Baking and Babies (Chocoholics #3)(41)

“None taken,” I reply, grabbing Marco’s arm and pulling him closer to my grandfather. “This is Marco, my boyfriend. Marco, this is Grandpa George.”

Marco holds out his hand and gives my grandfather a smile. “It’s nice to meet you, sir.”

Grandpa stubbornly keeps his hands in his pockets for a few seconds, finally removing one slowly. Instead of grabbing Marco’s hand, he sticks a toothpick in his mouth and starts to chew on it. After a few tense moments, he removes the toothpick and holds it up in front of Marco.

“See this here toothpick?”

Marco nods silently.

“If you don’t do right by my granddaughter, I will gouge out your eyes with it, then rip off your scalp and skull-f*ck you,” he says quietly, sticking the toothpick back in his mouth.

“SOMEONE’S MOVING TO SUFFOLK?” Sue asks loudly.

“Well, this has been fun,” I mutter, grabbing Marco’s hand again before he passes out or runs away in fear. “I need a drink, who wants a drink?”

Everyone raises their hands and we all move towards the coolers my parent’s set up by the food tables. Opening the first one, I find it filled with ice and beer. Quickly grabbing two of the bottles, I hand one to Marco and then twist the top of mine, sighing happily when I hear the seal pop.

I bring the cold bottle up to my lips, my mouth watering for some much needed alcohol. The beer is an inch from my mouth when it’s quickly snatched out of my hands and replaced with a cup of apple juice.

“That baby already has enough problems with our family’s DNA flowing through it, don’t make it worse by getting it drunk,” my mother scolds, chugging the beer she just took from me.

I watch longingly as she downs half the bottle before she saunters off to greet more family members.

“So, hey, thanks again for the graduation party,” I tell Marco, trying not to glare at him while he drinks his beer. “If we ever do this again, let’s do it when I’m not fake pregnant and I can get wasted and pretend like I’m not related to any of these people.”

Marco laughs and leans forward, pressing a quick kiss to my lips. Just like with everything he does with me, it’s easy and natural and he makes it feel like he’s done it a million times before. I love that he organized this party for me, and I love that he made my family feel bad about not acknowledging my graduation, but would really love it if we were alone right now so he could kiss me again. I know that makes me sound all stupid and girly and exactly like my sisters, but I’m so distracted by his lips that I don’t care.

“I’ll make you a deal. I’ll distract everyone so you can sneak a few beers if you promise you won’t let your grandfather skull-f*ck me,” he negotiates alcohol for protection like he’s been a part of this family for years.

I hold up my hand, putting my fingers in the same formation as Uncle Drew did earlier.

“Shocker Honor, I promise I will never let my grandfather skull-f*ck you with a toothpick.”





Chapter 14




– I Have a Vagerie –

Marco




I can’t believe I agreed to this. What the hell was I thinking? Oh, I know. I was thinking that I’d do whatever Molly asked of me after she protected me from imminent skull-f*ckage at her graduation party the other day. I was so happy to have my brain non-f*cked with a toothpick that I told her I wanted to take her on a date. As much as I like her family now that they’ve decided not to kill me, I wanted to do something with her away from their prying eyes where we didn’t have to watch what we say about this whole pregnancy business. I made the mistake of telling her we could go wherever she wanted.

“Your mom likes this brand of wine, right?” Molly asks as we walk up the steps of my mother’s front porch.

Yep, Sunday dinner. Molly decided our first official date should be Sunday dinner with my family. I am so screwed.

“My mom likes anything with the name wine in it,” I joke. “Don’t worry about the wine. You should really be more concerned with my mother hitting you with a wooden spoon because I didn’t knock you up? while at the same time complaining I almost killed her when she thought I did knock you up.”

After the graduation party ended, I drove Molly back to Seduction and Snacks so she could get her car, and I told her all about how I had to come clean with my mom and sisters about what’s going on.

“I still can’t believe she goes to the same salon as my Aunt Claire,” Molly mutters. “And that the two of them went baby shopping and my aunt never said a word to me about it.”

Opening the door and motioning for her to go in ahead of me, I call for my mom as soon as we get inside.

Three sets of feet pound against the floor like a herd of elephants as my mom, Tessa, and Rosa all come racing out of the kitchen and down the hall.

Mom goes right up to Molly and pulls her in for a tight hug, kissing both of her cheeks before pulling back to look her up and down.

“You’re prettier than your pictures on The Facebook,” she exclaims with an approving smile.

“It’s just Facebook, Mom,” Rosa tells her. “Hi, I’m Rosa.”

Mom moves out of the way so Rosa and Molly can meet.

“You know I don’t understand that interwebs thing,” Mom complains. “And you still haven’t fixed the remote so I can send those text message things and—”