Beautiful Mistake(77)

Even though I’d come here with confusion over Caine, we really hadn’t spoken about him much. What was bothering me, I’d realized, had little to do with him and more to do with me.

“It’s a really long story.”

“I’ve got nothing but time, my dear.”

I guess priests have heard it all, because after I finished my crazy story, he didn’t sound even the slightest bit shocked.

“Is there anything else you’d like to confess today?”

“Well, it’s been a really long time, so I’m sure I have a ton. I use bad language pretty frequently.”

The priest was quiet for a moment. “For your penance, I want you to say one Hail Mary and one Our Father and complete two acts of forgiveness.”

“Okay.”

I stood and looked at the lattice. The priest was facing the door, and I could only make out a vague profile.

“Thank you for listening, Father.”

I had one hand on the door when he stopped me. “Rachel?”

“Yes?”

“That first act of forgiveness should be easy. You haven’t done anything wrong. You need to forgive yourself.”

After I said my prayers, I returned to my car. It wasn’t until I was halfway home that something dawned on me. I hadn’t told him my name, yet the priest had called me Rachel.





On the way back, I did a lot of thinking. I decided to stop in at O’Leary’s and ask for a few days off. My head wasn’t in a good place, and I really needed to work on my thesis anyway. It was late afternoon, and the bar was quiet, with just a few ex-cop regulars hanging around with Charlie.

“Hey, Charlie. You have a minute?”

“Sure, sweetheart. You’re a heck of a lot more pleasant to look at than these two old guys.” He thumbed his finger at his buddies with a smile.

I took a seat at the other end of the bar, and Charlie filled a glass with Diet Coke before coming to talk to me.

“Would it be okay if I took a few days off? I can ask Ava to cover me.”

“Everything okay?”

“I just need to get caught up on some schoolwork.”

“Sure. Of course. And don’t worry about getting Ava to cover you. I’ll cover your shifts.”

“Thanks, Charlie. I really appreciate it.”

“Oh, by the way.” He walked to the register and lifted the money tray, removing an envelope from underneath. “Glad you and that professor broke up. I ran him. He’s got a record.”

“You ran him?”

He tossed the envelope on the counter. “Yeah. Told you I was going to check out the guys sniffing around you girls from now on. Guy’s got a record for assault. It’s old, and it was sealed because he was a juvie. But not too many criminals change their stripes.”

Rather than attempt to explain anything, I just said thank you. It was a fitting end to the day I’d had. When a few new patrons came in, Charlie went to make some wings, and I decided to open the envelope.

It was surreal to read a police report that involved Caine and Benny. The top half was all informational—name, date, location, time of incident. At the bottom of the page was a section labeled Narrative of Incident, and a paragraph had been written in an officer’s chicken-scratch handwriting:

On 8-3-02 at 15:35 hours, suspect committed an act of assault on an unrelated thirty-nine-year-old man. There were no witnesses to the attack, but when I arrived on the scene, the suspect was standing over the victim, who was unconscious. I observed cuts and blood on the suspect’s knuckles, consistent with the victim’s assault. Ambulance number 4631 was dispatched and arrived on the scene at 15:48 hours. The victim regained consciousness during the time the paramedics were treating him. The suspect admitted he had assaulted the victim but refused to give a statement other than requesting that police and social services be sent to 3361 Robbins Lane within the town of Pleasantville. Units were dispatched to the address to investigate. The suspect was searched and cuffed and placed into the back of the squad car while the scene was secured. He remained there until 16:50 when he was transported to the 33rd precinct for processing of charges on second-degree assault.

While I’d already known everything I read, somehow seeing it all on paper hit me. Caine had put my sister and me before himself, making sure we got the attention we needed before even considering what might happen to him. He’d done the same thing again a few weeks ago—or, at least he thought he had—choosing to sacrifice his own happiness for mine when he’d broken things off to avoid dredging up the past.

I closed my eyes. The memory of my mom that had come back today as I sat in the church once again flooded my thoughts. She’d told me to come to the church if I ever needed to talk, and God would listen.

“What if He’s busy?”

She leaned over and kissed the top of my head. “Then one of His angels will be listening.”

Suddenly everything was clear. It wasn’t Caine I needed to forgive. He’d never done anything but try to protect me. I needed to forgive myself in order to accept him into my heart. I could run the other way, but it was too late, he already had my heart.

Charlie must have noticed me in deep thought and mistook that for being upset.

“You okay?” He pointed to the ripped envelope on the bar and the papers I’d been reading.