Adored (Masters and Mercenaries #8.5)(35)

He hoped they would both find it. Somehow, he couldn’t see himself being a father and if he couldn’t manage it, then he wouldn’t be able to keep Laurel. Unlike his mother, she would choose her child’s needs. Even if it meant giving up the child’s father.

She buried her head in the curve of his neck. “I can’t believe I did that. I burst into tears. How am I ever going to walk back out there?”

“Why wouldn’t you walk back out there?”

“Because of how embarrassed I’ll be.”

Now that the storm had passed, it seemed like a good time to take control again. “What would you be embarrassed about? Because everyone here knows you’re pregnant. And almost all subs cry at some point. It’s expected. No one will think less of you. Now tell me what happened. What really made you cry?”

She sat up and her eyes slid away from his. “It was the thought that I’ll be a mom soon and…it’s not like I’m thin now. Everyone would see me. You would see me.”

What the hell did that mean? It was definitely time to take charge. He sat up beside her. “Laurel, I’ve seen you naked many times. I see you naked every single night, so you’re going to have to explain how my seeing you naked could possibly cause you to cry.”

“You haven’t seen how your friends might react. Maybe they have prettier subs.” She frowned. “I know it sounds stupid, but I’m trying to be honest with you. I might be all right now, but everything is going to change. I’ll gain weight, and even afterward I’ll have stretch marks and I’ll breast feed so my boobs will likely sag, and it’s really hard because you keep telling me to live in the moment, but I can’t.”

“Laurel, I’ll still want you.” He wasn’t sure she would want him. He wasn’t sure she wouldn’t figure out exactly how many men there were out there with whole hearts and easy tempers.

“How can you know that?”

“I know.” It was the one thing he was certain of. “If you’re worried about the future, you know what to do.” He was also certain that marriage would be best—even if he found the entire idea unsettling. “I’ve already asked you to marry me. We can get on a flight to Vegas and be married tomorrow.”

She stared at him, her eyes wary. “Is that what you want?”

“I think that would be best for our baby.”

Her eyes turned down and she seemed to shake something off. When she looked back up there was a smile on her face, though a hint of sadness permeated her being. “I think our baby is going to be fine. And you’re right. Living in the moment is for the best. Marriage isn’t a promise of permanency. Let’s make a pact. Whatever happens, we’ll respect each other and be friends.”

He didn’t want to be her friend. And he didn’t want to be her ex. He didn’t want to only see her or hear from her when she needed money or wanted to take him back to court. “We’ll always be friends.”

It was why he hadn’t wanted to get involved with her in the first place. Laurel had become essential to him. She was the bright spot in his days, the reason he wanted to get up in the mornings. He truly would have stayed in the background. He would have watched her date and find a good man and get married. He would have watched over her and counted himself lucky to have her in his life.

Friends stayed. Friends stuck it out.

He was almost certain they could never be friends again.

“Sweet Child o’ Mine” started up again and there was a banging against the wall. Rhythmic and loud.

Laurel laughed suddenly, her whole face lighting up.

At least it proved a point. He gestured to the wall. “Proof positive that there is sex after children. And hey, we’ve only got one in there. We’re better off than Big Tag and Charlotte, but they seem to have found a way around it.”

She stood up and walked over to the closet. He watched her cautiously, unsure of where she was going. She opened the door and he heard her rummage around inside. When she turned, she had a length of rope in her hand. “Mitch, I know I screwed up the demo.”

“You didn’t screw it up. You had an emotional reaction. It’s fine. Alex can handle it.”

“Maybe we could at least show off your skills. Maybe you could make me a dress for the after party.”

His dick jumped at the thought. “Come here.”

She stepped toward him, offering him the rope. “Do you think that’s a good idea? I love the patterns you can make. They’re beautiful.”

“You’re beautiful, but we have something we need to take care of first.” He patted his lap. They wouldn’t be able to do this for much longer. When she started to show she wouldn’t be able to lie on her belly, but he wanted her across his lap while it was still safe. He usually disciplined submissives on spanking benches or in some fashion where he had the most control and the least amount of intimacy. He tended to use crops or paddles. Canes if the submissive was amenable.

But he wanted Laurel over his lap, wanted her dependent on him, needed to feel her squirm and writhe under his hand.

“I thought you didn’t care that I ruined the scene.”

“This isn’t about the scene. You disobeyed my direct command that you wait for me outside the locker room. You’re not allowed to run around the dungeon without me.”