A Thousand Letters(67)

"It's not just about the past, Sophie," I started, not sure how to explain the details of everything and nothing that had happened between Wade and me.

Her brows pinched together, and she turned her head to meet my eyes. "What do you mean?"

"He … he came here the night Rick died."

She blinked. "To talk?"

"No, not to talk."

Her mouth made a circle as she gasped. "Oh."

"He left just as quickly as he appeared. After the funeral I think … he thinks I'm with Jack. He's confused and scared. Angry. When he was here this afternoon—"

"He came here?" The words were an accusation.

I nodded. "He wanted answers, but I don't have any. I've given him everything I can." I let out a heavy breath. "Jack was right. I make excuses for everyone who hurts me, bend and bend under everyone else's weight."

"I can't believe Wade would do this," she spat. "I can't believe he'd come here, sleep with you, leave you, treat you the way he has. It's not fair, Elliot."

"Don't. Don't do that, Sophie. I can take care of myself. And you know what else? It's my fault I've been treated this way by him — I let him do it. But no more. I just … I can't keep doing this with him, and I told him as much."

"Elliot, I'm so sorry. I hate him right now, for what he's done and not done. But I miss him and need him too. I don't know which emotion is stronger."

"Don't hate him for what he can't control."

"He can't control himself?"

"Right now, I don't think he can." She didn't speak, and neither did I for a moment. "I miss him and need him too."

"Do you think he'll come around?" she asked quietly, and I rolled over onto my back, staring up at the ceiling alongside her.

I sighed, chest aching as I gave the only answer I had. "I don't know."



* * *



Sophie left early the next morning after we set a date for the next day to start packing up Rick's things. She didn't want to wait, she said, felt like she needed to do it before she went crazy thinking about it. I only hoped she was ready.

So I'd spent the day alone writing; the kids were still in full-time daycare, and my family happily carried on without me. I'd heard almost everyone leave early in the day — Charlie gone to work, Dad and Beth gone out for who knew what. But Mary was home after working the night shift, though she'd been asleep for most of the day.

It was early afternoon before I ventured out for lunch, setting my leather-bound journal next to my bed with my stomach rumbling. Once on the main floor, I realized the house wasn't as empty as I'd thought.

Voices wafted in from the kitchen, low and angry; an argument. I heard Mary's voice, the sniping, hissing tone sharp and quiet, like she was trying to keep it down. And I heard a man, but not Charlie. I stopped just before I reached the threshold when I realized who it was.

"Keep your voice down," she whispered.

"I told you what would happen, Mary," Jack bit, something in his tone dark, with an edge that sent goosebumps sprinting up my arms.

"But Elliot? For fuck's sake. It's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of. You and her. As if she could ever have a real chance with you."

I couldn't breathe from the second I heard my name, hanging in the air like an omen. And I stood paralyzed in the hallway, unable to do anything but listen.

"It's not ridiculous. She looks a lot like you, you know. But smaller, softer. Those big, brown eyes that just want to give you everything you ask for." He sounded like a snake when he spoke. I slowly realized that's what he was after all, and I was just a mouse he thought he'd caught.

"Don't do that," she said, her voice hard and biting. "Don't you do that, make it sound like you were interested in her. You only did this because of me, to get me back. To piss me off."

"It worked, didn't it?"

She made an infuriated noise. "I fucking hate you."

"No, you don't. You love me, and I'm through waiting." He paused, and when he spoke again, his voice was softer, cajoling her, persuading her. "Just leave Charlie. That's all you have to do. Come with me and all of this will be over. You won't have to deal with Elliot or the kids or anything you don't want to. I'll take care of you, you know that. Please, Mary. I love you." He kissed her; I could hear the soft sounds as I told myself to move.

She sighed. "I love you too. I just … I wish it were easier."

"It's never gonna get easier, babe. And we've waited long enough to be together. No more sneaking around. No more secrets. No more lies. Just us."

Move. I took a breath and stepped into the doorway to find them in each other's arms, his hand cupping her cheek, her eyes hot and locked on his. Until she saw me.

They burst apart like shrapnel.

"God, Elliot! What the hell are you doing?" she yelled as the flush rose in her cheeks.

"I could ask you the same thing," I said with more calm than I felt. My eyes met Jack's, and he at least had the decency to look ashamed of himself.

Mary's gaze bounced between me and Jack as panic set in, visible on her face, in her voice. "How much of that did you hear?"