Before She Ignites (Fallen Isles Trilogy #1)(36)

But then, I recalled my skin: paper dry and falling apart. I couldn’t be sure how much of that had been real, but days without water must have had some effect. And he was touching me. Feeling my awful skin. He must have been so disgusted. What I wouldn’t give for a handful of coconut oil or shea butter. My skin thirsted just as much as my throat.

At home, Mother had jars and jars of lotions of every scent. Jasmine, lavender, orange blossom, apple, rose, ginger . . . others, too. I wished I had them now. With a little more effort, I could imagine spreading the smooth cream on my arms and legs and face. Glorious, sweet-scented moisture.

Aaru gave no indication that he minded my rough skin, though. He continued with his tapped message like he didn’t notice. Still, this was the first time he’d ever touched me. I wished I could have been soft.

I hated Altan a little more for destroying the only things anyone liked about me.

::Some didn’t want to go,:: Aaru said, oblivious to my whirlpool of distress. ::They’ve been here so long. But no one had a choice. Those who resisted were dragged out in chains.::

Who had resisted? Aaru? Gerel? Hurrok or Kumas?

::We were taken to a different cellblock. Brighter. Better. Guards said it was to encourage us to behave and take jobs.::

Given the questions Altan had asked me before darkening the noorestones, I doubted simple encouragement was the real reason for their removal.

No, I was being punished, but I didn’t have the energy to explain. Already, my thoughts were sluggish. I wanted to sleep, but even more, I wanted to keep this connection as long as possible. Just because he hadn’t let go of me before didn’t mean he wouldn’t if I drifted off again. I’d been alone for days. I never wanted to repeat that.

::Did it work?:: I asked.

His forefinger was motionless on my knuckles for five heartbeats. Ten. Twelve.

Then he said, ::Two meals a day. More water. Bigger cells with real beds. It was better there. Three stayed.::

::But you did not.::

He closed his hand over mine and squeezed. “I did not,” he whispered.

Chills swept through my heart, carrying a fantasy that he’d returned to the first level because of me. Because he wouldn’t leave me behind. But that was foolish, of course. This strange and fluttery feeling was simply a result of his kindness and I was starving for human contact.

::They all lie.:: Aaru tapped my knuckles again. ::I will not give them what they want. I will not abandon my ally.::

When he pulled away, deeper into his cell, my hand was cold and empty. My fingertips fell still and silent on the floor, my code-voice removed as simply as his withdrawal. As for my throat-voice, it was useless right now, but I tried, anyway, to bring him back.

“Ah—” The pathetic sound ground upward from my throat, across my tongue, and died on the floor beside me.

Aaru reappeared at the hole. “Checked cup.”

Oh. Relief trickled through me.

He squeezed his hand through the hole and rested it over mine. His skin smelled sour, like the prison, but somewhere under the filth, I caught notes of open fields and rainstorms and lightning-shot skies. “Still empty,” he whispered.

Of course. Since I’d just drunk all the water. All of Aaru’s water. Again. Same as the day of my arrival.

He had so little. He gave so much.

Before I could respond, heavy footfalls slammed through the hall, and I recognized the cadence of Altan’s stride. Six, seven, eight . . . He was coming closer, from the direction of the mess hall, not the bath. And there was someone with him—someone larger, who took two steps for every three of Altan’s.

The panic spiked. My hand shook, knocking Aaru’s away. He released a sharp, quiet cry as his knuckles bashed against the edge of the wall hole.

Adrenaline flooded my whole body, making my face and throat and chest heat.

No, no, no. I couldn’t have an attack now. Not when I was already so weak. But I couldn’t stop it. All the breathing exercises and calming thoughts Doctor Chilikoba had ever taught me were burning up in the fire of terror. Useless.

Breath huffed out of me in jagged gasps and all my thoughts jumbled into a giant nothing. I was falling apart. Falling to pieces. Floating away.

My cell door screeched and Altan and his companion came inside. The panic overtook me, a storm I could not outrun.

As unconsciousness seized me, the last thing my mind registered was the numbers. Always numbers.

::Strength through silence,:: Aaru was banging on the wall of his cell. ::Strength through silence.::

When Altan and his friend dragged me from under the bed, those words became my last thought:

Strength through silence.





BEFORE





Sarai 15, 2204 FG


“LEX COULD BE HURT.” ILINA STARED INTO THE mouth of the cave.

My heart jumped. I’d never been in a dragon cave before. Mother had forbidden it, because it was too dangerous. And, as with the drakarium, it was generally considered rude to go tromping into a dragon’s home. But I didn’t want to tell Ilina no; not when I desperately wanted to go in myself. To help. And because I’d always wanted to see the inside.

Ilina fished the calm-whistle from her pocket, then motioned at her backpack. “Get a noorestone, will you?”

Hristo felt around the bag until he found an elongated noorestone, shining bright white-blue. Crystal, momentarily distracted from the scent of a larger dragon, stretched her neck as long as it would go and gave the noorestone a small trill of approval.