Addison (The Mitchell/Healy Family #6)(42)
She showed up at my house a little while later. I would have never expected her to be standing on the other side of the door, but felt happy when she was. “Hey,” I said when I opened it.
“Hey. About earlier.”
I grabbed her by the hand and pulled her inside. I couldn’t take it, being so close to her and not feeling her skin against mine. “I’m an idiot. I never should have said that shit to you.”
She shoved me away. “You jerk. You made me cry. I felt like you used me.”
“Addison, think about every time we’ve been together. Have I ever acted selfish? I wasn’t using you, not even for a second.”
She shoved me again. “You can’t do that. You can’t treat me like I’m the enemy. I know you’re not used to being in an honest relationship, but you’re supposed to come to me when things are wrong. You need to stop blaming yourself for the hard childhood you were handed. It’s never been your fault. Life isn’t about where you came from. I told you this before. You keep pushing me away, telling me it’s for the best. It’s not though. I want to be happy, don’t you?”
“Yes. I know. I get it. There’s just things about me you don’t know. I feel like if you did you’d hate me.”
“Just tell me.” If only she knew how much I wanted to. “What could be so bad to make you think that? You’re not married. You don’t have kids. You aren’t a criminal.”
“I can’t. I’m sorry. I’m not ready. It’s something I’ve carried with me my whole life. I won’t jeopardize what’s happening between us, not when I can’t be sure I won’t lose you.”
“Is this about drugs?” She took a step back.
“No. It’s not about anything like that. It’s about my past. It’s about something that happened with my family.”
Addison took my hand in hers. She looked up at me with those beautiful green eyes. “I don’t care about the past. I live in the now. The past can’t hurt us. Don’t you get that?”
In this case she was wrong. It could destroy us. “Yeah, I guess.”
‘’I came here to give you a piece of my mind. It’s obvious I like you. I thought about you all damn day. I slept with you. I took my clothes off willingly for you. I don’t do things like this, not with anyone. You’re either hot or cold. It’s confusing the hell out of me. All I know is that if I can’t stop thinking about you then there’s a good chance I won’t want this thing between us to end.”
“I thought about you too. I wondered if you were ever going to talk to me again. I wondered if I’d ruined everything,” I exclaimed.
“I don’t care if it’s been one week or fifty, I know what we have feels right.” She seemed like she was getting choked up. “I don’t want to have my heart broken, but I also can’t imagine giving up, not yet.”
If I could explain how much I wanted to take her fears away. “I don’t either.”
She stepped closer. “I won’t be the one to break your heart if that’s what you’re afraid of. I’m not your ex. There isn’t an ulterior motive to this relationship.”
I covered my face. “I hate talking about this shit.”
“We need to. I’ve got too much at stake if I fail at something else. I don’t give up easily. There’s always a solution.”
“For what it’s worth, I don’t want to break your heart either. You’re the nicest person I’ve ever met.”
“So don’t. Be with me. Live every day to the fullest. Don’t hold back.” Then she whispered something that caught me off guard. It was something I knew we shouldn’t consider, something I was fighting to keep from feeling. “Love me.”
“You don’t want that, precious. I can’t be a forever kind of guy.”
“I don’t believe you.”
Why couldn’t this be easy? “What do you want out of this?”
She shrugged but didn’t stop looking into my eyes. “I want someone to love me for everything I am, and all I’ll never be.”
I opened my mouth to tell her I couldn’t do it, but something inside of me wouldn’t let it happen. I was the person she wanted. I was the man who could love her for all those reasons. Why was life so cruel to bring us together when I knew I couldn’t have her. “What if it doesn’t last? What if you discover I’m not as good as you peg me to be?” I asked in a whisper.
“I’m willing to ride it out for as long as we can. Am I wrong for feeling like something is happening between us? I’m not trying to be pushy. I feel like I’ve known you my whole life. I want to tell you everything about me. I feel alive when we’re together. I miss you when you’re not around. When you kiss me nothing else in the world exists. Is it all a fa?ade or do you feel it too? Please, Cole. I need to know if I’m being ridiculous.”
The truth was undeniable. My voice was raspy. “It’s real. It’s so f*cking real I can’t stop it from happening. Trust me, I’ve tried, because I know I’m going to screw it up, and the last thing I want to do is hurt you.” I pulled her close, leaning down and feeling her soft lips crushing against mine. My intentions were obvious, and she knew it. I picked her up and carried her into the first bedroom. I think before her ass hit the mattress, I was removing her shirt. Within seconds we were both undressed. We didn’t talk, or pause. It was unadulterated, rushed even. Our goal was simple; a race to euphoria – makeup sex at it’s best. She rode me into the sunset and then back home again. Sweat dripped down her curves, making it hard to hold on, but she never stopped. When I finished I was winded, on the brink of exhaustion. We lay there together, holding hands and letting the ceiling fan do it’s best to cool us down.