Atone (Recovered Innocence #2)(54)

Nothing.

Not a damn thing. There wasn’t anything anyone could’ve said or done that would’ve brought me back from that dark place. I know where she is and what’s waiting for her there. I lie down next to her where I can see her face. Not too close. Just so she knows I’m here. My fingers are barely an inch from where hers claw the carpet. Squeezing my eyes closed, I pray for the first time in more than six years. I request peace for Vera. I demand justice for her and for Cherry and for all the other girls. I plead for the strength to look past what she’s done and the understanding to accept it. I appeal to whatever higher power to make me a better man, and ask for forgiveness for myself and for Vera.

I beg for her pain to be taken away and for that f*cker to suffer twice as much as she has.

When I open my eyes, Vera’s staring at me, but she’s not seeing me. Her whimpers rip at me. She’s a wounded child in a woman’s body. I want to touch her, hold her, but I’m not sure that’s safe for her. All I can do is be with her. A tear drips off her nose and onto the carpet. Another follows, slower than the others. And another, even slower, until they stop altogether. Her body jerks, her lower lip getting sucked in with each hitching breath. The light flickers behind her eyes. She’s coming back.

“Vera,” I whisper. “I’m here. Hey. I’m here.”

Her wet lashes flutter and then her gaze connects with mine. I put my pinkie finger on hers. She doesn’t flinch away. I ease my hand over hers until I can grip it and hold on. She walked me back from the brink and now it’s my turn to do it for her. I don’t think about how ridiculous we must look lying on the floor side by side, holding hands. We’ve had so many moments like this. It’s part of who we are…who we were. Where we go from here I don’t know. I can’t promise her the things I might have promised her before.

I understand why she did what she did.

A part of me thinks that I might have made the same choice she did. But I can’t put aside what happened to me to follow that any further than entertaining the possibility. She knew that all along. How horrifying that must have been for her. All this time. All we’ve been through. All the while she knew it would end like this. Goddamn, she’s stronger than I ever gave her credit for. She could’ve walked away anytime. She could’ve rejected me when I came after her, needing her and not knowing why. But she didn’t. She took me in and healed me.

I’d bleed for her, but I can’t be with her. That’s a hard f*cking thing to acknowledge.

I suck in a rough breath. This is a death we’re mourning together. I don’t know where we go from here, but we go there separately. I’ll help her any way I can. My mission for her isn’t over. It won’t be until Marie is safe and that f*cker is either dead or behind bars. Preferably dead. Prison’s too good for him.

She pulls her hand from mine and rolls to her back, scrubbing her hands over her face. I don’t need to ask if she’s okay. She will be. That’s the one thing I’ll always be sure of about her. We’ll both be okay, but we’ll never be the same. I’ll never meet another person like her. I’ll never have the same connection with anyone else or know the same level of calm that I have when I’m with her.

I sit up when she does, mirroring her movements until we’re both standing. She smooths her skirt down, going through the motions of putting herself back together again. She’s very good at that. She’s had to be.

When she’s done she faces me with her chin up. “I’ll do whatever it takes to get Marie back. If that means staying, then that’s what I’ll do. What’s our next step?”

“We need Cora.”

“Whatever it takes.”

“Are you sure?”

“No. I haven’t been sure in forever.”

“We’ll do our best to protect you.”

“I know you’ll try. Why don’t you go get Cora?”

She’s not any more confident than I am that we can pull this off. But we’ve gotten this far. I can’t see how we can give up now. I’m glad she’s not giving up either. I want to touch her. Out of habit, maybe, or maybe I just need that physical reassurance. But I don’t. Instead, I go out into the hall to find Cora.

She’s not in the reception area, so I go to the conference room and find her talking to Mr. Nash. He doesn’t spend as much time in the office as he used to since Cora came to work here, so I don’t see him often.

When he spots me, hovering just outside the door, he waves me in. “I’ve been hearing good things about your work.”

“Thank you.”

“Cora and I have been discussing the case you’re working on.”

My gaze shifts to Cora. I know she wouldn’t say anything to Mr. Nash about Vera and me, but still. I know she’s mad. And worried.

“My visit with Emmaline Markham didn’t go as smoothly as I’d hoped. I think I might have inadvertently tipped her off. She was suspicious as all get-out. I don’t think she bought my reporter-doing-a-story-on-her-program angle, so I put Jerry on her. He’s the best surveillance guy we’ve got. Former special ops. If you see Jerry, it’s because he wants to be seen. I’m hoping she’s going to lead us to our girl. Now, about our client…” He motions for me to sit at the table. “Cora’s filled me in on her situation.”