Baking and Babies (Chocoholics #3)(23)

“Don’t you mean hashtag?” Aunt Claire asks.

“No. It’s pound sign. Twitter stole it from math,” Aunt Jenny replies with a roll of her eyes.

“Wow, I actually can’t argue with that,” Aunt Claire says with a shrug, giving in and pounding her fist to Aunt Jenny’s.

“Alright, who wants chicken noodle soup?” Mom asks happily, holding up a can of Campbell’s.

“Oh, God. Molly’s going to be sick again!” Charlotte yells, grabbing my hand and dragging me back out of the kitchen.





Chapter 8




– Bag of Dicks –

Marco




“I can’t believe I missed half-price lap dances,” I hear Drew grumble as I make my way into the house a few minutes after everyone else.

My shoes squeak and squish against the floor as I go, and thankfully, the women seem to be more interested in what Drew is saying than what I look like and I can stand in the doorway of the kitchen unnoticed.

“You guys went to a strip club? Are you kidding me?” Molly’s mom complains.

“Do you see stripper glitter on my face? Do I smell like desperation and bad life choices?” Drew asks, pausing to lift his arm & smell his pits. “Wait, don’t answer that.”

“We didn’t go to a strip club; don’t worry,” Molly’s dad reassures her, walking over to the fridge and opening the door. “Ooooh, you made sandwiches!”

I see Charlotte slide against the wall in my direction, quickly covering her mouth when Jim brings the plate, heaping with sandwiches, out of the fridge and sets them in the middle of the island. Gavin moves to her side and puts his arm around her, quietly asking if she’s okay.

“The meat,” she whispers with a shell-shocked look in her eyes. “Uh, Molly can’t stand the smell of meat and she threw up earlier. Seeing the sandwiches again just made me think of all that puke.”

I feel a hand on my arm and look away from the couple to see Molly staring at me in confusion.

“Why are you all wet?” she asks, taking in my wrinkled, damp t-shirt I wrung out and put back on and my jeans that are now dripping onto the kitchen floor.

I notice her wet, gnarled mess of hair hanging around her face that is also dripping with water and return her own question. “Why are YOU all wet?”

“She had the meat sweats,” Jenny informs me, giving Molly a pat on the back as she walks behind her and over to Drew.

“What the hell are meat sweats?”

Molly winces, pushing a clump of hair out of her eyes. “I really don’t want to talk about the meat sweats.”

I force myself to keep my eyes off of Charlotte even though I can see out of the corner of them that she’s got her back pressed up against a wall next to us, watching her father nervously as he takes a big bite out of a salami sandwich.

“I really like salami, too,” Molly mutters sadly before looking back at me. “But seriously, why are you all wet?”

Drew and Carter start laughing as they each grab a sandwich from the insanely large pile from the plate on the counter.

Molly leans in close to me and sniffs. “And why do you kind of smell like pee?”

I groan and throw my hands in the air, shooting an annoyed look at the three men now giggling like little girls. Little * girls. “You guys said the smell was gone!”

“It’s not our fault you couldn’t handle the low pressure hot wax,” Drew says through a mouthful of food. “If I can handle a little candle wax on my balls every third Friday, you can handle a hot wax treatment on your undercarriage.”

“I really don’t want to know what you’re talking about, but I’d still like to know why Marco is all wet,” Molly informs him, wisely choosing not to comment on the candle wax on the balls subject. I learned much more about Drew’s balls tonight than I ever needed to know, thank you very much.

“You can’t get clean going through a car wash if you’re in the trunk. Obviously riding on the hood made more sense,” Jim smirks.

“Jim Gilmore!” Liz scolds.

“What? We had to get the pee smell off of him somehow.”

So much for thinking this night couldn’t get any more uncomfortable after Drew felt the need to show me the scars on his balls from when he let Jenny shave them.

“Do you want to talk about the pee smell?” Molly asks me.

“Do you want to talk about the meat sweats?” I fire back.

“So, what else did you guys do?” she asks, looking away from me and back to the guys.

“Marco, why don’t you take her and the rest of these lovely ladies outside and show them what else we did?” Carter suggests.

I forget about my embarrassment over the whole pee situation and get excited all over again about what we did. Grabbing Molly’s hand, I pull her towards the front door while the rest of the women follow behind, leaving the men in the kitchen to stuff their faces.

“Wait until you see it, Molly. It’s the coolest thing in the world!”

“It sounds like you had a good time. And there aren’t any noticeable bruises on your face, so that’s a plus,” she tells me.

“Aside from the incident in the trunk that we are never to speak of, and the scalding hot water from the car wash, I had a good time. Although you could’ve warned me that your Uncle Drew likes to whip his balls out in public.”