Away From the Dark (The Light #2)(41)

“What? No, I’m not!”

“Sara.”

Panic filled my chest as I tried to suck in air. Closing my eyes, I reminded myself that this was the world where husbands made the decisions, but we were still alone, and I had a chance. “No, Jacob,” I implored. By the way he turned, my response obviously surprised him. I kept going. “I can’t help you if I don’t have memories. Think about it. What if the medicine blocks everything I learned at The Light?” I sucked my lip between my teeth and put my hands between my legs to hide their trembling. “I can’t go back to that. Besides, how would we explain it if I suddenly forgot all Father Gabriel’s teachings or my job or how to cook, or what if I forgot you?”

“Fuck,” he said, pulling the truck into the small airport. “I guess I hadn’t thought about all of that.” Once Jacob had the truck inside a hangar, he turned toward me. “Give me those hands.”

Though I looked down, I obeyed.

As he took my hands, it wasn’t his words but his tone that pulled my gaze to his. “If we have any chance at all of getting through this alive, you and I both have to put on the best performances of our f*cking lives. That’s why I wanted you to resume your medicine. I thought it would make it easier for you, but”—he kissed my knuckles—“you’ve always been so smart, and you’re right. I don’t want you forgetting what you’ve learned in The Light. You worked too hard. Just please remember, no one is trustworthy, no one. Everyone is programmed, not just the acquired wives. Most of the men aren’t on medication; their programming is more environmental, tribal mentality really. It keeps everyone content to work toward Father Gabriel’s goals. If they weren’t programmed, they wouldn’t accept everything Father Gabriel says as gospel and they even may try to question his authority. That can’t happen.

“It’s literally you and me against The Light. We have to convince everyone that nothing has changed. The next eighteen hours are crucial.”

I nodded, knowing I needed to put my full and unyielding trust in the man who held my hands, the one who’d kept me alive so far.

“Leaving The Light,” he went on, “is a transgression punishable by banishment. No one leaves The Light and lives to talk about it. No one. You, Sara Adams, are an Assemblyman’s wife. We love each other, and you’re usually well behaved. Thursday night after the prayer meeting, once we were home, you weren’t. I corrected you. You were embarrassed that it resulted in a blackened eye. Since I left early Friday morning, you went running on the campus, like we do. It’s summer and you chose to stay out in the north acres. Being upset with me, you forgot about the lab. That’s why you weren’t in our apartment when Raquel came to find you.”

I sighed. What he’d just done was the comfort that came with being Sara. The story, my choices, everything was up to my husband. Jacob told me who I was and what I thought. It was a realization that bothered the Stella side of me, but I knew that to survive what we were about to do, I needed to keep Stella quiet. I could use her keen thinking and survival skills, but in everything visible, I needed to be Sara.

Thankfully, last night I’d been granted something that I hadn’t previously had. Last night I had been given permission to question. “I’m scared. Why can’t we tell everyone that Thomas took me? I hate people thinking you did this to me.”

“Because this”—he looked out through the hangar’s open garage door and over the airstrip. I followed his gaze and suddenly realized we weren’t at the same airport where Thomas had brought me yesterday—“is where I fly in and out of for The Light. I’m not sure how I’d be able to explain to Xavier or Father Gabriel how I knew Thomas’s destination.”

I swallowed. “H-how did you know?”

“My handler searched flight plans. Flight plans are supposed to be filed in advance. VFR, visual flight rules, don’t require it, but for safety, especially with such large areas of unpopulated wilderness, most pilots do it. Thank Father Gabriel, Thomas had. He’d filed his plans before leaving for the Northern Light. They included his estimated time of return to Fairbanks and listed the airport. Technically, there’s no way I could’ve made it from the Western Light to Fairbanks in time to save you, which was the story I gave Benjamin and the reason the US Marshals were there instead of me. But Benjamin has no way of knowing that. He hasn’t left the Northern Light in years. Father Gabriel would know and so would Micah, if he were questioned.”

I shook my head. “This is such a mess.”

“Well,” he said coldly, “I’m sorry you’re still involved.”

My neck straightened. “Now, as in because we’re going back, or you’re sorry I was ever assigned to you?”

Jacob’s narrow gaze silenced me—Sara—the way only he could. “No more. We’ve been through this. Now we’re going back as Sara and Jacob. Later today I’ll take you to Brother Raphael and you’ll need to explain and apologize for your absence. He’s a Commissioner. Correction will be at his discretion.”

“No, Jacob. No more, ever.”

He lifted a brow. “You had that option. You chose otherwise.”

I felt suddenly nauseous.

“We need to hurry,” Jacob said, “so I can make it to Assembly.”