Beast(75)

Fuck JP. She’s here, and I talk to her and her alone. “Jamie, you and I—”

“There is no you and I!” she yells. “Did you know I couldn’t speak for days? How I fell to my knees in the shower and cried so long, my mom came in because she thought I drowned?” Jamie bites down so hard, dark purple dents dot her lower lip. “You have no idea how much I tortured myself over that stupid pretzel. Who eats half a pretzel? What the hell am I supposed to do with that? I should’ve never gotten that stupid thing. All it did was make me cry all over again.”

“I didn’t know what to do with it.”

“So you split it in half to mess with me? I didn’t know if you would call or not, if you wanted to see me, talk to me. Why did you only take half?”

“I needed some time.”

“If you need some time, then you sack up and tell a bitch.”

“It’s just that—”

“You’re all rambling on and on about the genesis of evil in cancer, like it’s some Nazi plague with its very own Hitler or something, and then you turn around and pretend we never happened?”

I want to tell her about my dad. “I didn’t—”

“Oh yes you did.” She hugs herself. “I thought there was more in you. I trusted you. But it turns out you’re ugly, inside and out.” Jamie tilts her eyes toward the precipitation and tucks her camera safe and dry into her bag. “This is a nightmare. I’m going.”

“Wait, wait, wait!” JP jumps in front of her, stopping Jamie from picking up her bike. “You said you’d give me ten minutes and we have six more to go.”

“What the f*ck is going on?” I bark at him.

Jamie walks a wide circle around JP and stands toe to toe with me. She reaches inside her bag and hands me a postcard, a black-and-white photograph of her lighting a piece of paper with Russian and Chinese and French and Spanish words scrawled all over it. The only one I recognize is amor, a smoky haze all around her head in a fog. I flip it over and read:

Jamie McCutchen

A One-Girl Show

February 12–20 at Café Crossroads



“I have a show coming up. You know, for all those photos of mine you never asked to see. Maybe once you get your head out of your ass, you’d like to come. JP paid for the mats, frames, and everything.”

“Her photographs are amazing,” he says.

“Wait, what? You’ve seen them?” For some reason this greatly pisses me off.

“Hey, you had your chances. It’s not like I was hiding the fact that I’m really into photography. JP at least showed an interest in what I do.”

“JP did all that so you’d come today; do you not see how effed up that is?”

Jamie stares a hole into my head.

“Her pictures really are amazing, no joke. I just…I don’t know any other way,” JP says. “I had to do something. The past forever has sucked. Sue me, but I miss the old days.”

“I don’t believe a word you say.” I want to spit, the taste in my mouth is so bad.

“You really should hear him out. Of everyone here, JP is the only person willing to make it work with you.” Jamie goes to JP’s side and stands with him. “He’s a really good person.”

“She’s a really cool girl,” JP says. “And the happiest I’ve ever seen you is when you were with her, even if it was just on that one day for like one minute. I thought if you saw Jamie one more time, you’d get a second wind or something.”

“This isn’t a boat race. You’re only making things worse,” I say.

“Oh, because you’re the hero in this scenario? Yeah, okay. Sure,” Jamie says.

“You can be bought,” I tell her. “So you’re no better than me.”

“Don’t try that holier-than-thou crap with me. You’re the one who went around breaking faces. I’d never ever go around beating people up for candy and controllers and whatever else.”

“That was a long time ago. I don’t do that anymore.”

“I can’t believe I fell for a bully.”

“Whoa, hold on here. This is not how it was supposed to go down.” JP dances in between us, cutting the air up with his hands. “You were supposed to finally say all those things you were dying to tell him. He was supposed to say he was a dumbass and ask for forgiveness, and that’s supposed to ignite the flame, get some sparks back, so you guys are both happy and Dylan and I get to play video games and hang out again. I’m bringing you two together. That was the plan.”

“That’s not what you told me, not even close,” Jamie snaps. “You said Dylan had a revelation and was too screwed up to text me. Obviously he had no idea I was coming.”

“It’s true, I didn’t. If you guys are gonna be best buds, then get used to him saying a whole lot of mixed-up, twisted shit, Jamie….”

“Look, I’m trying to be better, I swear,” JP pleads. He touches his perfect face, his hair, his chest. “I know what I look like and how to use it. I’m locked inside a box I didn’t ask for.”

“Oh, boo f*cking hoo,” I say. “How sad for you, JP, being so goddamn pretty. Must be so tough when the world throws itself at your feet; you must stub your toes all the time.”