”
“If you say so. So what’s this neurotic disorder you mentioned?”
“Jax and I had a disagreement on the trip back from the airport. I think he’s really upset with me, and I left my purse in his car. I can’t stop staring at my phone waiting for him to call or text me.”
“I think you need to consider why your relationship with Jax is so important to you. Lately, you dwell on him more than you do Cam’s noticeable absence. By your own admission, you’re waiting with bated breath for him to contact you, and you hardly care that Cam isn’t there to greet you when you fly across the country to see him.”
A flash of irritation swept through her. “I’ve already told you there’s nothing to my relationship with Jax except friendly camaraderie and I love—”
“Yes, right. You love Cam, and you can’t imagine your life without him. I’ve heard it all before,” Sara said wearily.
“I do love Cam. I always have, but I’m not sure what that means anymore. I loved growing up with him and I love his family, and I loved dating him until recently…”
“Can I be honest with you for a minute, Bre?”
“Of course,” Bre said as she lifted her feet onto the coffee table.
“You don’t have to stay with Cam to prove you aren’t like your mother. You have a long road to travel before you get anywhere near her level of crazy. Stability and consistency are wonderful things, but so is being true to your heart. You’ve been friends with Cam for so long, and with your grandmother gone, he’s your last anchor to your childhood, but that doesn’t mean you have to marry him.”
“I know,” Bre whispered. Tears flooded her eyes, and she wiped them with the back of her hand.
“Do you?”
“Yes. Since high school, every time I thought about how I wanted my life to look when I was older, Cam was part of the picture. Now, I’m not sure what I want anymore.”
“Bre, I didn’t mean to make you cry. I just wanted to encourage you to take a step back and consider why it’s so important to you to keep Cam in your life. Clearly, you two have drifted apart, but neither of you will cut the cord. Why is that?”
“I can’t give up on our relationship yet. Breaking up with him on the phone seemed—I don’t know—wrong and not totally final. My mom always gave up when things got difficult or complicated. I promised myself I wouldn’t be like her. Did I tell you that she left husband number three when he got cancer? While he was at the hospital getting his first treatment, she packed up our things and left him a note saying she was an artist, not a nurse.”
“Yes, she sucks. Everyone knows that, but there’s a big difference between dumping your sick husband and breaking up with your high school sweetheart that lives across the country.”
“My mind knows that, but sometimes I have a hard time letting people go. I came here to focus on Cam and see if there’s anything left between us, and that’s what I plan to do.”
“Just remember that if the answer is no, that doesn’t mean that the answer is always going to be no. Maybe you both would be happier if you let each other go for the time being, and if it’s meant to be, you’ll find each other again.”
“Maybe you’re right. Cam is always so distant, even when we’re together. I don’t want him to feel like I’m an obligation, otherwise he’ll resent me later.”
“Or the other way around. You might be the one to resent him if you don’t experience what the world has to offer because you’re too afraid to let him go.”
Bre laughed through her tears, suddenly feeling lighter. “I don’t know about that, but thanks for the pep talk.”
“Anytime.”
Bre knew that she meant it. Other than Jax, Sara had become the most dependable and supportive person in her life since Cam moved to LA.
As she ended her call with Sara, she saw a missed a text from Cam.
I’ll drop by Jax’s house to pick up your purse. Make yourself at home. I have to work until close.
Bre had all sorts of confusing feelings in response to that message—from resignation that this was her life with Cam, to frustration that she flew here to see him and he basically told her to go to bed, and he’d see her in the morning. Strange enough, the emotion that scared her the most was relief that she didn’t have to face him or the state of their relationship for another day. Cam unwittingly granted her a temporary stay of execution.
Chapter Twenty-Two
When Bre woke up the next morning, light filtered into Cam’s bedroom through the sheer blinds and she heard Cam talking in a hushed tone in the kitchen.
For several minutes, she lay unmoving, her eyes staring at the white ceiling, unwilling to face Cam. Irrationally, she questioned whether he would sense that she cheated on him or whether he could see some sort of outward physical change.
Somehow, Bre suppressed her panic and guilt long enough to get out of bed and slip into the bathroom to get ready for the day.