Bad Romeo Christmas: A Starcrossed Anthology (Starcrossed #4)(8)

"Dining alone, Vanessa?" I ask. "We can always see if they can fit you at our table."

Ethan tenses but doesn't say anything.

Vanessa laughs, like the concept of her being alone is ridiculous. I grip Ethan tighter.

"No, not alone," she says with a condescending smile. "Just came in for a drink before heading off to a party. But I should let you two lovebirds go. I'm sure you have to discuss cakes and flowers, and whatever else engaged people talk about."

She leans forward and kisses Ethan on the cheek. "So great to see you, Bear. It's been too long."

Bear? Gross. I know I'm going to ask Ethan about that, even though I'm certain I'm not going to like the answer.

She pulls a card out of her purse and hands it to him. "Give me a call if you ever want to reminisce. I work downtown."

Ethan takes the card without looking at it. "Thanks. Hope you have a good Christmas."

She raises a perfectly sculptured eyebrow. "You know I will."

Right on cue, the hostess comes to tell us our table is ready.

We only take a few steps before Ethan stops and turns back to Vanessa. "Don't suppose you've kept up with Matt over the years, have you?"

Matt was his best friend in high school. From what I understand, they haven't spoken since Ethan broke Matt's jaw the day after he found him and Vanessa in bed together. One more suitcase of crap in Ethan's collection of emotional baggage.

Vanessa shrugs. "I haven't seen him for years. But we're Facebook friends. He's married. Has twin girls. Seems pretty happy."

A shadow passes over Ethan's face. "Good. That's ... good. Do you have a number for him?"

"Sure. Call me sometime, and I'll give it to you."

Ethan nods, and we head over to our table. For a long time, we sit there, each pretending to read our menus. The quiet is deafening.

"You okay?" I ask.

He looks up, and for a second he looks exactly as he used to in drama school: guarded, defenses up. Then he smiles and shakes his head. "Yeah. Sorry. That was just ... weird." He looks back down at the menu. "Unexpected and weird. She took me by surprise."

"Do you want to tell me about 'Bear'?"

He swallows but doesn't look up. "Uh ... yeah. Sure. That's what Vanessa used to call me after she'd been ... teasing me"."

"Teasing? As in—?"

He looks at me, and even though it's clear he doesn't want to talk about this, because I asked, he will. "As in ... sexually teasing me. She used to love withholding until I got this certain look on my face. Sort of a wild, rabid expression, I guess."

I know the exact look. I'd seen it earlier outside La Perla. "Oh. Yeah, I get it." I become engrossed in my menu so he can't tell how sick that knowledge makes me. I thought that look was for me alone. Apparently not.

"Cassie –"

"So, do you want to share a pizza, or—?"

"I don't look at you the same way I used to look at her."

I nod, and scan the list of pasta. "Of course you don't. I didn't think that –"

"Yes, you did." He pulls my menu down, and his eyes scream concern. "I know meeting her is uncomfortable for you. I understand. God knows, I can't even pretend I'm okay thinking about you with another man. But don't let her get under your skin. She'd love that. Why do you think she called me Bear in the first place? She knew you'd ask me about it."

I know he's right, but he's also aware that switching off one's insecurities is easier said than done. As much progress as I've made with Dr. Kate in the past few months, sometimes old habits resurface. Because of his past, Ethan is an expert in recognizing the symptoms. He watches to see if I want to discuss it. I don't, even though my mind is churning with a hundred questions about Vanessa. I know the answers won't make me feel better, so I force myself to smile instead.

"You're right," I say. "I'm sorry. Let's just have a nice night."

He takes my hand, and after he presses a reassuring kiss to my palm, we go back to perusing our menus.

"Do you think you'll call her?" I ask, keeping my tone casual.

He shrugs. "I'd like to get Matt's number. He's reached out a few times over the years, and I've always ignored him. Maybe I should make an effort to clear the air. I feel like I've grown enough to give him the apology I should have offered years ago."

"Did Vanessa apologize to you?"

He laughs. "God, no. She has a lot of items in her bag of tricks, but apologizing isn't one of them. It doesn't matter. I forgive her anyway."

I drop my menu. "You do?"

He gives me a self-satisfied look. "One hundred percent. I'm actually glad I saw her tonight."

Well, that's something I never expected him to say. I want to ask him more, but right now my anxiety is making my skin hot and my pulse race. He has this kind of wistful, nostalgic look on his face, and I've never seen that before when he's spoken about Vanessa.

Even when I hated Ethan, I still thought of him as my first love. That's why what happened with him hurt so much. He was my first and only. But seeing Vanessa tonight reminds me I wasn't his. She was. He loved her so much it ruined him when she betrayed him.