Baking and Babies (Chocoholics #3)(65)

“Save me a seat, I’ll be back in a few,” I tell him, smoothing his tie down before heading in Charlotte’s direction.

“I’ll miss you Cletus! Remember me fondly,” Marco calls after me.

I ignore him and charge through the crowd, standing quietly behind Charlotte while she’s still staring at something on her phone. I lean over her shoulder and immediately regret it when I see she’s watching some sort of horror movie, the screen filled with what looks like bloody roast beef falling out of a wound in someone’s body that has blood and guts and internal organs spilling out of it.

“What the f*ck are you watching?”

Charlotte screams, dropping her phone as she whirls around to face me.

“Dammit, Molly! I thought you’d finally gotten tired of sneaking up on people. It’s like you get some sort of sick thrill out of making people scream,” Charlotte complains with a sigh, bending down to grab her phone.

“It’s true, I do. I keep your screams in a jar in my closet next to the severed heads,” I explain with a shrug. “Want to tell me why you’re watching the world’s most disgusting horror movie right before dinner?”

“It wasn’t a horror movie, it was a Youtube video of a live birth,” she tells me, setting her phone on the table next to her.

“That was a vagina?” I ask in shock. “I knew they were pretty resilient, but how the hell do they come back from something like that? It looked like it went through a meat grinder. Your vagina is going to look like a raw hamburger patty covered in ketchup and thrown at a wall.”

She glares at me, her hands on her hips and her foot tapping against the floor. “Thanks a lot. Like I’m not freaked out enough as it is.”

I pat her shoulder comfortingly. “Well, you’ll be happy to know I have one less thing for you to be worried about. I had a nice little chat with Gavin earlier. He wanted to apologize for being a dick and so angry when he walked in on us in the bathroom that day and also for avoiding me since then.”

Charlotte’s eyes widen in fear and her hands drop to her sides. “Did you tell him? What the f*ck did you say to him?!”

“Calm the f*ck down, burger vag,” I sigh. “I didn’t tell him anything, but you definitely will before this night is over. It turns out, Gavin wasn’t angry, he was jealous. Because he’s decided he wants kids and he’s afraid to tell you since you guys both agreed not to have them. So, now you can tell him tonight and not have anything at all to worry about tomorrow.”

I smile happily, waiting for her to tell me how amazing I am and how it’s all thanks to me that she can marry the love of her life without having any secrets between them.

“Are you insane?!” She screeches. “I can’t tell him now, at our rehearsal dinner! He’ll want to tell everyone and then mom and dad will know and it will start a huge argument and this perfect night will be ruined!”

“Did you even hear what I said?” I yell back. “Your fiancé wants kids. You can finally stop telling him you have the flu and that your ass isn’t the size of Texas now because of stress-eating. This is a good thing, dumbass!”

She huffs, snatching her phone from the table as the owner of the restaurant announces for everyone to take their seats so they can begin serving the first course.

“You bitches want to tone it down a little? People are starting to stare,” Ava tells us as she walks up next to us.

“I’ll tone it down when meaty vagina here tells Gavin the truth,” I announce petulantly.

Charlotte grimaces and Ava sighs.

“I’m just going to pretend I understand the meaty vagina reference before Charlotte pukes on my shoes. I thought we were waiting until after the wedding?” Ava asks.

“We ARE,” Charlotte growls. “I don’t want anything to ruin tonight or tomorrow. What’s the big deal, anyway?”

“The big deal is that I just told you your fiancé wants kids and all you care about is having a perfect wedding!” I argue.

“Wait, Gavin wants kids?” Ava asks in shock.

“Not only does he want kids, he’s been jealous of my fake pregnancy this entire time and is freaking out about telling Charlotte he’s changed his mind,” I inform her.

The pissed off and annoyed look on Charlotte’s face immediately disappears and she smiles brightly at something behind me.

“We saw you guys having a little argument. Don’t mind us, just carry on,” Dicky Daren tells us as he aims the camera in our direction.

Charlotte laughs nervously. “Oh, no, we’re not arguing! We’re…ummmm, excited. Molly just told us she felt the baby kick!”

The camera flies in my direction and I can hear it clicking and whirring as it zooms in on my stomach.

“Right, Molly? You felt the baby kick because that would be sweet and awesome and wouldn’t cause anyone like Mom and Mad to scream and fight and ruin this entire night, right?” Charlotte asks, her eyes wide and pleading with me as she presses her hands to my stomach.

“You are such an *,” Ava mutters to Charlotte, as the camera pans to Ava’s face. “I mean, an * for getting to feel that little spawn kicking before me!”

Ava’s hands also fly to my stomach and all three of us look into the camera with fake smiles while I silently curse Charlotte.