Beautiful Mistake(73)

“I do.” He was steadfast in his answer. “And even more importantly, I believe God brought you back together again for a reason.”

“And what’s that reason?”

“That.” He pointed a finger at me. “Is for you to figure out. It appears He’s giving you a second chance. What you do with it is up to you.”

I shook my head. Maybe he was right. Maybe we were back together for me to come clean with Rachel, or maybe this second chance was about something more. But doing the right thing by her was fifteen years in the making.

“Thanks, Father.”

He reached over and extended a hand to me. “I’ll give you some space so you can do what you came here to do—think.”

We shook. “Thank you.”

He stepped out of the pew, took a few steps toward the altar, and then turned back to me. “Four Hail Marys, two Our Fathers, and an act of faith.” Seeing the look on my face, he explained. “Your penance. I don’t believe in just saying prayers to atone for your sins. Sometimes I give an act of virtue of some sort as part of your contrition—an act of charity, an act of hope... I’m going easy on the prayers for you, but I want the act of faith to be significant.”

I sat alone in the back of the church for almost another hour, thinking. Eventually I decided it was time to go. But as I headed out, I couldn’t resist taking a look, returning to the scene of the crime.

I smiled when the door to the old confessional creaked open just like it used to. The inside looked almost exactly the same, maybe a little more time-worn. Taking a seat in that chair where everything had started, I took a look around. The decor hadn’t changed much either. Only a simple gold cross hung on the wall. I stared at it for a while, then my head fell into my hands and my eyes closed.

So many questions swirled around. Could there be some truth in that Rachel and her sister might have denied anything going on if I’d told someone right away? Could she forgive what I’d done and all the lies then and now? Even if she could, had Rachel already moved on? Is it better that she did? Seeing her earlier with Davis—the happy look on her face as she laughed—hurt like hell. I wanted to be the one to make her smile. Maybe that was my act of faith, part of my penance of sacrifice.

I didn’t know what the hell I was supposed to do. It was possible I was more confused now than when I’d wandered in. I know I’ve been a crap parishioner, but a sign might be nice.

Feeling defeated, I opened my eyes and looked down at the worn carpet. A shiny penny stared at me, heads facing up. I laughed and reached down to pick it up. Even after all these years, I could still hear her little voice.

“Find a penny, pick it up, and all day long you’ll have good luck.”

God, she was still with me. Even after all these years and everything we’d been through. How could I let her go?

And then it hit me.

I could let her go physically. But she’d be taking my heart with her. I needed to at least give her the truth and let her decide what to do with it.

Just like I’d done before when I sat in this seat, I flipped the copper penny over and over between my thumb and pointer. Closing it into my palm after a minute, I looked up at the cross.

“Thanks. I’m gonna need it.”





Rachel



If he really cared, he would have done something about it.

That was tough to accept. Even though Caine had given me no reason to hang on to hope, I had been. But tonight I felt like whatever I’d been clinging to had finally snapped.

“It’s killing me to see you like this,” Ava said.

We’d just locked up O’Leary’s at the end of the night. Since it had been slow, I’d done everything I needed to before we closed, except total out the register, which I was currently doing. I stopped counting and looked up at my friend.

“I’ll be fine. It was just a rough night.”

She took a seat at the bar. “Maybe you shouldn’t have told Davis you weren’t interested. He’s a nice guy. Might help you to get over the fuckwad.”

I smiled. Ava had been Team Caine right up until the moment I told her he’d broken things off. Now she had a wide assortment of names for him, none of which were Caine.

“I just don’t understand why he showed up here tonight.”

“Caine? I don’t know. But he didn’t look happy. He stared at the two of you sitting in that booth over there and didn’t even hear me call his name. I thought for sure he was going to storm over and throw a punch.”

Although that would have been upsetting, at least it would have shown me he cared. No man sees a woman he has feelings for and walks out. Especially the moment Caine had apparently walked in on. Finding out he’d stopped by O’Leary’s and left when he saw me holding hands with Davis felt like it was finally the end. I’d been imagining seeing something still there in his eyes. But Charlie had been right—if you want to know whether a man’s heart is still in it, show him you’ve moved on. I’d been seeing what I wanted to see instead of the truth.

“Well, he didn’t. And that says more to me than anything.”

“Men suck.”

I finished counting out the register and put the money in the leather bag we used to store it in overnight in the safe.

“That about summarizes things.”