Atone (Recovered Innocence #2)(58)

She glances at the closed door. “I can’t…She said that?”

“Saving those girls from one sick f*ck didn’t save them from all of the other sick f*cks who paid to rape them. I’m expecting too much here, aren’t I? Tell me I am.”

“You are. You f*cking are. And you’re not. I didn’t think. I didn’t imagine. Where she comes from is not right. The way she talks about it…Beau, she’s my age. I keep going over in my head the things she said. I didn’t believe them at first. She says them like she’s relaying something she heard from someone else. Like they didn’t happen to her. That’s f*cking messed up. She’s messed up. How could she not be?”

“See, that’s the thing. She is and she isn’t. Sometimes she’s the most sane, most logical person I’ve ever met. Not sometimes, most of the time. I can’t explain it right. Uugghh.” I thunk the back of my head against the wall in frustration. “There’s so much more to her than what she shows. I don’t have words for what she’s done for me. I owe her.”

“That’s not all you feel about her, is it?”

“No.” I can’t help being depressed about that.

“You care about her.”

“Jesus. You care about passing a test. You care about being late for work. You care about your favorite TV show. What the f*ck is care?”

“Oh, Beau.” She sounds both miserable and glad. “What are you going to do?”

“Nothing. Not a f*cking thing.”

“Well, that’s stupid.”

“Excuse me?”

She taps my forehead. “Figure it out, *.” Then walks away. Just walks away. Like I’m supposed to understand what she means.

“What the f*ck?” I mutter.

I stand at the door until my legs get tired and I slide down the wall to sit on the floor. Savannah’s passed me three times, giving me odd looks. Cora came out of her office, looked down the hall at me, shook her head, and went into the file room. She repeated the process on the way back to her office. I know I’m f*cking pitiful. I brace my arms on my knees and rest my forehead on my hands. I’m waiting for something. A miracle, maybe. I don’t know. There’s nothing to do. We’re at a place where we’ve gathered all of the information we can and now we’re hoping it’s enough for the authorities to want to take over. Wait. Wait. Wait. I was never good at it as a kid, and I suck at it even more as an adult. Prison was one giant f*cking wait.

The conference room opens and Vera comes out. She jerks to a stop when she sees me. “What are you doing?”

“Waiting.”

“For what?”

“I don’t know.”

“Where’s the bathroom?”

“Around the corner, on the other side of reception. There’s a hall. I’ll show you.”

“The office isn’t that big. I can find it.”

I get to my feet.

“What? You think I’m going to dive for the door as soon as your back’s turned?”

“Just come on.” I lead the way and wave her toward the ladies’ room.

When she comes out she rolls her eyes at me, then goes back into the conference room and closes the door. I take up my position outside again.

Mr. Nash finds me there almost an hour later. He shakes his head at how pathetic I am. “Get up, son. Let’s go tell Vera the good news and the not-so-good news.”

When we enter the room Vera is asleep in her chair, her head tipped to one side, her bangs falling over half of her face. My heart takes a hard knock at the memory of the last time I saw her sleep and how different things were between us then. Mr. Nash gently wakes her. When she first sees me there’s pure joy on her face for half a second before her memory wipes it away. What I wouldn’t give to get it back.

“I talked to my friend. He wants to meet with you. He spoke to his boss about your conditions. They want you to come down to their office. They’re promising federal protection if your story checks out. They can bring you through a side entrance and take you straight to the SAC’s office. My friend is on his way to pick you up right now. I want you to know that they’re taking you very seriously. My friend didn’t give me any details, but they’ve been aware of various sex-trafficking rings in and around the San Diego area, including the one you were drawn into. If it’s the same guy they’re looking at, you could be invaluable to their investigation.”

“Do I have to go alone?” Vera asks.

“Beau and I will follow behind you.” Mr. Nash looks at me for confirmation and I nod. “Technically, you’re going to be in federal custody. We won’t be able to go into the interrogation room with you. But we’ll be waiting just outside.”

“So basically once your friend comes and picks me up in his car they can do whatever they want to me. Charge me for stealing that car, prostitution, whatever they want, whatever I cop to during the interrogation. Yippee. I love being at the mercy of strange men. It always works out so well for me.”

Mr. Nash clears his throat. “I also called a friend of mine who’s an attorney to meet us at the federal building. She’ll be with you in that room. It’s the best I could do.”

Vera lets out a breath and sits back in her seat. “Thank you.”